Less than twelve hours until kickoff, gentelmen...

Trade Summary

The following trade was made between Matt and Rob:

Matt receives: Roy Helu (RB, Redskins) and Kenny Britt (WR, Titans)

Rob receives: Rashad Jennings (RB, Jaguars) and Titus Young (WR, Lions)

Game of the Blingaweek

Harrison Hammers (Matt) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 5-2.

A rematch of last year's Blingabowl, hmm... almost seems like someone set up the Blingaleague's fifth season to start this way on purpose.

Rabs will be looking to snag the Sanderson Cup for the third straight year, and while I'm certainly not going to doubt his team, it doesn't seem quite as strong as years past. Arian Foster, A.J. Green, and Roddy White form a dynamic trio, but his first-round pick, Maurice Jones-Drew, hasn't carried a football against a hostile defense since last season. But that's certainly not a sure sign of doom; after all, Rabbit got a whopping zero points from Arian Foster in week one last year.

Matt had the top draft, according to Yahoo. Which means nothing. His team looks good, albeit quite reliant on Peyton Manning (Eric Decker is starting). He, too, has an early-round RB on his bench (Trent Richardson). He also has two RBs coming off injuries, Jamaal Charles and DeMarco Murray.

Despite some flaws, though, this is a great way to start season five.

Pick: Arian Foster is enough to overcome Tony Romo's primetime meltdown potential, and Pralines & Dick defeats Harrison Hammers for the second straight time.

Other Blingamatches

Fultzyboys (Dave) vs. Artifish InteliGents (Babel):

Babel leads all-time series, 4-0.

The headline of this game has to be Cam Newton vs. Michael Vick. Dave hopes Cam Newton doesn't hit a sophomore slump, and Babel hopes Vick returns to 2010 form. It's not hard to envision either guy being completely satisfied or crushingly disappointed. So let's look at the rest of the rosters: Dave sends out Marques Colston, Matt Forte, and Darren Sproles - who are guaranteed to get their touches - along with Vincent and DeSean Jackson - who are not. Babel has the man, the myth, the Megatron, Calvin Johnson. And also some plain old between-the-tackles RBs, Michael Turner, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, and Shonn Greene.

Pick: I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm going to go with Fultzyboys to get Dave his first ever win against Babel. However, I do think Fultzyboys is a silly team name.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek):

Derrek leads all-time series, 4-2.

This looks like a battle of old-school ground-and-pound vs. a high-flying passing game. Derrek trots out Adrian Peterson and Darren McFadden, while playing the projected-to-be-strong Houston defense and the questionable Alex Smith at QB. Pulley, on the other hand, has Mike Wallace, Julio Jones, and Antonio Brown at WR, with Matthew Stafford flinging the ball around, and the Saints shaky defense starting. Is my pick a referendum on my football preference? Hell no.

Pick: Stafford has a great matchup against the Rams, and he'll lead Pullman's MondoSquad to victory.

Bernard's Bullies (Mike R) vs. Camp Hope (Pat):

All-time series tied, 2-2.

These were the two teams most affected by injuries last year, so perhaps previewing them is futile. Ah well. Mike/Bernard has the trendy Matt Ryan at QB, along with Chris Johnson and Fred Jackson providing a solid backfield. Pat's got Jay Cutler, Ray Rice, and Reggie Bush in those positions, which seems a bit less promising. Both have decent receivers going for them (Demaryius, Jordy, and Torrey for Mike; Hakeem, Anquan, and Sidney for Pat).

Pick: The QB decides it - Bernard's Bullies.

Half of a Horse (Ed) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen):

Ed leads all-time series, 4-1.

(Preview provided by Dr. Allen Clark)

Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. [...snipped for space reasons...] Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed. Eat a dick, Ed..

Pick: I will do no such thing, and Half of a Horse will win.

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz):

All-time series tied, 0-0.

Schertz's inaugural Blingamatch pits him against a team with a strong passing game (Tom Brady, Steve Smith, Victor Cruz) and a couple of backups starting at RB (Michael Bush, Peyton Hillis). Mike/Juju has a much better looking backfield (LeSean McCoy, Doug Martin), but an iffy WR corp (Jeremy Maclin, Justin Blackmon, Robert Turbin). Kind of a tossup.

Pick: The expansion schertzopotamus starts off 1-0.

DICK ARMOUR (Richie) vs. Location Nouns (Rob):

All-time series tied, 0-0.

Last but not least, we have Richie's first official Blingamatch. His biggest question mark is whether or not Miles Austin will give him any production tomorrow night, but it's not like the rest of his team is rock-solid. Rather, Richie has some hard-to-predict players at QB (Philip Rivers), WR (Andre Johnson), and RB (Ahmad Bradshaw, Donald Brown). Opposing him, Rob has two of the surest things there are in Aaron Rodgers and Rob Gronkowski, but is a mess everywhere else. He's currently set to start Kendall Wright at WR and Ben Tate at RB, and --empty-- at his flex. Uh oh.

Pick: Rob fills out his lineup, but DICK ARMOUR still takes the game.

Closing Thoughts

That's it, no awards this week. Make sure you check your lineups before tomorrow night's game, and enjoy the best time of the year!

Ed

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