The Sanderson Gazette - 2011-11-23 - I Am For Real
Six teams are sitting at six wins. These last two weeks could be epic.
Week Eleven Recap
Rob def. Mike, 113.84-107.37:
Aaron Rodgers (25.75) and Rob Gronkowski (24.80) did their usual thing for Rob, but they were offset by Tony Romo (22.40) and Jordy Nelson (28.40) for Mike. It was Chris Ogbonnaya and his 20.03 points that were key for Rob, overcoming a rough day from Wes Welker (2.93). Mike had no real duds, but no other stellar performers. Both teams now find themselves in the 6-5 logjam.
Ed def. Allen, 102.14-92.49:
My five-game run of good fortune continues, despite Brandon Marshall's awful game (0.67). I was led by Vincent Jackson (28.00) and the Patriots defense (22.00); the latter helped Allen win in his other league, but was ultimately his undoing in the (Blinga)league that really matters. Allen got good weeks from Jason Witten (17.33), Brandon Lloyd (14.93) and Marshawn Lynch (14.93), but it wasn't enough.
Derrek def. Rabbit, 89.22-50.74:
That's not a misprint; Rabbit barely cracked the half-century mark. He had three players (Greg Jennings, 0.80; Denarius Moore, 1.87; and David Nelson, 0.00) fail to reach the two-point mark. He was led by Tom Brady's rather human 15.70 points. Derrek's week wasn't much better, but he rode Philip Rivers's 18.00 to a victory, putting himself in position to grab a first-round bye.
Matt def. Dave, 120.82-97.57:
Matt's torrid run continued, as he got 30.95 points from Matthew Stafford, 18.83 from Maurice Jones-Drew, and a surprising 18.93 from Johnny Knox. Dave's season, led once again by Cam Newton (26.70) is over.
Babel def. Pulley, 119.29-67.69:
Despite being without Michael Vick, Babel won easily. Alex Smith (21.05) filled in quite nicely, while only two players on Mark's team failed to register double-digit scores. Pulley got 20.10 from Matt Ryan, but also 0.00 from Eric Decker. Ouch.
Pat def. Kevin, 109.79-83.90:
I have insisted all year that Kevin's team was good enough to win the Sanderson Cup, but he does nothing but prove me wrong. This week? A loss to Pat. Jay Cutler, despite the curse of playing QB for Pat's team striking, put up an excellent 27.40 points for Pat, who also got 28.13 from Ray Rice and 21.33 from Jabar Gaffney. Kevin made the mistake of playing the reeling Bills defense, which cost him -4.00 points.
Current Standings
Ed, 8-3, 1120.70 (*)
Derrek, 7-4, 1082.57
Rabbit, 6-5, 1201.99
Rob, 6-5, 1200.36
Mike, 6-5, 1162.72
Allen, 6-5, 1150.18
Matt, 6-5, 1144.57
Babel, 6-5, 1114.63
Kevin, 4-7, 1109.50
Pulley, 4-7, 977.43
Pat, 4-7, 944.11
Dave, 3-8, 1078.44 (e)
(*) Clinched a playoff berth
(e) Eliminated from playoff contention
"200 Points, Bitches"
Steelers defense:
Week Ten: BYE
Season-To-Date: 60.00 (6.00 per week)
Points To Goal: 140.00 (70.00 per week)
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Matt's Harrison Hammers came through for the second week in a row, with 120.82 points.
Slapped Heartbeat: Out of nowhere, Rabbit's Pralines & Dick squad scored only 50.74 points. Wow.
Start of the Week: None. In the only two close games, the winners (Rob and Ed) left points on their benches.
Misplay of the Week: Hesitantly, I give this to Michael. He played Aaron Hernandez (5.87) over Kellen Winslow (17.60), and lost by less than seven points. It was a bad outcome, but I'm not sure any of us would have made the right choice had we been in his position.
Weekly MVP: Rob got 20.03 points from Chris Ogbonnaya, which propelled him to victory.
Weekly Dud: Greg Jennings, 0.80 points? Brandon Marshall, 0.67? Rabbit and I can share this award.
Pickup of the Week: Patriots defense, 22.00 points; now back to the free agent pool. Need I say more?
Playoff Scenarios
Ed has clinched a playoff berth. (Note: Yahoo doesn't show this, but I ran through all the scenarios, and we can, at most, wind up with six teams with at least eight wins; at least two of Allen, Babel, Mike, and Matt must are unable to get two more wins, since Allen and Babel play each other this week and Mike and Matt play each other next week.)
