The Sanderson Gazette - 2013-11-13 - A Balancing Act
For the second-straight week, our standings are perfectly symmetrical.
Week Ten Recap
Matt def. Dave, 126.46-79.17:
Matt clinched a playoff spot in dominating fashion, getting 26.45 and 21.87 from Robert Griffin III and Pierre Garcon on Thursday night. He also got 23.07 from new addition Calvin Johnson. The Fultz brothers won't win many games when Cam Newton scores 4.15 points, even though Darren Sproles (21.33) broke his string of sub-one-point games.
Pulley def. Derrek, 85.35-60.26:
Despite a fairly rough week, Pulley got a very important sixth win. It helped that Derrek got a combined -1.58 from Colin Kaepernick (-1.85) and Vernon Davis (0.27). Pulley got a zero from Zach Ertz, and his high scorer was the Giants defense (17.00).
Rob def. Allen, 101.71-59.46:
Allen smartly set his lineup before leaving for Vegas, which was good, because he was in no condition to do so from Sin City. His team had an awful week, as his best point total was only 12.67 (Rueben Randle). Rob go another great game from Peyton Manning (28.40) and Julius Thomas (18.80).
Rabbit def. Schertz, 107.48-71.48:
A.J. Green (26.13) and Riley Cooper (25.60) led th way for the red-hot Rabs easily beat Schertz. Russell Wilson (23.35) was JuJu's only double-digit scorer.
Kevin def. Ed, 108.75-89.23:
My sub-100 streak reached two, as outside of Brandon Marshall's 30.53, I didn't get much. Kevin got great games from a pair of Seahawks (Marshawn Lynch, 22.63, and Steven Hauschka, 19.00) and a pair of Texans (Case Keenum, 18.35, and Andre Johnson, 16.93), as he won his fifth game in seven weeks (and fourth in five).
Mike R. def. Pat, 102.64-69.71:
Pat's season is spiralling downward, but that was no excuse for playing out-for-the-year Kyle Rudolph. It didn't help matters that Marvin Jones had only 0.97 and Adam Vinatieri put up a zero of his own. Bernie got a huge game from Demaryius Thomas (32.40).
Richie def. Babel, 82.43-66.94:
Alshon Jeffery and DeMarco Murray put up identical 15.70's and T.Y. Hilton added 17.33, as Mr. Armour pulled back up to .500. Babel's playoff dream is now officially over, and his two new keepers, Dez Bryant (5.87) and Lamar Miller (1.40), did nothing to help that.
Current Standings
Matt, 9.1, 1190.00 (x)
Ed, 6-4, 1086.21
Pulley, 6-4, 1058.10
Mike R., 6-4, 1001.63
Rob, 6-4, 982.58
Kevin, 5-5, 988.90
Schertz, 5-5, 916.85
Richie, 5-5, 871.47
Derrek, 5-5, 846.65
Rabbit, 4-6, 1049.54
Dave, 4-6, 1000.79
Pat, 4-6, 885.46
Allen, 4-6, 829.83
Babel, 1-9, 966.48 (e)
(x) Clinched a playoff berth
(e) Eliminated from playoff contention (for real this time)
Playoff Scenarios
Matt has clinched a playoff berth.
Matt clinches a first-round bye with:
a win or tie
OR
a loss AND an Ed-Mike R. tie
OR
a loss AND an Ed loss or tie AND a Rob loss or tie
OR
a loss AND a Pulley loss or tie AND a Mike R. loss or tie AND a Rob loss or tie.
(Babel has been eliminated from playoff contention.)
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Matt wins his third Team Blangums of the year with a 126.46.
Slapped Heartbeat: Allen's 59.46 just barely edges out Derrek's 60.26. And - surprise, surprise! - they have the two lowest total scores on the season.
Dud of the Week: Colin Kaepernick's -1.85 was a big reason for D's crappy score...
Misplay of the Week: ...but Allen's playing of the Dallas defense (-4.00) - against the Saints, no less - caused him to get his heartbeat slapped.
Week Eleven Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Half of a Horse (Ed, 6-4, 2nd) vs. San Jose Sharknados (Mike R., 6-4, 4th):
Ed leads all-time series, 4-1.
This week's lone game between two above-.500 teams has major playoff implications. The winner, thanks to their point total, would need a crazy collapse to miss the playoffs, but the loser will find himself lodged precariously at 6-5.
Bernie's QB situation has hurt him all year, but can Eli Manning get it going against the suddenly weak Packers defense? Meanwhile, Matt Ryan has been sub-standard for me, and faces the better-than-they-seem Tampa defense on the road.
Pick: Half of a Horse.
Other Blingamatches
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 6-4, 3rd) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 4-6, 10th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 3-2.
A loss by any of our four 4-6 teams would essentially end their playoff hopes, but Rabs is in the best position (fourth overall in points). He might need Riley Cooper (vs. WAS) and Jordan Reed (@PHI) to keep up their recent runs, as Pulley's got some Eagle-Redskin action going as well. Can LeSean McCoy (vs. WAS) and Alfred Morris (@PHI) outduel Rabbit's WR counterparts?
Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 4-6, 12th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 5-5, 6th):
Pat leads all-time series, 4-0.
Who would have thought Kevin would have clawed his way back into playoff contention - let alone sixth place itself - after his tough-luck 0-3 start? But thanks in large part to Keenan Allen (@MIA) and Andre Johnson (vs. OAK). This week, he'll be up against Pat, who's really not much more than Drew Brees (vs. SF) and Eddie Lacy (@NYG) at this point. And he really needs to start a tight end that will actually play.
Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.
THRILLHO (Rob, 6-4, 5th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 5-5, 9th):
Rob leads all-time series, 4-3.
Two weeks ago, these two were in opposite places, but since then Rob's gotten two critical wins and D's suffered two bad losses. And if Drenckpohl gets a third straight, he'll likely need to win out due to his low point total. If Vernon Davis (@NO) plays, he might have a chance. Might.
Pick: THRILLHO.
Coach Bombay's DD (Dave, 4-6, 11th) vs. DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 5-5, 8th):
Dave leads all-time series, 1-0.
Dave's has had what's becoming a regular thing for him - a good amount of points despite a poor record. He really needs this win, but then again, so does Richie. If Richie can find a second RB to play, with DeMarco Murray on bye, this one will probably come down to Monday night's Cam Newton-Tom Brady battle.
Pick: DICK ARMOUR.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 9-1, 1st) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 5-5, 7th):
Matt leads all-time series, 1-0.
Matt's playing for a bye. Schertz is playing to keep his playoff hopes realistic. Someone has to end Matt's winning streak; why not JuJu?
Pick: schertzopotamus.
Limited Characters (Babel, 1-9, 14th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 4-6, 13th):
Babel leads all-time series, 4-3.
The Cowboys are on bye this week, but if Allen leaves them in his lineup, they can't do any worse than last Sunday.
Pick: Limited Characters.
Closing Thoughts
This past week was the fith-lowest scoring of all-time. Damn.
Ed