The Sanderson Gazette - 2011-11-30 - Shake It Up

Three of the six 6-6 teams played bottom-dwellers this week. Only one survived.

This crazy week was the seventh-highest scoring in Blingaleague history.

And now it's Rivalry Week.

Week Twelve Recap

Babel def. Allen, 124.60-112.12:

Wow! Both these guys needed this game. And both were at their best. Babel was up by over thirty points heading into the Monday night game and needed every one, as Drew Brees put up 40.95 for Allen. Babel was led by Vince Young's 24.00, Cedric Benson's 19.80, and Percy Harvin's 19.77.

Kevin def. Matt, 127.70-115.91:

Now this is a tough loss. Matt probably felt comfortable after three quarters of the Monday night game; he had needed Jimmy Graham to outscore Victor Cruz in said game to earn his crucial seventh victory. And with fifteen minutes to go, he was up by quite a bit, with the Saints TE having scored two touchdowns. But, it was not to be; Cruz scored two touchdowns of his own in the fourth, and outscored Graham 32.93-23.20, stealing Kevin the win.

Rabbit def. Ed, 118.49-96.23:

Rabbit's got back to his old ways, thanks to Tom Brady (31.85) and an all-around strong effort from everyone not named Mike Wallace (2.27). I didn't have a poor week, getting 25.70 from Eli Manning and 19.73 from Brandon Marshall, but I couldn't get over the hump. There's a decent chance we'll see this matchup again this year, as I've clinched a playoff berth and Rabbit is damn close.

Pat def. Mike, 116.01-80.64:

Note to Mike: if you want to win the Sanderson Cup, you can't lose to Pat in week twelve. Only ISU alum Laurent Robinson (22.53) did anything good for Mike, while Pat got strong weeks from Beanie Wells (26.80), Dustin Keller (20.13), and the Ravens defense (18.00). Mike's still alive for a playoff berth, but can't feel too good about his odds.

Rob def. Dave, 97.95-82.16:

Oh, Dave; two zero-point players (Ryan Torain and Devin Hester) are not going to help you play spoiler this year! Rob overcame his own zero (Jason Hanson), thanks to Aaron Rodgers (21.25) and Wes Welker (26.43).

Derrek def. Pulley, 97.79-78.77:

Pulley couldn't play spoiler either, thanks to - what else? a zero (Julio Jones). Derrek clinched a playoff berth despite barely avoiding a zero of his own (Sidney Rice, 0.30). Sebastian Janikowski (23.00) was huge for D.

Current Standings

  1. Ed, 8-4, 1216.93 (*)

  2. Derrek, 8-4, 1180.36 (*)

  3. Rabbit, 7-5, 1320.88

  4. Rob, 7-5, 1298.31

  5. Babel, 7-5, 1239.23

  6. Allen, 6-6, 1272.30

  7. Matt, 6-6, 1260.48

  8. Mike, 6-6, 1243.36

  9. Kevin, 5-7, 1237.20 (e)

  10. Pat, 5-7, 1060.02 (e)

  11. Pulley, 4-8, 1056.20 (e)

  12. Dave, 3-9, 1160.60 (e)

(*) Clinched a playoff berth

(e) Eliminated from playoff contention

"200 Points, Bitches"

Steelers defense:

Week Twelve: 13.00

Season-To-Date: 73.00 (6.08 per week played)

Points To Goal: 127.00 (127.00 per week)

(Included for completeness.)

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Kevin, needing to win to stay mathematically eligible for the playoffs, put up 127.70 points.

Slapped Heartbeat: Pulley is crawling to the finish line, folks. He only scored 78.77 this week (though that isn't bad as far as Slapped Heartbeats go).

Start of the Week: Vince Young over Alex Smith, by Mark D. Babel. Young scored 24.00 points, Smith scored -2.80.

Misplay of the Week: Allen had a really good week, but cost himself a victory by starting Steve Smith (9.97), Steven Jackson (8.27), and/or Willis McGahee (11.70) over Brandon Lloyd (15.87) and/or Pierre Thomas (18.57).

Weekly MVP: Victor Cruz's 32.93 points were vital for Kevin to earn the victory.

Weekly Dud: Trading for Vincent Jackson has been quite the roller coaster ride for me; he put up only 3.33 points this week, when I could have used every point I could scrape.

Pickup of the Week: See "Start of the Week". Vince Young saved Babel's season!

Playoff Scenarios

NOTE: Any clinching scenarios that involve total points scored as a tiebreaker have been omitted for space reasons. At least every person currently eligible for the playoffs would have at least one such scenario in play.

