The Sanderson Gazette - 2010-09-30 - Parity Ensues
"Rob Gross sucks pretty bad. What a shit." - Dave tells it like it is. Unbelievably, he's earned the right to.
Week Three Recap
Babel def. Dave, 143.94-128.55:
Who is this guy? After three years of running a team that would be lucky to make the playoffs in the Special Olympics Blingaleague, Dave appears to have finally grown into a fantasy man. His score was not only the second-best of the Blingaweek, but would have won 92.7% of the time historically. He takes the tough-luck loss this week.
But let's not forget the man who exploded this week: Mark D. Babel. He had three different players (Vick, Boldin, Peterson) put up 30+ points. It appears as if he's turned his season around, thanks to his praying to a new deity that goes by the name of Manuj.
Rabbit def. Matt, 110.18-91.27:
The Game of the Blingaweek turned out to be a bit of a dud, with Rabbit winning comfortably. It's a bit early for him to claim revenge for Blingabowl III, however, as these two will meet again in week 12.
Ed def. Rob, 123.59-92.00:
Rob may have posted his best score of the year in a losing effort. Joe Flacco (24.70 points) and Tony Gonzalez (20.67) put up strong games, but were no match for Ed, who got 20+ point weeks from four players (Ryan, Marshall, C. Johnson, and Gates).
Pulley def. Mike, 84.16-79.79:
Pulley scrapes out a win, despite a pedestrian score, thanks to Mike's team's falling flat. The high scorer in this game, between both teams, was #1 overall pick Randy Moss (17.60 points). Pulley was able to get something right, at least.
Allen def. Pat, 81.97-78.18:
In another low-scoring affair, Allen gets a clutch Monday night game from his tight end. "Greg Olsen for the win right there", he exclaimed via textual message. Pat can only watch in disgust.
Derrek def Kevin, 85.65-84.48:
This is Kevin's second loss by less than two points. His third loss was by 97.27. He's having a rough year. Meanwhile, D sits at 3-0.
Current Standings
Ed, 3-0 (315.31)
Derrek, 3-0 (275.98)
Dave, 2-1 (380.82)
Rabbit, 2-1 (325.79)
Mike, 2-1 (289.34)
Allen, 2-1 (241.24)
Matt, 1-2 (339.15)
Babel, 1-2 (335.69)
Pat, 1-2 (268.63)
Pulley, 1-2 (232.37)
Kevin, 0-3 (254.89)
Rob, 0-3 (235.70)
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Cuban Fumin' Humans threw up a 143.94. Rock on, Mr. Babel.
Slapped Heartbeat: Pat, with his 78.18, "wins" this award by a mere 1.61 points over Mike.
Start of the Week: Rabbit jumped on the Aaron Hernandez bandwagon, and rode his 9.97 points to victory.
Misplay of the Week: One big reason Kev is a disappointing 0-3 is the play of Pierre Garcon. He didn't play this week, and literally any other W/T on Kevin's roster would have won him the match against D
Week Four Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Leavitt Langoliers (Ed, 3-0) vs. D's Autopicks (Derrek, 3-0):
We know one thing: this will be the final Battle Of The Undefeateds this year. One team was predicted by several Blingaleaguers to be the solid favorite after the draft. The other is playing from seven hours ahead of the rest of us.
Ed hopes his Falcons combo of Matt Ryan and Roddy White can put up another big week against a stumbling 49ers team (sorry Pulley). He also looks for Brandon Marshall (NE) and Chris Johnson (DEN) to put up big weeks against suspect defenses. And, he flat-out should expect Antonio Gates (ARI) to just be awesome again.
D should expect a big week from Drew Brees (CAR) and Donald Driver (DET), but faces tougher matchups elsewhere. Rashard Mendenhall faces the stingy Ravens defense, and his Dolphins DST goes up against the Patriots' strong offensive attack.
Prediction? I hate to jinx myself, but I like my chances to leave the Thunderdome undefeated. Pick: Leavitt Langoliers.
Other Blingamatches
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 1-2) vs. Location Nouns (Rob, 0-3):
Two teams having disappointing seasons, but for different reasons. Matt's put up a ton of points, so he should feel down that he lost two games while winning one blowout. Meanwhile, Rob's team just blows. Pick: Harrison Hammers.
Champaign Supernovas (Kevin, 0-3) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 2-1):
Both look poised to have good weeks. Rabbit has the always-reliable Peyton Manning (@JAC) going for him, while his running backs, Maurice Jones-Drew (IND) and Arian Foster (@OAK), face questionable defenses. Kevin should be licking his chops at the prospect of Tom Brady going against the Dolphins and Greg Jennings having a field day against the Lions. Kevin's team is too solid start 0-4, right? Maybe not. Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Not You Fat Jesus (Pat, 1-2) vs. Jackie Moon's Bounce (Mike, 2-1):
Will Jay Cutler (@NYG) continue his solid year in prime time? Or will Mike win by betting on three Giants (Bradshaw, Nicks, Tynes) against Cutler's Bears? I'll let the Bears fan in me decide. Pick: Not You Fat Jesus.
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 1-2) vs. Cuban Fumin' Humans (Babel, 1-2):
Both Pulley and Babel removed themselves from the winless ranks last week, but you could argue they're polar opposites right now. Babel scored 140+ points. Pulley scored less than 90. Babel's playing a good Bengal (Cedric Benson) at Cleveland. Pulley is playing a bad one (Jordan Shipley). Will Rob Bironas really will Pulley to victory? Pick: Cuban Fumin' Humans.
Our Lil' Albondigas (Dave, 2-1) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 2-1):
Two surprisingly above-.500 teams square off. Dave's team looks stronger so far, but Allen's a sneaky one; his RBs may not look like much, but he makes up for it with some solid WRs and TEs, sending Reggie Wayne (@JAC), Marques Colston (CAR), and Greg Olsen (@NYG) out there. Dave, meanwhile, hopes his early RB advantage will counter Allen's pass catchers enough so that Philip Rivers (ARI) will save the day. Pick: Our Lil' Albondigas.
Closing Thoughts
Kev, hope you're feeling better. Thoughts are with you.
-Eddo