Some things are the same as usual. For the second-straight year, Rabbit and I earn the two byes (it's the third-straight bye for Rabs, actually). Derrek, Rob, and Allen all made the playoffs, the third time in four years for each.

There are some Blingaleague firsts, though. For the first year ever, we have no team with ten or more wins. And, for the first year ever, an above-.500 team (Babel) will be watching the playoffs from home (his rooftop jacuzzi, perhaps?).

Week Thirteen Recap

Allen def. Derrek, 98.44-90.50:

Allen got off to a quick start on Thursday night, thanks to Marshawn Lynch (26.80). Derrek surged ahead after the early Sunday games, though, behind a superb day from Rashard Mendenhall (18.00) and the Steelers defense's best day of the year (19.00). Allen surged into the lead for good on Sunday night, as Drew Brees put up 27.10 points against the Lions. Philip Rivers (26.70) made it close on Monday, but it was not enough to keep Allen from one of the bigger seasonal collapses in Blingaleague history.

Ed def. Babel, 110.82-92.13:

I have now taken two straight from Mark, after failing to defeat him the first five times we met in the regular season. Percy Harvin (34.70) and Tony Gonzalez (13.33) were the two bright spots for Babel, while I got nice games from Eli Manning (24.35), Roy Helu (19.60), and Ryan Mathews (17.47).

Matt def. Mike, 108.30-94.37:

Matt needed Maurice Jones-Drew (27.83) to outscore Nick Novak (8.00) by six points on Monday night in order to make the playoffs; he got it, and then some. Also set up nicely by Matthew Stafford's 19.40 and Dez Bryant's 17.47, Matt was able to overcome 23.73 from Hakeem Nicks.

Pulley def. Rob, 126.25-122.01:

Pulley salvaged his season by squeezing out a win in the Clash of Hatred. Shonn Greene (30.27) had a huge game, and even C.J. Spiller (16.83) got in on the act. Rob got his usual big games from Aaron Rodgers (33.65) and Rob Gronkowski (26.73), but it wasn't quite enough.

Rabbit def. Pat, 126.85-82.66:

Ho hum, Rabs easily defeated Pat. Despite -3.00 from the Raiders defense, at that. (It helped that Pat had three zeroes: Matt Leinart (come on, Pat), Jabar Gaffney, and Mike Nugent).

Kevin def. Dave, 115.77-99.63:

For the sixth time in seven tries, Kevin won the FIFA Whatever XBOX game from Dave. This game didn't mean anything, but at least it has a rivalry trophy.

Final Regular-Season Standings

1. Ed, 9-4, 1327.75 (b)

2. Rabbit, 8-5, 1447.73 (b)

3. Derrek, 8-5, 1270.86 (*)

4. Rob, 7-6, 1420.32 (*)

5. Allen, 7-6, 1370.74 (*)

6. Matt, 7-6, 1368.78 (*)

7. Babel, 7-6, 1331.36

8. Kevin, 6-7, 1352.97

9. Mike, 6-7, 1337.73

10. Pulley, 5-8, 1182.45

11. Pat, 5-8, 1142.68

12. Dave, 3-10, 1260.23

"200 Points, Bitches"

Steelers defense:

Week Twelve: 19.00

Season-To-Date: 92.00

In the words of the Bluth Family: "Mission Accomplished".

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Rabs picks up his second Team Blangums of the season, after six last year. He scored 126.85 points this week.

Slapped Heartbeat: Going up against Rabs, Pat only managed 82.66 points.

Start of the Week: I guess that no one gets this. Pulley and Allen won close games, but no one player really made much of a difference.

Misplay of the Week: Rob played LeGarrette Blount (1.90) over Mike Tolbert (8.40). That cost him a win, right there.

Weekly MVP: How about Marshawn Lynch's 26.80 for Allen? That wound up being vital to his making the playoffs.

Weekly Dud: Early Doucet scored 0.00 for Derrek. Ouch.

Pickup of the Week: Pulley added C.J. Spiller, and suprisingly, was rewarded with 16.83 points.

Quarterfinals Preview

D's AutoPicks (Derrek, 8-5, 3rd) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 7-6, 6th):

Derrek very nearly snagged a first-round bye. Coming up just short, he faces Matt's team, which is playing better than it has all year.

Matt has been getting great production out of fifth overall pick Maurice Jones-Drew, and that figures to continue this week (vs. TAM). Add in Matthew Stafford's juicy matchup against the Vikings, and Matt looks to be in good shape.

