The Sanderson Gazette - 2013-10-30 - Unlikely

In this issue: Babel breaks his losing streak in a big way.

Week Eight Recap

Babel def. Pulley, 174.09-65.89:

Thanks to Calvin Johnson (47.87), Andy Dalton (33.25), and the Cincinnati defense (24.00), Mark Babel is no longer winless! And I'll spoil the Team Blangums section - 174.09 is the highest score in Blingaleague history. And that's despite just 3.47 from Tony Gonzalez. As for Pulley... well, I suppose it's good to have a horrendous week when you have no chance of winning anyway.

Matt def. Rabbit, 126.66-116.30:

One week after dealing a tough loss to Babel, Rabs gets one of his own. Matthew Stafford scored 30.60 for Rabs, but Matt got 22.47 from Andre Ellington and 21.70 from Dez Bryant.

Mike R. def. Schertz, 120.03-55.28:

Bernie defeated JuJu thanks to huge weeks from Jordy Nelson (28.40) and the Denver defense (20.00). Schertz only got double figures from his own defense, the Seahawks (11.00).

Allen def. Kevin, 80.75-43.90:

Rueben Randle may have scored 0.00 for Allen, but Michael Vick scored -1.40 for Kev. Needless to say, this game didn't produce our weekly MVP. Aaron Rodgers was the only twenty-pointer in this one, scoring 23.35 for Dr. Clark.

Pat def. Rob, 100.14-77.64:

Drew Brees (32.50) and Eddie Lacy (17.80) led the way for Pat, who remains in playoff contention. Rob's still in OK shape, but could have used more than 1.20 from Greg Jennings and 3.00 from Garrett Hartley.

Derrek def. Dave, 109.47-73.59:

D had a huge week from Colin Kaepernic (29.60), which made up for Sidney Rice's 0.00. Dave got his own 0.00, from Darren Sproles, and got over two-thirds of his value from Cam Newton (27.05) and Josh Gordon (23.60).

Ed def. Richie, 117.82-61.76:

My 100-point streak remained intact thanks to Golden Tate's 24.40 on Monday night. Richie got 0.93 from Julian Edeleman and a 0.00 (DNP) from Ronnie Hillman.

Current Standings

  1. Matt, 7-1, 950.39

  2. Ed, 5-3, 900.87

  3. Pulley, 5-3, 868.30

  4. Mike R., 5-3, 784.13

  5. Derrek, 5-3, 722.54

  6. Rob, 4-4, 794.67

  7. Schertz, 4-4, 733.45

  8. Pat, 4-4, 729.81

  9. Allen, 4-4, 705.65

  10. Richie, 4-4, 680.51

  11. Dave, 3-5, 802.37

  12. Kevin, 3-5, 765.10

  13. Rabbit, 2-6, 781.12

  14. Babel, 1-7, 817.50

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Babel's record-setting 174.09 bumps him up to fourth overall in points - and earns him $10.

Slapped Heartbeat: Kevin's 43.90 is the eighth-worst score of all time.

Weekly MVP: Calvin Johnson scored 47.87 points. Say no more.

Weekly Dud: Michael Vick's -1.40 was a big part of Kevin's awful week.

Week Nine Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 7-1, 1st) vs. D's Nuts (Derre, 5-3, 5th):

Matt leads all-time series, 5-3.

If you haven't noticed, Matt's turning into something of a juggernaut. Based on the records I have, his 950 points is the highest ever after eight weeks. And that was after getting Slapped Heartbeat in week one.

This week, Derrek tries to end his winning streak. D's point total isn't much, but he does have five wins and certainly has a history of successful fantasy footballing.

Which QB does the most with his matchup could swing this one. Matt's got RGIII (vs. SD), while Derrek has Tony Romo (vs. MIN).

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

Other Blingamatches

Optimus Prime (Allen, 4-4, 9th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 4-4, 7th):

Allen leads all-time series, 1-0.

Had Allen simply played Vincent Jackson (@SEA) two weeks ago, he'd be in playoff position. As it is, he really could use this win. Mike has to like his Seattle defense matchup (vs. TB), yet again.

Pick: schertzopotamus.

Half of a Horse (Ed, 5-3, 2nd) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 4-4, 8th):

Ed leads all-time series, 4-0.

My 100-point streak is on the line, as I have a couple key players (Larry Fitzgerald, Knowshon Moreno) on bye. Pat's got his own Cardinal receiver (Michael Floyd) on bye, as well. This could be an ugly game.

Pick: Half of a Horse.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 5-3, 3rd) vs. Coach Bombay's DD (Dave, 3-5, 11th):

Dave leads all-time series, 4-2.

Dave's fifth in points, but sits a ways out of the playoff picture. Pulley's 5-3, but coming of a really rough week. Pulley's WRs (Lance Moore (@NYJ), Doug Baldwin (vs. TB), Brandon LaFell (vs. ATL)) are underwhelming. Dave's got a great matchup for Cam Newton (vs. ATL).

Pick: Coach Bombay's DD.

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 3-5, 12th) vs. San Jose Sharknados (Mike R., 5-3, 4th):

Mike R. leads all-time series, 3-2.

Quietly, Mike has put himself into nice playoff position. His WRs (Jordy Nelson (vs. CHI), Brian Hartline (vs. CIN), DeSean Jackson (@OAK)) are strong. His RBs do just enough. He will be starting Terrelle Pryor (vs. PHI), though. Meanwhile, to say Kevin's been all over the place would be an understatement. This week, he's starting Jake Locker (@STL).

Pick: San Jose Sharknados.

Limited Characters (Babel, 1-7, 14th) vs. THRILLHO (Rob, 4-4, 6th):

Babel leads all-time series, 4-2.

Babel's coming off the best week ever, but Calvin Johnson's on his bye. Rob's studs - Peyton Manning and Julius Thomas - are also on bye.

Pick: Limited Characters.

DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 4-4, 10th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 2-6, 13th):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 1-0.

This the battle of the two most disappointing teams of 2013.

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

Closing Thoughts

Happy Halloween, a day early.

Eddo