The Sanderson Gazette - 2012-11-21 - Two by Two
If things had broken correctly in week eleven, we could have had all six playoff teams locked in as of now. As it stands, there are still two spots open, and two weeks left.
Week Eleven Recap
Allen def. Dave, 101.69-83.43:
Allen prevented Dave from clinching a playoff spot - and moved himself into better position - with this solid win. Drew Brees (22.95) and the Green Bay defense (20.00) led the way for Allen, while Dave got a big game from Vincent Jackson (20.53).
Babel def. 108.97-103.04:
Babel kept his own playoff hopes alive with this win, which really is just gravy on top of the rest of his week (more on that later). Calvin Johnson had a big 23.07 for Mark, while Rob Gronkowski's 30.27 went to waste for the younger Gross brother.
Ed def. Kevin, 78.27-75.04:
Brandon Marshall's 8.80 were the only good to come out of the Bears' horsecrap showing on Monday night, as they locked up a playoff spot for me. Marcel Reece led all scorers in this game, with 22.30 points for Ed. Kevin got a nice 14.30 from Jonathan Stewart, but not too much else.
Mike R. def. Richie, 51.78-40.39:
In the words of one Matthew D. Harrison, "Mike got lucky". Our current first-place team's score would have only won 2.4% of all games, and it just so happened one of those was this week. The high scorer for this entire game was Demaryius Thomas (11.60), and the two defenses combined for -9.00 (Indianapolis, -7.00; Chicago, -2.00).
Matt def. Pat, 155.23-30.13:
Matt's score would have lost only 1.2% of all games ever, and this was not one of those weeks. Andre Johnson put up 42.40 for Matt, while Matt Schaub scored 40.35 for Pat... on his bench. Jay Cutler, Hakeem Nicks, and Blair Walsh all did not play this week for Pat, who apparently did not think to check his lineup prior to Sunday.
Rabb def. Pulley, 151.12-67.67:
Rabbit's low scorer was Arian Foster, with 7.70; his week eleven was nearly as impressive as Mike R.'s week ten, just scaled down ever so slightly. Pulley's loss - led by Dwayne Bowe's zero - effective ends his playoff hopes.
Schertz def. Derrek, 100.04-59.05:
Schertz's very nice week keeps D from clinching a spot. Robert Griffin III had an excellent 32.40 for Mike. Derrek got 25.33 from Dez Bryant, but got less than two points from four of his nine starters.
Current Standings
Mike R., 10-1, 1277.34 (*)
Rabbit, 10-1, 1248.95 (*)
Matt, 9-2, 1276.08 (*)
Ed, 8-3, 1114.54 (*)
Derrek, 7-4, 1049.25
Dave, 6-5, 1035.08
Allen, 5-6, 1090.20
Babel, 5-6, 1034.90
Pulley, 4-7, 985.73
Pat, 4-7, 850.21
Schertz, 3-8, 945.69 (e)
Kevin, 3-8, 893.19 (e)
Rob, 2-9, 1081.79 (e)
Richie, 1-10, 887.76 (e)
(*) Clinched playoff berth
(e) Eliminated from playoff contention
Playoff Scenarios
Mike R. has clinched a playoff berth, his first ever.
Rabbit has clinched a playoff berth, his fourth straight.
Matt has clinched a playoff berth, his third all-time.
Ed has clinched a playoff berth, his fifth straight.
Derrek clinches a playoff berth with:
a win or tie
OR
an Allen loss or tie AND a Babel loss or tie.
Dave clinches a playoff berth with:
a win AND an Allen loss or tie AND a Babel loss or tie
OR
a tie AND an Allen loss AND a Babel loss.
(Schertz, Kevin, Rob, and Richie have been elimated from playoff contention.)
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Matt's 155.23 is the tenth-highest score ever. (As an honorable mention, Rabbit's 151.12 is the thirteenth-highest score ever.)
