The Sanderson Gazette - 2010-10-05 - The Word of the Day Is Concussion
"At least the Bears are better than Rob's team" - Matt
Week Four Recap
Derrek def. Ed, 128.72-90.03:
D emerges from the last Battle of the Undefeateds in first place. It's a testament to how solid his team is that no one scored more than 21.10 points (Rashard Mendenhall) or less than 7.00 (Seahawks defense). Ed didn't have a particularly rough week, but Chris Johnson's lack of production (4.77 points) was his undoing. Not even another strong week from Antonio Gates (31.20) was enough.
Pulley def. Babel, 72.91-72.19:
Babel almost gets a dirty win of his own, but cannot. It was only this close because Pulley's franchise player, one James Robert Douglas Bironas, missed a field goal. Fun fact: Only four numbers are needed to represent the score of this game!
Rabbit def. Kevin, 140.87-77.71:
Kevin falls to 0-4, a new personal low. At least he's not Rob. Rabbit gets huge weeks from Terrell Owens (35.60 points) and Arian Foster (32.57), which offset mediocre performances from Santana Moss (0.50) and Aaron Hernandez (3.87). Will the Patriots oblige him and trade for Vincent Jackson? The rest of the Blingaleague hopes not.
Matt def. Rob, 89.88-51.64:
Rob avoids the Slapped Heartbeat award, predicted by Pulley, but doesn't avoid the league cellar for another week. Matt had what can be considered an off week for him, with five players scoring less than 10 points. However, he lucked into playing Rob, who had four players score exactly zero!
Mike def. Pat, 102.77-50.11:
A promising season for Pat has lost its luster, with Jay Cutler's -10.90 points paving the way to a 1-3 start. Meanwhile, Mike gets huge weeks from Ahmad Bradshaw (18.77 points) and the Chargers defense (28.00), to improve to 3-1.
Allen def. Dave, 94.19-63.68:
One of these two was going to be the most surprising 3-1 team ever. It turns out, that honor goes to Allen, convincingly. Despite stubbornly sticking with Greg Olsen over Dustin Keller, Dr. Clark picks up another win, getting a parcticularly strong week from his first-round pick, Reggie Wayne (24.13 points).
Current Standings
Derrek, 4-0, 404.70
Rabbit, 3-1, 466.66
Ed, 3-1, 405.34
Mike, 3-1, 392.11
Allen, 3-1, 335.43
Dave, 2-2, 444.50
Matt, 2-2, 429.03
Pulley, 2-2, 305.28
Babel, 1-3, 407.88
Pat, 1-3, 318.74
Kevin, 0-4, 332.60
Rob, 0-4, 287.34
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Pralines & Dick. 140.87 points. Rabbit knows how to play this game, don't you think?
Slapped Heartbeat: Pat earns this for the second week in a row, with a rather bad 50.11. That's Rob Country, right there.
Start of the Week: The only game tight enough for one player to make a difference was won by Pulley, who came closer to costing himself the game with bad starts than winning it with a clutch one. Therefore, I'll grudgingly appease Mike and give this to him, for playing the Chargers defense and being rewarded with 28.00 points.
Misplay of the Week: Babel cost himself 14.40 points by playing Michael Vick (4.15) instead of Carson Palmer (18.55). Even if you combine the score of both Eagles QBs (17.30), they don't match up to Carson.
Week Four Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 3-1) vs. D's AutoPicks (Derrek, 4-0):
For the second straight week, we're going to see a matchup between the first- and second-place teams.
Both Rabbit and D have been winning games solidly, so something has to give. Rabbit has a lot of juicy matchups this week: Peyton Manning against the Chiefs, MJD against the Bills, Arian Foster against the Giants, and Mark Clayton against the Lions.
On the other hand, Derrek has some rough waters to navigate. His top RB, Rashard Mendenhall, is on his bye week. His usual starting back, Darren McFadden is hurt.
This one's easy, folks. Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Other Blingamatches
Champaign Supernovas (Kevin, 0-4) vs. Location Nouns (Rob, 0-4):
Not only are we treated to a #1 vs. #2 battle, but we get to watch the #11 vs. #12 matchup in horror! Kevin must be aware there's no better way to get off the scheid than to play against Rob, but he does have his work cut out for him. Much of his team, including QB Tom Brady, in on a bye week. Even that might not be enough for Rob's team of zero-point all-stars to get the win. Pick: Location Nouns.
Cuban Fumin' Humans (Babel, 1-3) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 3-1):
Allen runs an interesting team. He's made a habit of playing the wrong Panthers RB week-to-week, yet he sits at 3-1, currently in playoff position. Babel deserves better than a 1-3 record when you look at how many points he's scored. As long as Babel doesn't leave --empty-- in at defense, I think he can upset our resident Autobot. Pick: Cuban Fumin' Humans.
Not You Fat Jesus (Pat, 1-3) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 2-2):
No one's Blingaleague fortunes have improved as much as Pulley's the past two weeks. He's moved from "punchline" to "tied with Dave" (did you ever think that would be a compliment?). Pat has to be excited that Randy Moss is now a Viking, as Brett Favre's numbers should improve. Also, Pulley has to be excited that Randy Moss is now a Viking, as Randy Moss's numbers should improve. Pick: Not You Fat Jesus.
Jackie Moon's Bounce (Mike, 3-1) vs. Our Lil' Albondigas (Dave, 2-2):
Dave has to be worried. Two weeks ago, he was on top of the Blingaworld. Now, he finds himself tied with Pulley (and yes, we all expect that to be an insult). Meanwhile, Mike's having a sneakily good season. I'm going to ride the hot hand. Pick: Jackie Moon's Bounce.
Leavitt Langoliers (Ed, 3-1) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 2-2):
Matt, remember how you Jermichael'd me in week one of the B League? Well, this week, you're getting Antonio'd. Pick: Leavitt Langoliers.
Closing Thoughts
It may be early, but it seems like this year has the worst point-to-record correlation I can remember. Yes, Babel usually gets screwed somehow, but it's especially bad this year; he sits a game behind Pulley, despite having 102 more points. Even worse, he sits two games behind Allen, despite outscoring our resident OBGYN by 72 points.
Dave and Matt are in similar, if not quite as extreme boats. Both have more points than Derrek, yet sit two games behind our current leader.
Chances are, this gets mostly rectified by season's end, but for now, it's something to notice.
Yours always,
E. W. Gross