The Sanderson Gazette - 2010-09-15 - A Rabbit Shall Lead Them

Week One Recap

Leavitt Langoliers (Ed) def. Champaign Supernovas (Kevin), 103.87-101.33:

As of Tuesday morning, this was the fourth-closest game ever in the Blingaleague, but score corrections bump the margin to a bit more. Ed gets an expected strong game from Chris Johnson, and solid efforts from everywhere else. Kevin gets the tough-luck award for highest score in a losing effort.

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit) def. Location Nouns (Rob), 131.42-58.40:

As much as Rob will say he ran into the "Arian Foster Buzzsaw" this week, his team was just awful. Peyton Manning adds 31.65 points to Foster's 42.03, while Rob's week is nicely highlighted by Mike Sims-Walker's 0.00 points (and he did play).

D's AutoPicks (Derrek) def. Harrison Hammers (Matt), 88.82-82.53:

D comes in with the lowest winning score this week, getting just enough points to defeat Matt. A surprisingly huge week from Chad Ochocinco (27.20 points) gets the job done.

Cincinnat Bungles (Pat) def. Cuban Fumin' Humans (Babel), 94.63-77.77:

As lucky as Babel's score looks, it didn't bring him victory. Quarterback play was the difference here, as Jay Cutler scored 20.80 points for Pat, dwarfing the -0.70 Kevin Kolb gave Babel.

Our Lil' Abondigas (Dave) def. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley), 115.17-80.52:

Dave finds himself in second place after a big week, thanks to Matt Forte's 35.13 points. Pulley can take solace in the fact that he outscored Rob by over 22 points this week.

Jackie Moon's Bounce (Mike) def. Optimus Prime (Allen), 93.36-64.30:

Mike wins the WR derby this week, getting 28.00 points from Hakeem Nicks and 25.47 from Miles Austin. Allen informs me that he lost both his games this week by roughly 30 points. Ouch.

Current Standings

  1. Rabbit 1-0 (131.42)

  2. Dave 1-0 (115.17)

  3. Ed 1-0 (103.87)

  4. Pat 1-0 (94.63)

  5. Mike 1-0 (93.36)

  6. Derrek 1-0 (88.82)

  7. Kevin 0-1 (101.33)

  8. Matt 0-1 (82.53)

  9. Pulley 0-1 (80.52)

  10. Babel 0-1 (77.77)

  11. Allen 0-1 (64.30)

  12. Rob 0-1 (58.40)

Week Two Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Cincinnat Bungles (Pat) vs. Our Lil' Abondigas (Dave):

I'm giving Dave Game of the Blingaweek honors, since this might be as high as he ever reaches in the Blingaleague standings.

This week, he's up against the current fourth-place team, Cincinnat (not Cincinnati?) Bungles. Pat put together a nice week, but his matchups aren't quite as favorable this go 'round.

At QB, Dave would seem to have the advantage, with Philip Rivers facing Jacksonville, while Pat's Jay Cutler (@DAL) and Brett Favre (MIA) have tougher matchups.

Pat, as we should all get used to, has the RB advantage, with Ray Rice (@CIN) and LeSean McCoy (@DET) looking good. Dave can't really expect Matt Forte (@DAL) to repeat last week's performance, can he?

Dave looks to gain ground at WR, as he has two Eagles (DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin) going up against the Lions. Pat has Philadelphia's Brent Celek at TE, however, so that balances things out a bit.

This looks to be an extremely close contest. I really don't want to make a pick, but this is the life I chose. I'll let team name be the decider, and I love me some How I Met Your Mother references; Our Lil' Abondigas is my pick.

Other Blingamatches

Jackie Moon's Bounce (Mike) vs. Cuban Fumin' Humans (Babel):

Will Babel feel like losing to a team with "Jackie" in its name be too much like losing to his wife? I think we'll find out next Tuesday, as Mike should take this one. Pick: Jackie Moon's Bounce.

Location Nouns (Rob) vs. D's AutoPicks (Derrek):

Rob's squad is actually projected by Yahoo! to win this one, though that's probably a function of D still not yet replacing Ryan Grant in his lineup. I feel like week one is an ominous sign for the Nouns from Location. Pick: D's AutoPicks.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen):

Allen looks to bounce back from a personally disastrous week one, while Pulley looks to bounce back from a disastrous 2009. Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Champaign Supernovas (Kevin) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt):

Both Matt and Kev look to rebound from disappointing first weeks. Kevin's RB matchups look better, but Matt has the edge at QB. Will the Green Bay (BUF) defense really make me pick Kevin? Yes. Pick: Champaign Supernovas.

Leavitt Langoliers (Ed) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit):

In what could have been Game of the Blingaweek, the current third- and first-place teams face off. Rabbit probably catches yours truly at the best possible time, with Chris Johnson going up against the strong Steelers defense. Pick: Pralines & Dick.

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Pralines & Dick. 131.42 points!

Slapped Heartbeat: Location Nouns. 58.40 points!

Start of the Week: Pat, playing Jay Cutler (20.80 points) over Brett Favre (9.55 points).

Misplay of the Week: Kevin would have beat me easily had he played Legedu Naanee (20.67 points) over Roy Williams (2.80 points).

Closing Thoughts

For the first time in ages (ever?), there are no life-changing announcements this week! In celebration, I'm opening up my place to all of you Sunday, if you want to come over and watch any games.

Sincerely,

Ed