Blingaleague victory in hand? Check.

Rob suffers a loss? Check.

49ers with their biggest win in years? Check.

28th birthday today? Check.

Who wouldn't want to be Pulley on this fine day? Well, except for the whole last-place thing...

Week Six Recap

Babel def. Rob, 101.26-99.16:

The hot air balloon that was Rob's season has dipped to dangerous altitudes. Babel got impressive games from the usual suspects (Vick, 17.25; Calvin Johnson, 15.07) and some surprises (Marques Colston, 21.73; Eagles defense, 14.00). That was enough to push him just past Rob, who learned that Aaron Rodgers (26.00) is not quite good enough to be a one-man team.

Mike def. Allen, 113.43-109.16:

Mike very nearly took another tough loss, thanks to a huge Monday Night surge by the Jets defense. Luckily for young Michael, Fred Jackson (24.37) and Jordy Nelson (19.87) were enough to offset below-grade days from Adrian Peterson (9.90) and the Saints defense (-1.00). Allen, not to be outdone, also had is own stinker: Pierre Thomas put up -0.23 points (though Erin will be pleased that Robbie Gould scored 15.00 for her beau).

Pulley def. Kevin, 89.22-84.80:

Nobody loves Frank Gore like Pulley does. And the '9ers RB reciprocated to the tune of 20.77 points. Add in 10.93 points from Darrius Heyward-Bey (yes, Pulley actually had to start DHB), and it was enough for Pulley to get past Kevin. The latter's ride aboard the Victor Cruz train might have ended, as the Giants WR only provided 1.60 points in the loss.

Matt def. Rabbit, 111.24-102.68:

In yet another upset, Matt hammered home a victory against the red-hot Rabbit. Only Reggie Wayne (7.73) and Felix Jones (3.93) did not score in double figures for the newly-wed Mr. Harrison. The Bears defense was his big-money player, scoring 17.00 points thanks to Devin Hester. Rabbit's RBs could have done better, though they certainly weren't solely to blame; Arian Foster and James Starks underachieved with 11.83 and 7.17 points, respectively

Derrek def. Ed, 99.76-69.43:

Derrek finally got a big day from Rashard Mendenhall, with 20.60 points. That, combined with Darren McFadden's continued excellence (15.37) allowed him to cruise to an easy victory. Ed got bad games from both his studs (Roddy White, 2.80) and his bye-week fill-ins (Kendall Hunter, 3.30).

Dave def. Pat, 134.36-70.39:

Ahmad Bradshaw, welcome to the party. Dave has finally begun to play the RB regularly, and was rewarded this week with a whopping 31.87 points. Michael Turner supplied 26.97 and the Packers defense chipped in with 12.00 of their own. Only Ray Rice (18.10) and Donald Brown (11.63) scored in double figures for Pat. And QBs of America, pray you don't wind up on Pat's team; Jason Campbell becomes the fourth QB rostered by Mr. Gawne to suffer injury (following Peyton Manning, Kerry Collins, and Chad Henne). Ouch.

Current Standings

1. Allen, 4-2, 644.97
2. Babel, 4-2, 631.47
3. Derrek, 4-2, 615.85
4. Rob, 3-3, 706.38
5. Mike, 3-3, 660.33
6. Rabbit, 3-3, 657.82
7. Kevin, 3-3, 643.39
8. Ed, 3-3, 619.47
9. Matt, 3-3, 612.56
10. Dave, 2-4, 632.00
11. Pat, 2-4, 540.29
12. Pulley, 2-4, 535.82

"200 Points, Bitches"

Nine points per game isn't going to cut it, Derrek.

Steelers defense:

Week Four: 9.00

Season-To-Date: 38.00

Points To Goal: 162.00

Among the twelve defenses that have scored more points than the Steelers so far: Detroit, Cincinnati, Washington, Houston, and Buffalo. What rounds were they all drafted in?

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Dave put up 134.36 points. I don't think any of us saw that coming.

