The Sanderson Gazette - 2010-10-21 - Of Soup Vendors and Stunters
Pulley: "Locate my nutsack"
Rob: "Is it in a jar on Megan's nightstand?"
Week Six Recap
Kevin def. Allen, 85.22-79.38:
Kevin emerges victorious for the first time this season, taking down the previously-fortunate medical professonial of the league. Pierre Garcon delivers a big week for the only winless team, and his 19.73 points plus Greg Jennings's 23.73 are enough to power past Allen. Only Tony Romo (23.57 points) scored more than 12 points for Optimus Prime.
Dave def. Rabbit, 113.91-102.53:
Rabbit's run atop the Blingaleague standings has come to an end, courtesy of everyone's favorite perennial underdog. Dave's all-Eagle-all-the-time WR corps paid off this week, with DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin combining for a whopping 54.13 points. Arian Foster had a good rebound week (22.57 points), but it wasn't enough for Rabs to avoid his second loss of the year.
Rob def. Babel, 94.74-90.80:
Babel can talk Rob's talk ("Prepare to be adjective by opposing team"), but, surprisingly, he can't walk Rob's walk. The younger Gross squeaks out his second consecutive win, while Babel could only watch helplessly from Solider Field. Babel, in a Roblike move, got a combined zero points from Visanthe Shiancoe and Kevin Walter.
Derrek def. Mike, 104.37-69.62:
Derrek remains tied for first behind a solid beatdown of Mike. Only Donald Driver (4.13 points) and Kellen Winslow (5.73) scored less than eight points for D, while six(!) players scored four points or less for Mike.
Ed def. Pat, 99.20-73.73:
This was a strange game. Pat got bitten by Sunday waivers and was forced to play two Bengals on their bye week. It looked that that might have been the difference, but then Chris Johnson got a ridiculous garbage time touchdown for Ed, becoming this game's high scorer (19.77 points) in the process. With the win, Ed moves into first place on the points scored tiebreaker.
Pulley def. Matt, 128.22-104.91:
Pulley stays hot, winning his fourth game in a row. The Sanderson Cup is apparently a bad luck charm for the second season in a row, as Matt has had a knack for putting together his best weeks against his strongest competition. In a brilliant stroke of luck, Dwayne Bowe has a good week for Pulley, putting up 26.40 points.
Current Standings
Ed, 5-1, 653.69
Derrek, 5-1, 592.75
Dave, 4-2, 696.76
Rabbit, 673.53
Pulley, 4-2, 551.62
Mike, 3-3, 568.38
Allen, 3-3, 480.29
Matt, 2-4, 610.26
Babel, 2-4, 583.76
Rob, 2-4, 473.72
Pat, 1-5, 495.88
Kevin, 1-5, 484.72
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Pulley puts up 128.22 points to snag the Team Blangums award this week. I think we can officially anoint him a "contender".
Slapped Heartbeat: Mike sputters to 69.62 points. Surely, he can do better.
Start of the Week: Rob sat Mike Sims-Walker's 2.13 points in favor of Jason Witten's 6.93, which was enough of a difference for the Nouns to prevail over Babel's Fumin' Humans.
Misplay of the Week: Allen played the wrong Jets' WR. Santonio Holmes score 5.67 points on his bench, while Jerricho Cotchery put up a mere 2.40 in his starting lineup.
Week Seven Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 4-2, 5th) vs. Location Nouns (Rob, 2-4, 10th):
This is not the official Clash of Hatred; that occurs in Week Thirteen. However, it is the most compelling game in a week of rivarly pre-matchups.
Combined, Rob and Adam (it's weird to call him that) have combined for six straight wins. At one time, they were both considered Blingaleague bottom-feeders. Now, only Rob is.
Yes, Rob's team is still bad. Especially this week, as with Andre Johnson on his bye, Rob is being forced to play Danny Woodhead as a... WR? Well, Yahoo! allows it, though it is a bit strange to see.
Meanwhile, Pulley hopes his Saints RB (Christopher Ivory) is better than Rob's (Pierre Thomas), as New Orleans hosts Cleveland. I don't think it will matter, as Pulley seems stronger at all the other positions.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Other Blingamatches
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 4-2, 3rd) vs. Not You Fat Jesus (Pat, 1-5, 11th):
Pat has lost five in a row, but he's catching Rabbit at the perfect time: Peyton Manning's on his bye week. I'm not sure that will be enough, though, as Rabbit has a strong team. Should Rabs win, Pat could still exact revenge come the real Rivaly Week. Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 2-4, 8th) vs. Jackie Moon's Bounce (Mike, 3-3, 6th):
In yet another prequel to Rivaly Week, one pair of Blinagafirstcousins battle it out. Eventually, Matt has to win one of these close games, right? Wait, Mike should be due, as well? Ugh. Pick: Harrison Hammers.
Champaign Supernovas (Kevin, 1-5, 12th) vs. Our Lil' Albondigas (Dave, 4-2, 3rd):
Both of these Blingafirstcousins are coming off their biggest wins of the season. For Kev, it's his only win; for Dave, it's a takedown of the previous first-place team, Rabbit. Both hope to carry on their momentum; only one will. Pick: Our Lil' Albondigas.
Leavitt Langoliers (Ed, 5-1, 1st) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 3-3, 7th):
Allen has a lot of guys on bye weeks. Ed does not. I hate writing about my own team. Pick: Leavitt Langoliers.
Cuban Fumin' Humans (Babel, 2-4, 9th) vs. D's AutoPicks (Derrek, 5-1, 2nd):
Babel's Kevin Kolb pick looked terrible, then passable, then genius. Meanwhile, Derrek's whole draft looks fairly genius. Will it be enough to continue Babel's tough luck year? Pick: D's AutoPicks.
Closing Thoughts
I'm drunk. And a little angry. But not at you guys. You're all awesome.
Vaya con blingums,
Eddo