The Sanderson Gazette - 2012-11-14 - Reliably Unreliable
Leave it to the Blingaleague to constantly throw some new things our way.
Week Ten Recap
Rabbit def. Babel, 100.18-99.43:
The eighth-closest game in Blingaleague history had equal helpings of controversy and drama. Babel was hit hard by Yahoo's technical issues, and it cost him over eleven points (Carson Palmer's 19.40 over Michael Vick's 8.20). But even with that, Rabs needed overtime in the Monday night game for the Steelers to get an interception to push him to victory.
Derrek def. Richie, 108.23-105.32:
Richie came oh-so-close to ending his eight-game losing streak, but Derrek won thanks to big days from Adrian Peterson (25.77), Danny Woodhead (19.63), and the Houston defense (15.00). Richie's 23.35 from Philip Rivers and 23.00 from the Tennessee defense go for naught, and he falls to 1-9.
Allen def. Schertz, 92.83-88.85:
Each of these two guys played someone on Green Bay. Green Bay had a bye this week. Oof. Marshawn Lynch's and Cecil Shorts's 20.00-point games offset each other, and Allen kept his playoff hopes alive.
Dave def. Pulley, 91.43-74.58:
Speaking of playoff hopes, the Fultzes' are higher than ever before. The Denver defense scored 28.00 points, leading the charge over Pulley. Blaine Gabbert's 6.45 points were a good symbol for Adam's week.
Mike R. def. Rob, 169.56-109.34:
Rob had the second-highest score this week, and lost by over sixty points. Through ten weeks, Mike now has the most points in league history, just edging Rabbit's 2010 squad. And this week's score was the second-highest of all time, and that was without any thirty-point scorers (Matt Ryan came closest, with 29.75).
Matt def. Ed, 99.63-68.38:
Jimmy Graham (31.47) was almost literally the difference in this game. At least I did better than Matt betting on games.
Pat def. Kevin, 76.97-43.52:
Both Pat and Kev are technically still alive for the playoffs, even though now both Richie and Schertz have passed them in total points.
Current Standings
Mike R., 9-1, 1225.56 (*)
Rabbit, 9-1, 1097.83 (*)
Matt, 8-2, 1120.85 (*)
Ed, 7-3, 1036.27
Derrek, 7-3, 990.20
Dave, 6-4, 951.65
Allen, 4-6, 988.51
Babel, 4-6, 925.93
Pulley, 4-6, 918.06
Pat, 4-6, 820.08
Kevin, 3-7, 818.15
Rob, 2-8, 978.15 (e)
Schertz, 2-8, 844.65 (e)
Richie, 1-9, 847.37 (e)
(*) Clinched playoff berth
(e) Eliminated from playoff contention
Playoff Scenarios
Mike R. has clinched a playoff berth.
Rabbit has clinched a playoff berth.
Matt has clinched a playoff berth.
Ed clinches a playoff berth with:
a win or tie
OR
a loss AND an Allen loss or tie AND a Babel loss or tie AND a Pulley loss or tie AND a Pat loss or tie.
Derrek clinches a playoff berth with:
a win or tie
OR
a loss AND an Allen loss or tie AND a Babel loss or tie AND a Pulley loss or tie AND a Pat loss or tie.
Dave clinches a playoff berth with:
a win AND a Babel loss AND a Pulley loss AND a Pat loss.
(Rob, Schertz, and Richie have been elimated from playoff contention.)
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Half of the Team Blangums awards have gone to Mike R. this season. This week, his 169.56 is the second-highest score ever.
Slapped Heartbeat: For the second-straight week, Kevin had his heartbeat slapped. His 43.52 is the fifth-lowest score ever.
Start of the Week: Derrek played Danny Woodhead (25.77) over Ronnie Brown (2.60), and was rewarded handsomely.
Misplays of the Week: Richie could have played Darrius Heyward-Bey (16.53) over Brian Hartline (10.53) and earned a win. Instead, he lost a close one. Schertz could have played Golden Tate (17.95) over Danny Amendola (13.60). Instead, he lost a close one.
Week Eleven Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
DumbFace 4 President (Dave, 6-4, 6th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 4-6, 7th):
Allen leads all-time series, 3-2.
While he technically needs more help, a Dave win in this game would effectively clinch a playoff spot. A loss would make him sweat, as Allen (and perhaps others) would pull to only one game behind with two to play.
Dave hasn't been perfect this year - he did trade Marques Colston for Andre Brown and Martellus Bennett earlier this year - but he is two games up with three to play. And that cannot be underplayed.
And it just wouldn't be a Blingaseason without some weirdness surrounding Allen. He's currently fourth in points, but has only four wins. And he did manage to play someone on their bye week so far.
Pick: Optimus Prime.
Other Blingamatches
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 4-6, 9th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 9-1, 2nd):
All-time series tied, 2-2.
It's amazing that Rabs's 9-1 record - better than any we've had at this point in previous years - is not good for first place. But it's not amazing that he's in position for his fourth-straight first-round bye. Pulley's had an uneven season, at times looking like a contender, and at times looking like one of the worst teams in the league. Can he pull a big upset to keep his playoff hopes alive?
Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Location Nouns (Rob, 2-8, 12th) vs. Artifish Inteligents (Babel, 4-6, 8th):
Babel leads all-time series, 3-2.
Babel needs to bounce back from an incredibly tough loss to stay in playoff contention. Rob's been eliminated and has acquired enough marginal keepers lately to make his team relevant only as a spoiler.
Pick: Artifish Inteligents.
DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 1-9, 14th) vs. Bernard's Bullies (Mike R., 9-1, 1st):
All-time series tied, 0-0.
Just when it looks like we can start discussing Mike's potential to be the best Blingaleague team ever, he's forced to play without his top two RBs (Chris Johnson's on bye, Fred Jackson's hurt). Luckily, he's playing Richie.
Pick: Bernard's Bullies.
D's Nuts (Derrek, 7-3, 5th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 2-8, 13th):
All-time series tied, 0-0.
At this time last year, only one team had seven wins. This year, Derrek's seven wins are good for fifth place. He only needs one more to lock up a playoff spot. Can he get it against Schertz? Or will JuJu spring the upset and possibly add to Rob's humiliation by passing him in the standings?
Pick: schertzopotamus.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 8-2, 3rd) vs. Our Doug is a white (Pat, 4-6, 10th):
Pat leads all-time series, 3-1.
Matt's made two Blingabowls in four years, so I have to wonder just how in the world he's lost three games to Pat in that span. Will Mr. Gawne make it four of five?
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 3-7, 11th) vs. Half of a Horse (Ed, 7-3, 4th):
Ed leads all-time series, 4-3.
Kevin's season has really gone down the drain. Meanwhile, through ten weeks, I've scored more points than the past two years. I earned byes both those times, but should I lose here, I could find myself in fifth. What an odd year.
Pick: Half of a Horse.
Sunday Huddle
Nothing planned, but anyone and everyone is invited to my house this Sunday for as much football as you'd care to watch.
Closing Thoughts
The trade deadline is this Friday.
Eddo