The Sanderson Gazette - 2012-10-17 - Stuff Your Sorries in a Sack
"You should add a new award: 'Apology of the Week', where you have to say you're sorry to someone you picked against" - Allen Clark.
Week Six Recap
Allen def. Kevin, 89.04-81.48:
In a game that prompted the above suggestion, Allen pulls up into sixth place at 3-3. Wes Welker (24.40) led the way for Dr. Clark. Kevin also sits at 3-3, with only Tom Brady (22.75) meeting expectations.
Derrek def. Matt, 111.83-104.58:
These guys are even now, too, though Matt made it close thanks to Peyton Manning (25.25) and Eric Decker (19.07) on Monday night. Derrek got big games from Dez Bryant (24.67), Larry Fitzgerald (18.40), and Percy Harvin (17.83), which offset Alex Smith's (0.50) awful day.
Rabbit def. Mike R., 128.78-99.88:
And our first 6-0 team ever is... Rabs! And in convincing fashion, too. A.J. Green scored an even 30.00 points, and only Fred Davis (6.13) and the Steelers defense (4.00) put up less than ten for Rabbit. Mike R. got 34.13 from Jordy Nelson, but not too much else.
Schertz def. Rob, 126.70-109.33:
JuJu gets his first win! RGIII scored 35.90 for Mike S., and Jeremy Maclin added 23.33. Rob - who also gave Richie his first Blingaleague win - got 40.60 from Aaron Rodgers, but less than ten points from six of his nine starters.
Pat def. Richie, 105.34-76.03:
Ray Rice showed why he was the first overall pick, scoring 24.03 points for Mr. Gawne. Pat also got 17.00 from the Tampa Bay defense and 16.80 from Sidney Rice. Richie suffered through a big fat zero from Brian Hartline and only 4.10 from Philip Rivers.
Dave def. Ed, 92.97-76.81:
Another upset here, as Dave rode his Tampa Bay receivers - Mike Williams (21.07) and Vincent Jackson (20.80) to victory. I showed that having to play Eddie Royal (2.93) and Brandon Bolden (2.80) can be quite detrimental to success.
Babel def. Pulley, 125.19-94.25:
Shonn Greene, come on down! You're the next contestant on Surprises of the Week! Babel rode Greene (34.10) to victory, with Antonio Gates (22.80) and Michael Vick (22.45) also putting up big numbers. Pulley got 24.25 from first-round pick Matthew Stafford, but was undone by poor RB play: Stevan Ridley (3.40) and Rashard Mendenhall (2.07) combined for less than six points.
Current Standings
Rabbit, 6-0, 698.83
Mike R., 5-1, 687.99
Matt, 4-2, 682.49
Ed, 4-2, 651.12
Derrek, 4-2, 592.50
Allen, 3-3, 626.99
Kevin, 3-3, 570.02
Pat, 3-3, 550.85
Dave, 3-3, 534.30
Babel, 2-4, 578.23
Rob, 2-4, 568.05
Pulley, 1-5, 563.45
Richie, 1-5, 503.63
Schertz, 1-5, 476.04
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Rabs is no stranger to this award historically, but his 128.78 gives it to him for the first time this season.
Slapped Heartbeat: This was up for grabs until Philip Rivers's sack-fumble on the final play of the week, with Richie's 76.03 barely edging out my 76.81.
Pickup of the Week: How about the Tampa Bay defense, which scored 17.00 points for Pat?
Start of the Week: Dave chose to play Mike Williams as his flex and was rewarded with 21.07 points.
Week Seven Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 4-2, 3rd) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 3-3, 6th):
All-time series tied, 2-2.
How's Matt doing? Up until this week, quite well. Following his loss to D, though, the tide has turned a bit, with DeMarco Murray and Trent Richardson with injury questions, and Jamaal Charles on bye. And now he's facing Allen, whose team isn't half bad.
Outlook? Still in contention, but less confident.
How's Allen doing? He's had some great weeks and some poor ones, which is why he's 3-3, but slotted into the final playoff spot as of today. And he managed a win when his clear best player, Drew Brees, was on his bye. His team doesn't appear too imposing, though, particularly because he has almost no depth.
Outlook? Should be in the playoff mix, but will need to make some effort.
Pick: Optimus Prime.
Other Blingamatches
D's Nuts (Derrek, 4-2, 5th) vs. Our Doug is a white (Pat, 3-3, 8th):
Derrek leads all-time series, 2-1.