Slapped Heartbeat: I put up a gentleman's 69.43. What happened to my once-promising team?

Start of the Week: Mike could have played a slew of other RB/WRs instead of Jordy Nelson; each of them would have produced considerably less than the Packer WR's 19.87 points. And cost him an important win against Allen.

Misplay of the Week: He didn't want to draft him. He didn't want to play him. And now, Allen surely doesn't want to hear that Jonathan Stewart cost him a victory. The Panthers RB's 14.00 languished on Allen's bench, while Pierre Thomas put up -0.23 in a starting role.

Week Seven Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Goulden Pink OBGYN's (Babel, 4-2, 2nd) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 4-2, 1st): Number one vs. number two. Our very own OBGYN vs. the man whose team name mocks said profession. This is the kind of game where everything is left out of the field, folks. Well, metaphorically, I suppose.

For added kicks, it pits Megatron against Optimus Prime.

Yes, Calvin Johnson, the top Decepticon himself, has been a boon for Babel. Yahoo projects him to have a big game against the Falcons, and I don't disagree. Throw in a healthy Marques Colston, coming off a big week, and the shifty Percy Harvin, and Babel's WRs look good.

Allen's, not so much. Steve Smith has been strong, but Robert Meachem and newly-minted Ram Brandon Lloyd have not. Good thing Allen's RBs are so good, right? Right? Alas, Steven Jackson, Pierre Thomas, and Jonathan Stewart are no one's version of a stud backfield. How is Allen in first place, again? Is it all Robbie Gould and the Jets defense? I guess Drew Brees helps, but color me unimpressed.

Pick: Goulden Pink OBGYN's.

Other Blingamatches

Location Nouns (Rob, 3-3, 4th) vs. The Yips (Dave, 2-4, 10th): Dave's follow-up to his Team Blangums week is a slew of byes. Yikes. And it happens against Rob, who will watch with glee as Aaron Rodgers gets to tear up the Vikings defense that made Jay Cutler look like, well, Aaron Rodgers.

Pick: Location Nouns.

Oedipus Rex Ryan (Mike, 3-3, 5th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 3-3, 7th): Here we have two underachieving teams. Mike, relative to his point total, and Kevin, relative to his preseason outlook. This week, the former hopes Tony Romo and Miles Austin make beautiful music against the Rams, while the latter hopes Sam Bradford is a reasonable QB fill-in against the Cowboys. When you also consider that Kevin's most consistent point-scorer, LeSean McCoy, is on bye, this one becomes easy to predict.

Pick: Oedipus Rex Ryan.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 2-4, 12th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 3-3, 6th): Pulley must be shaking in his boots, going up against Tim Tebow! That's right, Rabs snagged the hyped-up lefty off waivers, and is now playing him while Tom Brady's resting on his bye (probably getting another haircut). Pulley, up against long odds, will be relying on Darrius Heyward-Bey for the second-straight week. Hmm...

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

St. Olaf Real Stuff (Ed, 3-3, 8th) vs. Camp Hope (Pat, 2-4, 11th): My team's back at full strength following two brutal, garbage performances. Pat's team has suffered more casualties than the South did at Antietam. Who will play QB for him this week? And more importantly, will they last until week eight?

Pick: St. Olaf Real Stuff.

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 3-3, 9th) vs. D's AutoPicks (Derrek, 4-2, 3rd): D's back in his old familiar third place, having survived his Week o' Byes like a rockstar. Matt, thanks in particular to Jimmy Graham, finds himself on the edge of the playoff hunt, but dealing with some injuries to his RBs (Jahvid Best, concussion; Felix Jones, chronic Felix-Jones-itis). Derrek's RBs (McFadden and Mendenhall) are healthy and dangerous.

Pick: D's AutoPicks.

Closing Thoughts

We're six weeks in, and every single team is within two games of first place. I cannot stress how evenly team quality is spread amongst Blingaleague franchises this season.

Also, happy birthday to Adam.

E$

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