"I behaved myself, could have dumped good players to get potential keepers (like guys on IR), but I didn't because I'm a swell guy" - Matt, on his post-week-13 roster moves.

Week Thirteen Recap

Allen def. Derrek, 117.81-112.85:

Cries of joy eminated from Ukranian Village Monday night! Yes, that was Allen's "huzzah"-ing you heard, as he nabbed the sixth playoff spot by defeating Mr. Drenckpohl. Allen went the risky route this week, nearly costing himself that spot by starting two tight ends who did nothing (Dustin Keller, 3.60 points, and Greg Olsen, 0.67). Reggie Wayne's 32.67 and Marshawn Lynch's 28.57 made up for it just enough, as Allen edged his rival. D got good weeks from Brandon Jacobs (22.30) and the Giants' defense (20.00) in a losing effort.

Matt def. Mike, 93.67-83.35:

In the Barely Matters Bowl, Matt was led to victory by Aaron Rodgers (26.80 points) and dual 10.00-point efforts from Mason Crosby and the Steelers' defense. Kyle Orton (-0.15 points) assured Mike the loss.

Rob def. Pulley, 85.97-64.82:

The Clash of Hatred was this week's lowest-scoring game, helping Rob stay hopeful despite putting up less than 90 points. Pulley's WRs (Dwayne Bowe, Malcom Floyd, and Jason Avant) scored a combined 10.13 points; Andre Johnson (20.87) more than doubled that by himself, leading Rob to victory.

Kevin def. Dave, 95.49-69.37:

In a sad commentary of his fantasy track record, Dave put together his best season yet, and was rewarded with a 5-8 record. Because of Allen's victory, Kevin's triumph didn't keep Dave from the playoffs, but it did demoralize him quite well. Very little went right for Dave, as he got sub-standard weeks from Philip Rivers, the Eagles' WRs, and, most of all, the Jets' defense. Kevin was led by LeSean McCoy's 27.87 points.

Babel def. Ed, 131.10-101.69:

Michael Vick, Babel thanks you very much. Vick's 30.90 points got the Humans off to a great start, while Anquan Boldin (21.73), Adrian Peterson (28.83), and Cedric Benson (18.77) iced the victory. Greg Jennings (28.27) and Antonio Gates (15.73) paced Ed in his tough-luck loss.

Rabbit def. Pat, 105.85-75.80:

Not even Tom Brady's big night (29.60 points) could keep Pat close to Rabbit, who bounced back from his sub-100-point week thirteen. Rabbit's team, as usual, was led by Arian Foster (23.77) and Maurice Jones-Drew (19.13).

Final Regular-Season Standings

1. Rabbit, 11-2, 1574.45 (b)

2. Ed, 9-4, 1342.51 (b)

3. Babel, 8-5, 1328.49 (*)

4. Pulley, 8-5, 1260.16 (*)

5. Derrek, 7-6, 1264.78 (*)

6. Allen, 7-6, 1107.03 (*)

7. Rob, 6-7, 1203.38

8. Dave, 5-8, 1360.78

9. Matt, 5-8, 1247.80

10. Kevin, 5-8, 1174.60

11. Mike, 4-9, 1175.30

12. Pat, 3-10, 1092.71

(*) Made playoffs

(b) Earned first-round bye

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: I bring you Mark Babel, and his Cuban Fumin' Humans. His 131.10 points brings home Team Blangums this week. Fun fact: Babel has now earned final-week Team Blangums two years in a row.

Slapped Heartbeat: Pulley had an outside shot at a bye, but sputtered to the finish by scoring only 64.82 points.

Start of the Week: Rob picked up the Vikings' defense, and was rewarded with a cool 15.00 points.

Misplay of the Week: Derrek decided to stick with Sidney Rice as a keeper, despite the WR's injury issues. He would have rewarded his owner this week with 26.00 points. Instead, D played Braylon Edwards (5.20) and Stevie (formerly "Steve") Johnson (4.80).

Quarterfinals Preview

Cuban Fumin' Humans (Babel, 8-5, #3) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 7-6, #6):

Aside from Rabbit, who was never less than scorching, these are the two hottest teams in the Blingaleague.

Allen's up-and-down season is well-documented, but it bears mentioning again. After nine weeks, he had a 3-6 record; even more telling, he hadn't scored 100 points in any single game up until that point.

But that all changed. Since then, he's 4-0, and has broken 100 every week. He even defeated his rival, Derrek, twice in that span.

Babel's two-game winning streak isn't as long, but he has won an impressive six of seven heading into the playoffs. After week six, he sat at 2-4, and though himself a longshot to even make the posteason, yet lo and behold, Babel crept all the way up into third place on the last day of the season.

So, who has the edge? Over the course of the whole season, Babel had the better team; Allen's point total was second-lowest in the league, after all. However, I would say Allen has the matchups edge this week, particularly at WR.

But one position looms large: quarterback. Babel's been trotting out Michael Vick every week, and has been rewarded handsomely. Allen turned his season around thanks to Matt Cassel, but that could all unravel if Cassel's appendectomy keeps him sidelined this Sunday.

I can't back a team with QB issues like Allen's. (And the less said about his RBs, the better.) Pick: Cuban Fumin' Humans.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 8-5, #4) vs. D's AutoPicks (Derrek, 7-6, #5):

This matchup isn't as sexy as the other quarterfinal (which is saying a lot, since the latter involves Allen), but it should be just as compelling. Both Derrek and Pulley have been on track for the playoffs since the conclusion of week five, neither falling below sixth place in all that time.

