The Sanderson Gazette - 2010-12-01 - Polar Opposites
This is it. One playoff spot remains. Allen controls his own destiny. Should he falter, Dave or Rob can swoop in. It's on.
Week Twelve Recap
Allen def. Pat, 107.08-100.31:
Allen scores 100 points for the third week in a row, after failing to do so the first nine of the season. Pat takes another tough loss, and finds himself all alone in the Blingabasement. While the Tom Brady (32.15 points) and Michael Turner (17.53) trade looked great for Pat this week, he was edged by the good doctor, thanks to big games from Matt Cassel (30.45) and David Akers (15.00).
Pulley def. Dave, 127.17-103.96:
Is Dave in the process of blowing it? I guess it's hard to really say that, since he did score over 100 points this week, but he is on the verge of missing the playoffs despite being #2 in points for most of the year. Pulley gets an enormous game from Dwayne Bowe (40.67 points) to overcome a goose egg from Rob Bironas.
Babel def. Mike, 110.75-105.49:
Mike is our third 100-point-scoring loser of the week, as he falls just short of Babel. While Michael Crabtree's 12.40 points made it interesting on Monday night, Babel's 23.05 from Michael Vick, 24.00 from Wes Welker, and, most importantly, 20.00 from the Texans' defense was enough for victory.
Rob def. Derrek, 118.23-86.08:
Rob stays alive for the playoffs by beating D convincingly. Peyton Hillis led the way with 39.50 points for the victor. Derrek did get 19.10 from Rashard Mendenhall and clinched a playoff berth despite the loss.
Rabbit def. Matt, 98.11-81.20:
The defending champ's season ends with a whimper, as he played three guys (Dez Bryant, Jahvid Best, and Tim Hightower) who scored zero points this week. It's especially disenheartening, since Rabbit failed to put up 100 points for the second time all season, and the first time since week two. Rabs secures a first-round bye with the win.
Kevin def. Ed, 110.23-63.42:
Kevin, as he so kindly points out, would be on a four-game winning streak and in playoff position if it weren't for Yahoo! stat corrections. This week, despite getting zero points from Mike Williams (SEA) and the Eagles' defense, he denied Ed a chance to clinch a bye. Chris Johnson put up an awful 0.77 points in the loss.
Current Standings
Rabbit, 10-2, 1468.60 (b)
Ed, 9-3, 1240.82 (*)
Pulley, 8-4, 1195.34 (*)
Babel, 7-5, 1197.39 (*)
Derrek, 7-5, 1151.93 (*)
Allen, 6-6, 989.22
Dave, 5-7, 1291.41
Rob, 5-7, 1117.41
Matt, 4-8, 1154.13 (e)
Mike, 4-8, 1091.95 (e)
Kevin, 4-8, 1079.11 (e)
Pat, 3-9, 1016.91 (e)
(*) Clinched playoff berth
(b) Clinched first-round bye
(e) Eliminated from playoff contention
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Rob got out to an early lead, but Pullman's MondoSquad surpassed his total. Pulley put up 127.17 points.
Slapped Heartbeat: Instead of clinching a bye, Ed's Leavitt Langoliers scored a putrid 63.42 points.
Start of the Week: Playing Matt Cassel paid off for Allen, as the Chiefs' QB scored 30.45 points, considerably more than Allen's other option, Donovan McNabb (9.25).
Misplay of the Week: If Mike had played Eddie Royal (15.87 points) over Jabar Gaffney (7.87), he would have another victory under his belt.
Playoff Scenarios
(The following scenarios do not take tiebreakers into account.)
Rabbit has clinched a first-round bye.
Rabbit clinches the #1 overall seed with:
a win or tie;
OR
a loss AND an Ed loss or tie.
Ed has clinched a playoff berth.
Ed clinches a first-round bye with:
a win or tie;
OR
a loss AND a Pulley loss or tie.
(Ed is also still eligible for the #1 overall seed.)
Pulley has clinched a playoff berth.
(Pulley is also still eligible for a first-round bye.)
Babel has clinched a playoff berth.
Derrek has clinched a playoff berth.
Allen clinches a playoff berth with:
a win or tie;
OR
a loss AND a Dave loss or tie AND a Rob loss or tie.
If two or more of Allen, Dave, and Rob finish with identical 6-7 records, the following current point differentials will be in play:
Dave has the most points of the three;
Rob trails Dave by 174.00 points;
Allen trails Dave by 302.19 points.
Additionally, Allen has a 2-0 record against the other two, while Dave has a 1-1 record and Rob an 0-2 record, should the second tiebreaker need to be used.
Matt, Mike, Kevin, and Pat have been eliminated from playoff contention.
Week Thirteen Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Optimus Prime (Allen, 6-6, 6th) vs. D's AutoPicks (Derrek, 7-5, 5th):
Allen continues one of the strangest seasons in Blingaleague history. He began it a fluky 3-1, then lost five games in a row. As he sat there at 3-6, with the league's lowest point total, no one thought he'd be much of a threat. He even admitted that he had given up any hope of making the playoffs.
Since then, he hasn't scored less than 107.08 points. He's been on fire. And, as a result, he's in the playoffs with a win this week.
Of course, D would love for nothing more than to deny him a place in the Blingaleague postseason tournament. This is Rivalry Week, after all.
What do I think? I think key midseason addition Matt Cassel has a big game against the awful Denver defense. And I think that will be the deciding factor in this matchup. Pick: Optimus Prime.
Other Blingamatches
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 8-4, 3rd) vs. Location Nouns (Rob, 5-7, 8th):
The Clash of Hatred has playoff implications this, for both teams. Pulley hopes to leapfrog Ed into the second bye spot, while Rob hopes to sneak into the playoffs as the sixth seed. Peyton Hillis has been huge for Rob, while Dwayne Bowe has been equally huge for Pulley. Pick: Location Nouns.
Champaign Supernovas (Kevin, 4-8, 11th) vs. Our Lil' Albondigas (Dave, 5-7, 7th):
If Dave does win, and Derrek cooperates by beating Allen, Our Lil' Albondigas will cease to be the only Blingleague franchise to never make the playoffs. To reach the promised land, Dave will first have to win the FIFA World Cup game from Kevin. Never an easy thing to do, let alone without the now-injured Frank Gore. Pick: Champaign Supernovas.
Leavitt Langoliers (Ed, 9-3, 2nd) vs. Cuban Fumin' Humans (Babel, 7-5, 4th):
Ed has been marching toward a first-round bye all season, and yet he now sits on the verge of losing it to Pulley. Babel has performed quite a turnaround, going from potential also-ran to clinching a playoff berth. He'd like to enter the postseason on a winning streak. The Timberwolves hat is a tantalizing prize, to boot. Pick: Cuban Fumin' Humans.
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 10-2, 1st) vs. Not You Fat Jesus (Pat, 3-9, 12th):
As far as juicy matchups go, this isn't one. Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 4-8, 9th) vs. The Grossmans (Mike, 4-8, 10th):
This game isn't much better. Combined, these two Blingafirstcousins will reach nine wins. Pick: The Grossmans.
Closing Thoughts
It's been another great year.
Ed