Derrek has to hope Philip Rivers (vs. BUF) continues the success he found on Monday night. Rashard Mendenhall also looks promising, going up against a Browns defense that allowed Ray Rice to do whatever he wanted last week.

Derrek's team has the better seed, but Matt's looks stronger. Pick: Harrison Hammers.

Location Nouns (Rob, 7-6, 4th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 7-6, 5th):

Both these guys spent time in first place this year. And yet, both had nothing sewn up until the final week of the year.

Rob started off extremely hot, winning three of his first four without scoring less than 109.31 points. But then, he lost four in a row, not breaking 100 in the process. He ended the season winning four of five, only losing a tough one to Pulley in the Clash of Hatred.

Allen was in first place from week six through week ten, but then proceeded to lose three games in a row. A fourth-straight defeat would have left him out of the playoffs; luckily, he had a good week thirteen, so here we are.

This quarterfinal has all the makings of a classic. Two great QBs (Rodgers vs. Brees). A bunch of WRs and RBs that could explode. And two guys who are no stranger to close playoff losses.

Weirdly, for the first time all year, I actually trust Allen's RBs more than his opponent's. Pick: Optimus Prime.

Season Postmortems

Mark Babel (Goulden Pink OBGYN's, 7-6, 7th):

I'm afraid I might have given Babel the kiss of death, when I called him a potential Sanderson Cup favorite. He didn't like his first-round pick, but Calvin Johnson carried him for the first part of the year. Michael Vick was pretty solid until his injury, and then Vince Young filled in OK. Percy Harvin proved to be the right keeper, my opinion be damned.

Kevin Pattermann (The Chocolate Donuts, 6-7, 8th):

Consistency; Kevin doesn't has it. Kevin had more Team Blangums awards than anyone this year, with three, but was eliminated from playoff contention after week twelve. Chris Johnson was actually a great representative of Kev's season: mostly dull, capable of huge weeks, and finally turned it on for good too late. LeSean McCoy, on the other hand, was just awesome all year, and Victor Cruz was a great waiver pickup.

Mike Romor (Oedipus Rex Ryan, 6-7, 9th):

Mike started 1-3, but pulled himself together enough to, like Babel, get my ringing endorsement as a team to be reckoned with. Then, his two stud RBs (Adrian Peterson and Fred Jackson) got hurt; as a result, he lost four of his last five games, and wound up missing the playoffs yet again. I wouldn't have thought this, but Mike has not made the playoffs since the Blingaleague took its current form (he did make it in 2007, though).

Adam Pulley (Pullman's MondoSquad, 5-8, 10th):

Pulley was never really in playoff contention this year. First-round pick Frank Gore was pretty strong all year, but the rest of his team was all over the place. Matt Ryan alternated good weeks with crappy ones. Ditto for Shonn Greene. Julio Jones was hurt quite a bit. Reggie Bush was a great surprise, but not enough to overcome the MondoSquad's multiple flaws. At least he won the Clash of Hatred.

Pat Gawne (Camp Hope, 5-8, 11th):

Peyton Manning. Kerry Collins. Matt Hasselbeck. Jason Campbell. Jay Cutler. Matt Leinart. All were QBs Pat started this year. All promptly got injured. Ray Rice was his usual self (though Pat will finally lose his services this offseason) and Beanie Wells had some nice huge games. Ultimately, Andre Johnson's injury issues were what wound up killing Pat's season for good.

Dave Fultz (The Yips, 3-10, 12th):

We all give Dave a lot of shit, but he hadn't finished in last since 2007. And we don't count that year. This year, though, he wound up solidly in the cellar. Doe this mean two Fultzes are not better than one? Cam Newton had an awesome year for Dave, and has some tremendous keeper value. Otherwise, this was a standard year; he started the wrong players consistently, forgot to make a lineup change once, and just overall failed to compete regularly. There's always next year.

Closing Thoughts

This past week was the sixth-highest-scoring in Blingaleague history.

For as competitive as we all are as a league, looking just at who has made the playoffs would not make you think so. I've made the playoffs all four official years. Rabbit, Derrek, Allen, and Rob have all made it three times. Babel, Pulley, Matt, and Kevin have made it twice each. And yet, Mike, Pat, and Dave have never done so.

Also, to Babel, Pulley, D, and Allen: happy ninth anniversay of I-day. I love Theta Xi.

Eddo

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