Ed has clinched a playoff berth.

Ed clinches a first-round bye with:

  • a win or tie.

Ed clinches the #1 overall seed with:

  • a win AND a Derrek loss or tie;

OR

  • a tie AND a Derrek loss.

Derrek has clinched a playoff berth.

Derrek clinches a first-round bye with:

  • a win or tie;

OR

  • a loss AND a Rabbit loss AND a Rob loss AND a Babel loss.

Derrek clinches the #1 overall seed with:

  • a win AND an Ed loss or tie;

OR

  • a tie AND an Ed loss.

Rabbit clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win or tie;

OR

  • a loss AND an Allen loss or tie;

OR

  • a loss AND a Matt/Mike tie.

(Rabbit remains eligible for both a first-round bye and the #1 overall seed.)

Rob clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win or tie;

OR

  • a loss AND an Allen loss or tie;

OR

  • a loss AND a Matt/Mike tie.

(Rob remains eligible for both a first-round bye and the #1 overall seed.)

Babel clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win or tie;

OR

  • a loss AND an Allen loss or tie;

OR

  • a loss AND a Matt/Mike tie.

(Babel remains eligible for both a first-round bye and the #1 overall seed.)

Allen clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win AND a Matt/Mike tie.

Matt clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win AND an Allen loss or tie;

OR

  • a tie AND an Allen loss.

Mike clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win AND an Allen loss or tie.

(Kevin, Pat, Pulley, and Dave have been eliminated from playoff contention.)

Week Thirteen Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

D's AutoPicks (Derrek, 8-4, 2nd) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 6-6, 6th):

  • Allen leads series, 4-3

Allen, who tied the Blingaleague record for most consecutive weeks in first place this season, now needs to win to even make the playoffs. Three straight losses will do that for you.

In his favor, he has Drew Brees going for him. And the Jets defense. He'd better pick out the right combination of RBs and WRs this week, though; he needs it.

On the other side, Derrek has vowed that Allen will not make the playoffs on his watch. This is what a rivalry is all about.

Pick: Optimus Prime.

Other Blingamatches

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 6-6, 7th) vs. Oedipus Rex Ryan (Mike, 6-6, 8th):

  • Series tied, 3-3

Simply devastated. That's what these two must feel like right now. Matt, because he had an all-but-clinching win in hand last week; Mike, because he once had a team that looked like a strong Sanderson Cup contender. Now, they both sit here, needing to win their rivalry matchup and to pass Allen while doing so. Not an easy feat.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

St. Olaf Real Stuff (Ed, 8-4, 1st) vs. Goulden Pink OBGYN's (Babel, 7-5, 5th):

  • Babel leads series, 5-2

Neither of us really needs this win, but boy, do we both want it. And the Timberwolves hat, for a change, is not the driving force behind that feeling. I'm in the playoffs for sure, but could really use a bye to improve my Blingabowl chances. Babel can get into the playoffs even if he loses, but really shouldn't take that chance.

Pick: Goulden Pink OBGYN's.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 4-8, 11th) vs. Location Nouns (Rob, 7-5, 4th):

  • Rob leads series, 4-3

Rob, like Babel and me, doesn't absolutely need to win. But he'd love to beat Pulley. And, thanks to his high point total, has a very real shot at a first-round bye. Pulley, meanwhile, could theoretically knock Rob out of the playoffs. Let the hatred commense!

Pick: Location Nouns.

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 7-5, 3rd) vs. Camp Hope (Pat, 5-7, 10th):

  • Rabbit leads series, 4-1

OK, so we all know this rivalry doesn't have the same history as the rest. And, it's been a bit one-sided. But neither Rabbit nor Pat will be happy losing this week. Rabs, should D and I both lose, could wind up in first place; that would make it the third straight year he enters the playoffs as the #1 seed. Pat could win his third game in a row, building a good start to next year.

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 5-7, 9th) vs. The Yips (Dave, 3-9. 12th):

  • Kevin leads series, 5-1

Nothing is at stake here except for the FIFA XBOX game.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Closing Thoughts

Five teams are still eligible for byes, and for the #1 overall seed. Eight teams are still eligible for the playoffs. This season has been awesome.

I also finally added an automatic calculation for everyone's record against everyone else (as seen in the game previews) to my Excel spreadsheet. There is a lot of potential here. For example, Dave has never beaten Babel (0-4) or me (0-5), but has a winning record against Pat (3-0, Pulley (3-2), and Rob (3-2). Rabbit only has a losing record against Rob (2-3). Kevin has never beaten Derrek (0-4) or Pat (0-3).

Eddo