Yet neither can be satisified in how the regular season ended. Derrek, who lost five in a row to close out the 2008 season and miss the playoffs, must have felt a little deja vu as he lost his last two again this year. And Pulley could not channel his hatred into victory against Rob, and lost out on the #3 seed he conveted so dearly.

Regardless, neither should be disappointed or lose optimism for a playoff run. Pulley hopes his WR corps, particularly Dwayne Bowe, can bounce back from a dismal week thirteen. Derrek hopes that Sidney Rice can finally contribute to a victory.

Yahoo! thinks this game will be close, and I don't disagree. I let the QB matchups dictate my pick in the other game this week, so I might as well do the same here. And Drew Brees is better than Eli Manning. Pick: D's AutoPicks.

Season Postmortems

Rob Gross (Location Nouns, 6-7, 7th):

During the first few weeks, with his draft blown up and his team in disarray, Rob could have packed it in. Instead, he made a few key pickups that turned his season around. Grabbing Peyton Hillis and Danny Woodhead helped Rob pull himself up into playoff contention; had Allen lost in week thirteen, Rob would be facing Babel this week. He also improved his keeper situation by shipping Jason witten to Pulley for LeGarrette Blount. It seems not that long ago that Rob's team was a punchline, so he can consider the seventh-place finish a moral victory.

Dave Fultz (Our Lil' Albondigas, 5-8, 8th):

Unlike Rob, Dave can't really take anything away from this season but disappointment. His point total was always among the top three in the Blingaleague, yet he didn't get the wins to show for it. And finally, with his season on the line, he dropped three straight to close out the year. It wasn't all bad, though; his keepers, Philip Rivers and Matt Forte, had good years, and drafting Frank Gore in the first round paid off for twelve weeks. Mike Williams (TB version) was his best pick of all, and looks to have some good value in 2011.

Matt Harrison (Harrison Hammers, 5-8, 9th):

Matt ended the season on a win, but there wasn't much else to be happy about. The defending Blingabowl winner may have enjoyed having the Sanderson Cup in his domicile, but his team didn't play like champions this year. Matt's draft strategy of rookie RB-rookie RB-rookie WR-rookie RB crashed and burned; Ryan Mathews and Jahvid Best were rarely healthy, Dez Bryant was wildly inconsistent, and C.J. Spiller wasn't used. Aaron Rodgers, the #1 overall QB, and Calvin Johnson were the lone bright spots on the roster.

Kevin Pattermann (Champaign Supernovas, 5-8, 10th):

Two words can summarize Kevin's season: stat corrections. Were it not for Yahoo!'s insistence on accuracy, Kevin would have finished 8-5 and made the playoffs for the third-straight year. Instead, he had nothing to do but focus on 2011 for the final few weeks, and did trade for at least one excellent keeper: LeSean McCoy. He also, amid debate over the quality of the move, acquire Sam Bradford, who actually had a good end-of-season run in addition to providing some future value as a 13th-rounder next year.

Mike Romor (The Grossmans, 4-9, 11th):

If my season had ended on a six-game losing streak, I'd have called it "bucking fullshit" as well. Mike did start the season well, sporting 2-0 and 4-3 records at various points in time, but his team very obviously fell apart right around the time he changed its name. Steven Jackson was solid all year, but Miles Austin, Kyle Orton, and Matt Schaub were inconsistent and prone to laying eggs. Ahmad Bradshaw was pretty good, and with Knowshon Moreno appearing to break out toward the end of the year, Mike may have some keeper options, at least.

Pat Gawne (Not You Fat Jesus, 3-10, 12th):

After a promising week one win, Pat's team lost seven in a row, which landed him in the cellar (or close to it) for good. He did win two in row after that and pulled off a blockbuster trade for Tom Brady and Michael Turner. It was a trade that helped both parties, for sure, though it had little consequence on the league as a whole. Pat's season was toast thanks to Brett Favre's age catching up with him and disappointing-to-disastrous seasons from Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Smith (CAR version). At least he has another year of Ray Rice to look forward to.

Draft Lottery

I won't be running the lottery until springtime, but the odds of getting the first pick will be:

Pat: 28.34%

Mike: 21.23%

Kevin: 14.81%

Matt: 14.20%

Dave: 13.27%

Rob: 8.14%

Closing Thoughts

Apologies for spamming everyone with the official rules twice this week, but I finally remembered to put them up on Google Docs. Included in that document are the rules regarding up until what point you can make transactions. The exact wording is: "Once the playoffs start, eliminated teams cannot waive players (or pick up players)." Therefore, those of you who did not make the playoffs have until the start of tomorrow night's game to add or drop players. At that point, I will freeze your rosters, so don't be alarmed.

As for guys in the playoffs, I think the same general rule should apply. If you are eliminated this weekend, you have until the start of next week's games to make moves. And so forth in the following weeks.

Please follow Matt's example and don't go crazy, dropping players that you normally never would. It would be pretty unblingums if you dropped a stud that would give a remaining playoff team an unfair gift.

Also, just ignore the consolation bracket that Yahoo! has up. If you want to go all-out to beat your consolation opponent, feel free, but the results of that bracket have no effect on next year's draft order.

Always,

Ed

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