The Sanderson Gazette - 2010-09-23 - Jump to Conclusions
"Dave: #1 in points."
- Ed, 10:51 PM, Monday
"Sorry for the delayed response, I blacked out when I read your text."
- Matt, 11:17 PM, Monday
Week Two Recap
Dave def. Pat, 137.10-95.82:
Pat actually led by a few points heading into the Monday night game, but then Dave's team took over. Frank Gore's 30.67 points countered LeSean McCoy's 31.07, and Dave gained his biggest advantage at QB; Philip Rivers put up a stellar 23.70 points, while Brett Favre gave Pat a measly 0.25. Dave now finds himself in first place. What's next? Fire and brimstone? Earthquakes? Volcanoes? Dogs and cats living together?
Derrek def. Rob, 101.51-85.30:
In a weird statistical fluke, both Donald Driver and Kellen Winslow scored the same amount of points for D, tallying 11.07. It didn't take much to beat Rob, despite a huge day from Andre Johnson. As a symbol of Rob's futility, Joe Flacco, whom the younger Gross traded up to draft, put up 3.60 points. Rob called his team "bullshit"; Derrek called it an easy win.
Matt def. Kevin, 165.35-68.08:
Sometimes "defeated" is too weak a word; this is one of those times. Optimistically, Kev could be considered lucky that his team chose to be awful in a week where he wasn't going to win anyway. Meanwhile, Matt looks like a genius for drafting so many rookies; Jahvid Best scored 46.33 points, and Dez Bryant put up 12.93. Pay no attention to that (carted off) Ryan Mathews behind the curtain!
Allen def. Pulley, 94.97-67.69:
Dr. Clark puts up a nice all-around week, posting a respectable total despite no individual player scoring more than 18.80 points. Meanwhile, Pulley's top player, Vernon Davis, only gave him 12.40 points. And did you notice how when Kevin's team scores less than 70 points, we say it was a down week? Well, for Pulley, it's practically expected. Can a competent fantasy footballer go from Sanderson Cup winner to perennial doormat in just over a year? Pulley's giving it a shot.
Ed def. Rabbit, 87.85-84.19:
The second battle of the undefeateds this week was a bit closer than the Dave-Pat matchup. When a late Colts' drive ended in a field goal instead of another Peyton Manning touchdown, Ed claimed victory, but not after a scare. Neither he nor Rabbit had a very impressive week, but he'll take the win. Meanwhile, Rabbit has been asking for "a WR that doesn't suck" for nearly a week now; won't anyone oblige?
Mike def. Babel, 116.19-115.08:
And we save the closest, most controversial game for last. Mark thought he had this one in the bag as the Colts dominated the Giants, whom Mike had three times a vested interest in. But, in the garbage moments of a blowout, Hakeem Nicks pounced, and snatched a dirty, dirty victory for the youngest Blingaleague member. Babel takes the tough loss medal this week. (Note: medal is figurative.)
Current Standings
Dave, 2-0 (252.27)
Mike, 2-0 (209.55)
Ed, 2-0 (191.72)
Derrek, 2-0 (190.33)
Matt, 1-1 (247.88)
Rabbit, 1-1 (215.61)
Pat, 1-1 (190.45)
Allen, 1-1 (159.27)
Babel, 0-2 (191.75)
Kevin, 0-2 (170.41)
Pulley, 0-2 (148.21)
Rob, 0-2 (143.70)
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Harrison Hammers put up a rocking 165.35 points, an early contender for high score on the year.
Slapped Heartbeat: Pullman's MondoSquad doesn't seem to deserve the "Mondo" moniker any more, half-assedly throwing a 67.69 on the board.
Start of the Week: Dave resisted the urge to play shiny new waiver-wire pickup Brandon Jackson (10.23 points), instead sticking with Matt Forte (13.83) and Frank Gore (30.67). (Yeah, this was a week where we pretty much everyone played a sub-optimal lineup, save for Matt, and he didn't exactly need any points.)
Misplay of the Week: From the same game, Pat could have had Jay Cutler's 25.15 points, but instead got Favre's 0.25.
Week Three Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt):
Yes, as the first- and second-place teams from 2009, they'll play again this season, but it's slim pickings this week, matchupwise.
Rabbit and Matt both sit at 1-1, despite each pacing the league in scoring for a given week. Neither can be too upset with his team, however, as they both put up relatively low scores in their losing weeks. So, as it stands, this is a pivotal game for both. Startin 1-2 wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but 2-1 sure looks a lot nicer, doesn't it?
Anyways, Matt hopes Jahvid Best (@MIN) can defy the odds and put up another multiple-touchdown week. He'll likely be without fellow rookie back Ryan Mathews (@SEA), which means Matt might look to yet another first-year player, C.J. Spiller (@NE), or fullback-in-disguise Tim Hightower (OAK).
Rabbit's a bit more steady a RB. Arian Foster (DAL) and Maurice Jones-Drew (PHI) seem like pretty solid bets, even with MJD's weakish performance so far this year.
Both will also feature a promising rookie at WR; Demaryius Thomas (IND) for Rabbit, and Dez Bryant (@HOU) for Matt.
It's a tough call; I predict the winner will come down to which Redskin has a better game against the Rams - Chris Cooley for Matt, or Santana Moss for Rabbit.
The verdict? Cooley falls short, and Pralines & Dick come away victorious.
Other Blingamatches
Champaign Supernovas (Kevin) vs. D's AutoPicks (Derrek):
We come to D, living life up in Italy, quietly having good fantasy year after good fantasy year. Lucky bastard. This week, however, I have a hunch Kevin will be luckier. Pick: Champaign Supernovas.
Our Lil' Albondigas (Dave) vs. Cuban Fumin' Humans (Babel):
Scenario A: Dave continues his surprising success, moving to 3-0, and Babel sees another season go down the drain early. Scenario B: Babel guts out a victory behind Michael Vick's legs, restoring a bit of order to the Blingaleague (well, except for the Michael Vick being a good play part). Last year, parity ruled the Blingaleague. I say it continues. Pick: Cuban Fumin' Humans.
Jackie Moon's Bounce (Mike) vs. Pullman's MondSquad (Pulley):
Will Pulley reverse his recent luck? Will Mike surge to 3-0? Do I have to ask so many questions? The answers: "No (Randy Moss isn't enough)"; "Yes (Vikings defense against the Lions? Yes please!)"; and "Do I!?". Pick: Jackie Moon's Bounce.
Not You Fat Jesus (Pat) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen):
The two other 1-1 teams face off, with Yahoo! giving Pat a slight edge, as of publication time. Seeing the huge games Donovan McNabb and Darren McFadden put up against Houston and St. Louis, respectively, it appears Allen will be able to ride Tony Romo (@HOU) and Clinton Portis (@STL) to victory. Then however, you notice that Pat has two sleeping giants in his corner - Brett Favre (DET) and Ray Rice (CLE). Maybe I should have made this the Game of the Blingaweek. Pick: Optimus Prime, in a close one.
Leavitt Langoliers (Ed) vs. Location Nouns (Rob):
We're playing for our mother's love. Just kidding, she likes me way better. Back to football: Rob's team is indeed bullshit, and I feel like riding Antonio Gates to another victory this week. Pick: Leavitt Langoliers.
Closing Thoughts
Nothing big this week, though I'm hoping to add more quotes to the newsletter, so don't be stingy with trash talk and team slogans.
Also, I know I've done the newsletter on Wednesdays in the past, but I think Thursdays will work better, especially with the game previews. I hope no one objects.
-E$