The Sanderson Gazette - 2010-11-04 - Halfway Home
"HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!" - Pulley, either enjoying the Giants' Series win or letting Nathan Michael Pulley use the keyboard
Trade Announcement
Pulley has traded Vernon Davis (TE, 49ers) and Justin Forsett (RB, Seahawks) to Mike for Malcom Floyd (WR, Chargers). As far as blockbusters go, it's not one. It is nice to see some action, though.
The trade deadline is November 26.
Week Eight Recap
Babel def. Kevin, 86.61-84.10:
As Warden Norton once said, salvation comes from within. And the Fumin' Humans' season has been saved in such a manner, thanks to Babel's patience with his Viking-heavy roster. Mark moves into the coveted sixth place despite getting no points from Kevin Walter, due to Adrian Peterson's 21.87 and Percy Harvin's 15.87. Kevin gets 21.00 points from the Packer defense in a losing effort.
Ed def. Dave, 86.18-80.75:
In another matchup of eightysomething-scorers, Ed improves to 7-1. Once again, Antonio Gates was clutch for the Langoliers, putting up 22.40 points. Dave gets 18+ points from Philip Rivers, Mike Williams (Tampa Bay version), and Frank Gore, but loses thanks to Kenny Britt's injury-driven goose egg and Hines Ward's general suckitude on Monday night (2.00 points).
Rob def. Pat, 128.18-46.13:
Pat starts only four guys who actually played, and while two (Larry Fitzgerald and Lance Moore) had solid weeks, his negligence likely didn't make a difference. Rob's team has officially woken up; and with only three players scoring less than ten points, he nearly nabs the Team Blangums award for the week.
Matt def. Allen, 84.54-47.94:
Tales of Negligence, Part Two: Allen once again fails to update his roster; though, like Pat, he probably would have lost no matter what. Babel has to be disappointed that his insults fell on deaf ears. On the other side of this matchup, Matt gets a huge week from Calvin Johnson (31.47 points).
Rabbit def. Mike, 143.13-64.25:
Meanwhile, Mike has no excuse for his poor score. Of course, there was no defeating Rabbit this week. Brandon Lloyd (28.53 points) led four 20+ point scorers for Pralines & Dick. And Dan Carpenter pitched in 19.00 from the kicker slot, to boot. Mike's high scorer was Miles Austin, with 15.60 points.
Pulley def. Derrek, 87.14-63.45:
Break up the MondoSquad! Pulley's team has won six games in a row, after starting 0-2. While this wasn't his strongest week in the recent past, he did get 25.83 points from Jamaal Charles. D finds himself in an odd state - on a losing streak. Donald Driver's big fat zero was bad, but the Seahawks' defense's -2.00 was worse.
Current Standings
Ed, 7-1, 851.05
Rabbit, 6-2, 928.51
Pulley, 6-2, 749.86
Derrek, 5-3, 760.57
Dave, 4-4, 876.78
Babel, 4-4, 777.46
Mike, 4-4, 727.17
Matt, 3-5, 788.35
Rob, 3-5, 692.71
Allen, 3-5, 578.81
Kevin, 2-6, 689.61
Pat, 1-7, 605.86
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Rabbit grabs yet another Team Blangums award, with 143.13 points this week.
Slapped Heartbeat: Pat narrowly takes this distinction by 1.81 points over (under?) Allen; Not You Fat Jesus burped up a lowly 46.13 points.
Start of the Week: Rob takes advantage of Danny Woodhead's flexibility, starting him at WR and getting 13.30 points out of it.
Misplay of the Week: Dave played the Jets' defense over the Cardinals', costing himself 7.00 points. In a six-point loss.
Week Nine Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Our Lil' Albondigas (Dave, 4-4, 5th) vs. D's AutoPicks (Derrek, 5-3, 4th):
Despite currently sitting on two-game losing streaks, neither the Lil' Albondigas and the AutoPicks have fallen out of playoff position all season. However, their recent struggles have put them on shaky ground.
Dave really could use a win, as he finds himself sitting at .500 with two other teams. His point total is high enough to give him a tiny margin for error, but if he doesn't perform well this week, he could suddenly find himself on the outside, looking in.
Derrek has a bigger buffer, but he, too, could find himself in seventh place a week from now if things break the wrong way.
The good news for both owners is that their teams remain strong on the whole, particularly at quarterback; Philip Rivers (@HOU) goes for Dave, and Drew Brees (@CAR) gets the nod for Derrek. The rest of D's team looks a little more solid this week, though. Pick: D's AutoPicks.
Other Blingamatches
Location Nouns (Rob, 3-5, 9th) vs. The Grossmans (Mike, 4-4, 7th):
While the two teams facing off in our featured matchup could wind up in seventh next week, Mike is in seventh now. And being in that position forced his hand to make a move to grab another RB (Justin Forsett) and a TE on his bye week (Vernon Davis). Surprisingly, Rob is not out of it, either. The arrival of Ben Roethlisberger has sparked his team, and it doesn't hurt that his duo of white running backs (Peyton Hillis, Danny Woodhead) has been solid. Pick: Location Nouns.
Champaign Supernovas (Kevin, 2-6, 11th) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 6-2, 3rd):
What an autumn it's been for Pulley: a brand-new son grows before his eyes, his 27th birthday occurs, his Giants win the World Series, and his MondoSquad wins six straight Blingagames. Kevin's recent luck hasn't been as stellar, but he's been putting up some good fights recently, and I feel comfortable saying that his team is better than its record. The groundwork is in place for an upset, powered by one Michael Turner against the iffy Tampa Bay defense. Pick: Champaign Supernovas.
Leavitt Langoliers (Ed, 7-1, 1st) vs. Cuban Fumin' Humans (Babel, 4-4, 6th):
Babel finally claws his way back up to a playoff position, and his reward is facing only the second 7-1 team in Blingaleague history. The Langoliers sure don't feel that dominant, though, do they? Pick: Cuban Fumin' Humans.
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 6-2, 2nd) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 3-5, 10th):
Now, Rabbit's team does feel like a dominant squad. That, combined with my complete lack of faith that Allen will actually change his lineup this week, makes this an easy choice. Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 3-5, 8th) vs. Not You Fat Jesus (Pat, 1-7, 12th):
We could call this the Disappointment Bowl, and it still might not capture the frustration felt by these two owners. Matt, coming of a Blingabowl championship, has put together an inconsistent team. Pat, who had a promising victory in the opening week, hasn't won since, having been twice-bitten by the bye week/Sunday waivers monster. Both teams look better on paper than they have been in real life. Pick: Not You Fat Jesus.
Closing Thoughts
Allen, if you are reading this, it means you have internet access of some kind. Hence, you have the ability to update your lineup. Yes, there's an app for that.
Soberly yours,
Ed