Ed clinches a first-round bye with:
- a win or tie.
Derrek clinches a playoff berth with:
- a win;
OR
- a tie AND a Rabbit loss AND a Rob loss;
OR
- a tie AND an a Mike loss AND a Matt loss AND an Allen/Babel tie.
Derrek clinches a first-round bye with:
- a win AND a Rabbit loss or tie AND a Rob loss or tie AND a Mike loss or tie AND a Matt loss or tie AND an Allen/Babel tie.
Week Twelve Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
St. Olaf Real Stuff (Ed, 8-3, 1st) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 6-5, 3rd):
The second rematch of last year's Blingabowl has huge consequences on the playoff picture. The other five six-win teams have to hope Rabs loses, since he's in the best shape of all of them. And should he win, he'll have a shot at a bye.
What Ed needs:
To keep up his recent luck. Not that I don't have a good team - Matt Forte has been great, Ryan Mathews has been good, and my WRs have been capable of huge games - but my current five-game streak has involved a few instances of catching opponents at the perfect times.
What Rabbit needs:
To get back to business. His team looked like the class of the Blingaleague just a week ago, but his awful week eleven showing has reminded us that even the strong can crap the bed sometimes. Should Arian Foster have an off week, Rabbit could find himself in another lost cause. On the other hand, with a win, Rabs will be all but guaranteed a playoff spot thanks to his high point total.
Pick: St. Olaf Real Stuff.
Other Blingamatches
Goulden Pink OBGYN's (Babel, 6-5, 8th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 6-5, 6th):
What Babel needs:
To get hot again. Babel looked to be in great shape five weeks ago, but has only won two games since. Looking up every other six-win team, Babel must win twice to give himself any comfort.
What Allen needs:
To right the ship. Two weeks ago, he was all alone in first place, looking to set a new record of superiority. Now, he's clinging to the final playoff spot. A loss here would be devastating.
Pick: Optimus Prime.
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 4-7, 10th) vs. D's AutoPicks (Derrek, 7-4, 2nd):
What Pulley needs:
A miracle. Technically, all three four-win teams are still able to make the playoffs. Thanks to his low point total, Pulley has to hope for biggest come-from-behind surge since my '08 campaign.
What Derrek needs:
His own miracle. By that, I mean he needs the Steelers defense to put up unheard-of numbers to fulfill his draft-day boast. With regards to the playoffs? He needs to just keep scratching out wins, like he's done all year.
Pick: D's AutoPicks.
Oedipus Rex Ryan (Mike, 6-5, 5th) vs. Camp Hope (Pat, 4-7, 11th):
What Mike needs:
Healthy running backs. All season, Mike has looked like a serious contender, thanks to Adrian Peterson and Fred Jackson. And now, neither is supposed to play this week. Luckily, he's up against former bottom-dweller Pat, but that can't be much consoloation for Michael.
What Pat needs:
To stop injuring quarterbacks. Seriously, this has gotten out of control. Peyton Manning, Kerry Collins, Jason Campbell, and now Jay Cutler have all fallen victim of the Camp Hope Curse.
Pick: Oedipus Rex Ryan.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 6-5, 7th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 4-7, 9th):
What Matt needs:
Some help from above. Specifically, he needs Derrek and me to take care of business against the six-win teams we play - Rabbit, Allen, and Babel - in the remaining weeks, so that he can slip ahead of them into the playoffs.
What Kevin needs:
A combination of what Pulley and Matt need. Kevin, thanks to his relatively high point total, has more hope for the playoffs than Adam. However, he will need to win twice and hope for a lot of help from those ahead of him.
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
Location Nouns (Rob, 6-5, 4th) vs. The Yips (Dave, 3-8, 12th):
What Rob needs:
To continue his resurgance. Rob has gone from an excellent outlook, to a bleak one, to a hopeful one. He's barely behind Rabbit as far as total points go, so a win this week would put him in great shape as far as making the playoffs goes.
What Dave needs:
A good plan for next year. Or maybe another yet-to-be-discovered Fultz brother to help him run his team?
Closing Thoughts
It took me over an hour to figure out the playoff scenarios listed above. It was awesome.
Also, every single six-win team controls its own destiny; two wins will guarantee any of them a playoff berth.
EWG