How's Derrek doing? As usual, well. Like clockwork, D puts together teams that hover near the top of the standings. This year, it's due to having top-line WRs, as Larry Fitzgerald, Percy Harvin, and Dez Bryant make up one of the most impressive corps in the league.
Outlook? Don't bet against the playoffs.
How's Pat doing? Um, is "the best he's ever done" a legitimate answer? Ray Rice has been a stud, as expected, and Reggie Bush and Anquan Boldin have outperformed expectations.
Outlook? If his QBs (Cutler and Schaub) start producing, he'll play past week thirteen for the first time.
Pick: Our Doug is a white.
DumbFace 4 President (Dave, 3-3, 9th) vs. Bernard's Bullies (Mike R., 5-1, 2nd):
All-time series tied, 2-2.
How's Dave doing? Meh. He's last in points among the .500 teams, and has a team of underperforming guys. Cam Newton and Darren Sproles are not what the Fultz brothers envisioned as keepers, and even his best players - Matt Forte and C.J. Spiller - have battled injuries.
Outlook? Another season, another playoffs spent watching.
How's Mike R. doing? Like Matt, he looked a lot better seven days ago. This week, in particular, is rough for Bernie. His three most reliable players - Matt Ryan, Demaryius Thomas, and Tony Gonzalez - are all on bye. But even if he loses, he can't slip out of the top six.
Outlook? Would take a crazy collapse to miss the playoffs, and really should get a first-round bye.
Pick: Dumbface 4 President.
Location Nouns (Rob, 2-4, 11th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 6-0, 1st):
All-time series tied, 3-3.
How's Rob doing? Compared to his usual standards, pathetically. He's been the victim of Richie and Schertz's lone wins, and is at a point where he might have to resort to acquiring a good-looking keeper or two. Can he salvage a bit of pride by handing Rabs his first loss this week?
Outlook? No. And the playoffs appear to be an unattainable goal.
How's Rabbit doing? Rabs puts us all to shame.
Outlook? The playoffs are a close to a sure thing as there is. Anything less than a third-straight championship has to be considered a disappointment.
Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 1-5, 12th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 3-3, 7th):
Pulley leads all-time series, 4-2.
How's Pulley doing? Worse than Rob. And to him, that has to sting. His Steeler WRs and Rob Bironas have been fine, but almost every other position has been sub-par. He does have some decent keeper options, or so it seems.
Outlook? He'll be reduced to a spoiler role, I fear.
How's Kevin doing? He's OK. He's right in the playoff mix, thanks to his 2-0 start, but surely would feel better had he pulled out a win against Allen last week. Tom Brady and Victor Cruz have been great, but Kev's RBs are rather bad.
Outlook? He'll fight for a playoff spot, but his odds are particularly impressive.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Half of a Horse (Ed, 4-2, 4th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 1-5, 14th):
All-time series tied, 0-0.
How's Ed doing? I'm fine, thanks for asking. While my team shouldn't strike fear in others, there's not really a big weakness anywhere (especially now that my worst bye weeks have come and gone). I'd put my WRs up against anyone else's.
Outlook? A good shot at extending my four-year playoff streak.
How's Schertz doing? Oh, Michael. You were at a disadvantage, having no keepers, so you took some high-risk, high-reward chances in the draft. One (RGIII) paid off huge, but at the one position you had a solid alternative (Eli Manning). That said, your situation for next year looks a bit more promising.
Outlook? The shining example of playing for next year.
Pick: Half of a Horse.
DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 1-5, 13th) vs. Artifish Inteligents (Babel, 2-4, 10th):
All-time series tied, 0-0.
How's Richie doing? He's in the same boat as his fellow expansion team. He started 1-0, but has lost five straight. Ahmad Bradshaw's doing well, but a lot of his guys have been hit-or-miss - the main culprits being Philip Rivers and Andre Johnson. His team, it is not strong.
Outlook? Should start looking for keepers.
How's Babel doing? He salvaged some hope thanks to beating Pulley last week, so he can focus on strenghtening his team this year. Michael Vick's been a much better fantasy QB than a real one, but that's fine for Mark. Calvin Johnson's put up yardage, but few touchdowns, so that has to be a tad disappointing. And his three-headed RB monster has just been OK.
Outlook? It would be a uphill battle, but there's no reason Babel can't go on a run.
Pick: DICK ARMOUR.
Sunday Huddle
This past Sunday Huddle was fun, even though only Rob represented the Blingaleague. I will be happy to have people over again this Sunday.
Closing Thoughts
Week six was the thirteenth-highest scoring all time (by average score), and the highest this season. Well done, guys.
Eddo