Slapped Heartbeat: Pat's 30.13 is the lowest in Blingaleague history. (As dishonorable mentions, Richie's 40.39 would have been the lowest score in league history (and is now the second-lowest ever) and Mike R.'s 51.78 is the lowest winning score of all time and the 21st-lowest ever.)
Start of the Week: Marcel Reece scored 22.30 for me, which was easily the difference between a win and a loss.
Misplay of the Week: Rob could have played Andy Dalton's 24.80 points, but instead took Matthew Stafford's 7.50, and lost by 5.93 to Babel.
Week Twelve Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 10-1, 2nd) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 7-4, 5th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 4-2.
Derrek is attempting to make the playoffs for the fourth straight season, joining just Rabbit and me in that distinction. He just needs to win, though some other results could still get him there with a loss.
D might be getting Alex Smith back this week, but even if not, he did smartly pick up Colin Kaepernick as a replacement (no more relying on Christian Ponder). He gets his other Vikings - Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin - back, though they face a difficult matchup in Chicago. And he'll need all the points he can get against Rabbit.
Rabs had a huge week last week - any time Arian Foster is your worst player, you're in good shape. Check out the score between these two after Thursday - Rabs has Tom Brady and Arian Foster going on Thanksgiving, while D has Dez Bryant, Owen Daniels, Dan Bailey, and the Houston defense. If D's not up at that point, it might be all over for him.
Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Other Blingamatches
Half of a Horse (Ed, 8-3, 4th) vs. Bernard's Bullies (Mike R., 10-1, 1st):
Ed leads all-time series, 4-0.
Not too much is at stake here, outside of playoff seeding. And ever there, while Mike is certainly in the mix for a bye, I'm pretty much locked into the fourth seed. And if Mike's going to break his four-game losing streak against yours truly, this is certainly the year to do so.
Pick: Bernard's Bullies.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 9-2, 3rd) vs. DumbFace 4 President (Dave, 6-5, 6th):
Matt leads all-time series, 3-1.
At 9-2 and just barely off the overall points lead, Matt is ready to move into bye position should Mike R. or Rabbit falter. Meanwhile, Dave is not yet in a position where one win clinches a spot. In fact, if he loses here, he's leaving the door wide open for Allen and Babel to slide in ahead of him.
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 1-10, 14th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 5-6, 7th):
All-time series tied, 0-0.
If Allen loses this game, it's unlikely he'll make the playoffs. And if Allen loses this game, he certainly doesn't deserve to make the playoffs.
Pick: Optimus Prime.
Artifish Inteligents (Babel, 5-6, 8th) vs. Our Doug is a white (Pat, 4-7, 10th):
Pat leads all-time series, 2-1.
In order to pass both Allen and Dave for the final playoff spot, Babel really needs to win out. This week looks promising, as Pat's team has really fallen apart. On the plus side, he's already pulled Cutler out of his lineup for Sunday.
Pick: Artifish Inteligents.
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 4-7, 9th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 3-8, 11th):
All-time series tied, 0-0.
Pulley can still technically make the playoffs, but for all intents and purposes, he's out. Schertz has fulfilled his goal of passing Rob in the standings, which Pulley can certainly appreciate. And Schertz is a respectable 3-3 since his 0-5 start, with a couple of excellent keepers in RGIII and Doug Martin.
Pick: schertzopotamus.
Location Nouns (Rob, 2-9, 13th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 3-8, 12th):
Rob leads all-time series, 5-1.
These two enter this game on a combined fourteen-game losing streak. Upon closer inspection, Rob might not be that bad - he's actually sixth in points, and has scored over 100 in six of the losses in his streak. Kevin, however, has put together quite a stinker of a team.
Sunday Huddle
I'll be at the Bears game this Sunday, so unfortunately, I won't be hosting any huddle activities.
Closing Thoughts
Congratulations to Mark and Jackie Babel, who welcomed Gabriella Michelle and Josephine Hannah into their family this past Friday! Mother and babies are doing well.
And Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and your families.
Eddo