The Sanderson Gazette - 2013-09-11 - Well, That Was a Freebie
Rob: Tonight I'm going to drink beer and read some Song of Fire and Ice. Why? Because I'm an adult and it's my turn to decide what that means.
Mike R.: Why? Because the Blingaseason has already suffocated you with stress and you are heading into a week two tailspin.
"Next time I see Allen's wife, I'm sneezing on her" - Richie
Week One Recap
Schertz def. Rob, 112.87-105.61:
The closest game of week one came down to the last game of the week. Rob was up by a bit heading into the Houston-San Diego contest, but thanks to Owen Daniels's two-touchdown, 20.93-point game, Schertz came out on top. And that was despite Rob getting an all-time-great performance from Peyton Manning (47.90).
Pulley def. Kevin, 141.30-118.95:
It's fitting that our first Team Blangums payout winner is Pulley, since he was also our first Sanderson Cup champion. Only one player didn't score in double figures for Adam (Rashard Mendenhall, 6.53), and no one put up more than 25.07 points (LeSean McCoy). Kevin takes the tough loss, despite 33.73 points from Victor Cruz and 28.47 from Reggie Bush. Taking a zero from Zach Sudfeld was pretty bad though (but that's not the worst tight end play of the week, actually).
Mike R. def. Babel, 135.37-97.51:
Babel was undone by Ben Roethlisberger's crappy day (6.55) and Calvin Johnson's underperformance (4.93). Mike was paced by Demaryius Thomas's 33.47 and Eli Manning's 30.30, despite getting only 6.73 points total from his running backs.
Allen def. Richie, 105.41-87.31:
I caught shit from both sides for this one. First, Richie expressed his dismay that I picked him, assuring him the loss. Then, Allen blasted me for not believing in him, after he won comfortably. I just can't win.
Ed def. Matt, 110.67-85.38:
Wait, I can win. And it's all thanks to my receivers and tight end. Larry Fitzgerald (22.67), Brandon Marshall (19.87), and Jordan Cameron (20.40) all had very good weeks, which offset my running backs, David Wilson (-2.10) and Vick Ballard (5.63), who had a worse combined week than Mike R.'s. Meanwhile, my prediction of Matt trading for a running back better than Mark Ingram (1.10) looks like it will come true sooner rather than later.
Rabbit def. Dave, 135.65-97.74:
Our finest Blingaleague franchise defeats our most down-and-out one? What a surprise. Wait - I picked Dave!? Yikes for me.
Derrek def. Pat, 131.44-91.71:
Pat got a zero from James Jones. D got 32.80 from keeper Colin Kaepernick, and 29.70 from Adrian Peterson (which might be the worst real-life 29.70-point game in history). And yes, my picks went 0-7 this week.
Current Standings
Pulley, 1-0, 141.30
Rabbit, 1-0, 135.65
Mike R., 1-0, 135.37
Derrek, 1-0, 131.44
Schertz, 1-0, 112.87
Ed, 1-0, 110.67
Allen, 1-0, 105.41
Kevin, 0-1, 118.95
Rob, 0-1, 105.61
Dave, 0-1, 97.74
Babel, 0-1, 97.51
Pat, 0-1, 91.71
Richie, 0-1, 87.31
Matt, 0-1, 85.38
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Pulley's 141.30 takes home this award. And $10!
Slapped Heartbeat: Matt finds himself in an unfamiliar position - last place, with only 85.38 points.
Weekly MVP: I have no qualms about giving the MVP to a player on a losing team, and Peyton Manning's 47.90 was amazing, even though Rob fell short.
Misplay of the Week: And why did Rob fall short? Because he played Brandon Pettigrew (-1.20) instead of Julius Thomas (26.67).
Week Two Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 1-0, 1st) vs. San Jose Sharknados (Mike R., 1-0, 3rd):
Mike R. leads all-time series, 4-1.
For the second-straight week, Bernie finds himself in the spotlight. This week, we find the #1 and #3 scorers of week one facing off.
Pulley has to hope Chip Kelly's Blur Offense keeps humming along, with LeSean McCoy being the top beneficiary. Mike has to hope his running backs actually do something this week.
Well, McCoy plays the Chargers, who blew a big lead on Monday. That's promising. And Maurice Jones-Drew plays against the Raiders, which could be huge for Mike.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad keeps rolling along.
Other Blingamatches
Half of a Horse (Ed, 1-0, 6th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 1-0, 4th):
All time series tied, 4-4.
Very few matchups have been as prolific, or as even, as the one between Derrek and me. This week, not only are we going up against each other, but our respective rooting interests, the Bears and the Vikings, are as well. And those teams are well-represented in this matchup, with Brandon Marshall and Robbie Gould starting for me, and Adrian Peterson and Blair Walsh starting for D. I'll pick this game like I'll pick the real-life matchup.
Pick: Half of a Horse, like the Bears, will win.
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 1-0, 2nd) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 1-0, 7th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 3-2.
Our third matchup of 1-0 team pits Rabs against Dr. Clark. Allen's team doesn't look great on paper, but it had enough to snag a week one victory. Rabbit looks better at every position except QB (Matthew Stafford (@ARI) vs. Aaron Rogers (vs. WAS)), which is enough for me.
Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 0-1, 14th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 0-1, 8th):
Kevin leads all-time series, 4-2.
Kevin took a very tough loss in week one. Matt had his heartbeat slapped. I'll use that fact to make my pick. Well, that and the fact that Kevin has three strong RBs on his roster, while Matt still has Mark Ingram.
Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.
Limited Characters (Babel, 0-1, 11th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 1-0, 5th):
Schertz leads all-time series, 1-0.
Babel's looking to bounce back, while Schertz is looking to continue his momentum from Monday night. The latter goal is likely impeded by Danny Amendola's injury. Despite some not-so-great matchups for Babel (Frank Gore and Anquan Boldin @SEA), I don't think Mike has enough depth to pull this one out.
Pick: Limited Characters in a close one.
DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 0-1, 13th) vs. THRILLHO (Rob, 0-1, 9th):
Richie leads all-time series, 1-0.
Will Richie's second-ever Blingaleague win also be his second-ever win against Rob? This game pits the possibly the two-greatest QBs ever, with Tom Brady (vs. NYJ) going for Richie and Peyton Manning (@NYG) going for Rob. This looks like it could be a very good game.
Pick: DICK ARMOUR continues his mastery of Rob.
Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 0-1, 12th) vs. Coach Bombay's DD (Dave, 0-1, 10th):
Dave leads all-time series, 3-1.
The good news for these guys is that only one can start 0-2.
Pick: Vinegar Strokes.
League Dues
For those of you who haven't paid me, please send $40 to 3514 N. Leavitt, Chicago, IL 60618 as soon as you can.
And remember, the extra $10 each will go towards weekly payouts for Team Blangums.
(Special thanks to D and Rabs, who both paid me this week.)
Closing Thoughts
This past week was the sixth-highest Blingaweek ever.
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