The Sanderson Gazette - 2013-11-27 - Cousin vs. Cousin
The Fultz Brothers' win last week means that the fight for the final few playoff spots is quite clear. And it comes down to a battle between cousins.
Week Twelve Recap
Pat def. Richie, 106.27-102.03:
For two guys with nothing to play for, these two put on quite a show. Pat stormed out to an early lead thanks to Drew Brees (20.30) and Eddie Lacy (23.40), along with no real stinkers. Richie got a huge game from the Steelers defense (23.00) and then Tom Brady (24.20) very nearly snagged him a win on Sunday night.
Dave def. Mike R., 107.66-100.60:
Josh Gordon (37.60) almost singlehandedly put the Fultzes in control of their own playoff fate. Despite getting -6.00 from the Kansas City defense, Dave and Kyle were able to hand Bernie a potentially devastating loss. It was actually a very solid week for Mike; though his high scorer may have only had 16.03 (Zac Stacy), his low scorer stil managed 3.50 (Frank Gore).
Ed def. Rabbit, 99.16-94.76:
I couldn't break the hundred-point barrier, but I'll take this win over Nick. Knowshon Moreno (29.20) had a huge game, helping offset Donald Brown's -0.17. Rabs had no one score over twenty points, but was moreso cursed by Rishard Matthews's (0.27) ineffectiveness and Stevan Ridley's (-0.60) fumbling.
Babel def. Kevin, 78.85-72.56:
Kevin was also crushed by Ridley's lack of ball security, as Babel was able to turn it into 11.10 points from Shane Vereen. There were no twenty-point scorers at all in this one, which led to a pair of lackluster point totals.
Pulley def. Allen, 74.24-71.82:
Allen moves into last place by points thanks to this horrifying game - and that's despite Philip Rivers's 30.70! Pulley wasn't too much better; his high scorer was the Ravens defense (16.00), but he does move into prime bye position.
Derrek def Schertz, 91.82-57.01:
Dear JuJu: when you're desperately trying to make the playoffs, you can't score less than 60 points. Derrek got a combined 1.20 points from Kendall Hunter and Vincent Brown, but also got 23.75 from Colin Kaepernick. Schertz just got 0.07 combined from DeAndre Hopkins and the Cleveland defense.
Matt def. Rob, 113.04-78.67:
Yada yada yada, just another win - and Team Blangums - for our defending champ.
Current Standings
Matt, 10-2, 1406.81 (z)
Pulley, 8-4, 1226.64 (x)
Ed, 7-5, 1267.91
Mike R., 7-5, 1196.51
Rob, 7-5, 1173.83
Dave, 6-6, 1214.07
Kevin, 6-6, 1152.47
Schertz, 6-6, 1086.93
Derrek, 6-6, 1008.23
Pat, 5-7, 1065.68 (e)
Richie, 5-7, 1038.67 (e)
Rabbit, 4-8, 1226.26 (e)
Allen, 4-8, 991.42 (e)
Babel, 3-9, 1173.98 (e)
(z) Clinced #1 overall seed
(x) Clinched a playoff berth
(e) Eliminated from playoff contention (for real this time)
Playoff Scenarios
Matt has clinched the #1 overall seed.
Pulley has clinched a playoff berth.
Pulley clinches a first-round bye with:
a win or tie.
Ed clinches a playoff berth with:
a win or tie.
Mike R. clinches a playoff berth with:
a win or tie.
Rob clinches a playoff berth with:
a win or tie.
Dave clinches a playoff berth with:
a win AND a Schertz loss or tie AND a Derrek loss or tie
OR
a tie AND a Schertz loss AND a Derrek loss.
Kevin clinches a playoff berth with:
a win AND a Schertz loss or tie AND a Derrek loss or tie.
Schertz clinches a playoff berth with:
a win AND a Dave/Kevin tie AND a Derrek loss or tie.
Derrek clinches a playoff berth with:
a win AND a Dave/Kevin tie AND a Schertz loss or tie.
(Pat, Richie, Rabbit, Allen, and Babel have been eliminated from playoff contention.)
Playoff Scenarios, Part II
The above clinching scenarios make things seem more complicated than they actually are when you factor in point toals.
Who actually makes the playoffs mostly comes down to the Dave/Kevin game. The winner of that game is almost certainly in; both Schertz and Derrek are able to catch the winner (if they win themselves), but would need to outscore Dave by 128 and 206 points, respectively, and Kevin by 66 and 145, respectively.
So Schertz would need to win, get an especially high score, and hope the Dave/Kevin game is low scoring. Derrek would need to win and pretty much double the highest score in Blingaleague history. (A Dave/Kevin tie also helps Schertz and Derrek, and that could actually be more likely than Derrek actually catching either of them in points.)
Ed, Mike R., and Rob are protected in the same general fashion. They all have more total points than Kevin does right now, so even if they lose, it would take a huge leap for Schertz and/or Derrek to pass them. So even though none of the three 7-5 teams have clinched, it would take a fairly extreme set of circumstances for any of them to fall out of the playoffs (particuarly Ed, since he's second overall in total points as of now).
As for the second bye, if Pulley doesn't lose, it's his. If he does lose, and Ed wins, it's very likely Ed passes him for the bye. If Ed doesn't win, Mike R. can get the bye if he wins, outscores Pulley by 31 points, and doesn't get outscored by Rob by 23 points. Rob can also get the bye, if he beats Pulley while outscoring him by 97 points, and then either Mike R. doesn't win or scores 23 fewer points than Rob.
So what it comes down to, barring some crazy point totals, is:
the current top five teams are in;
Pulley (or maybe Ed) gets the #2 seed;
the winner of Dave/Kevin gets the last playoff spot.
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Matt takes home his fourth of the season, and second in three weeks, with a relatively low 113.04.
Slapped Heartbeat: Schertz could have moved into stronger position; instead, he scored 57.01 points.
Weekly MVP: Josh Gordon's 37.60 was huge for Dave's playoff hopes.
Misplay of the Week: Allen literally could have played no defense and won (and he even had the Cowboys defense's 9.00 on his bench); the Bears gave him -5.00.
Week Thirteen Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Coach Bombay's DD (Dave, 6-6, 6th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 6-6, 7th):
Kevin leads all-time series, 7-1.
What's at stake? A playoff spot. For Dave, it would be his first ever; for Kevin, his first since 2009.
If Josh Gordon (vs. JAC) keeps up his dominance, the Fultz Brothers could be tough to beat. But can't you also see Marshawn Lynch (vs. NO) having a huge Monday night game?
Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.
Other Blingamatches
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 8-4, 2nd) vs. THRILLHO (Rob, 7-5, 5th):
Rob leads all-time series, 5-4.
What's at stake? For Pulley, a bye. For Rob, anything from a bye (not likely) to missing the playoffs (even less likely).
Pulley's been near the top of the league all year and has won three in a row, so you could say he's got the hot hand. But he did just barely beat Allen last week; Rob lost last week, and badly at that, but still had more points than Pulley.
Pick: THRILLHO.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 10-2, 1st) vs. San Jose Sharknados (Mike R., 7-5, 4th):
Matt leads all-time series, 5-3.
What's at stake? Nothing, really. Matt's got everything locked up, and it would take a trainwreck of a week for Bernie to miss the playoffs.
Mike R. has gone a pedestrian 3-2 over his last five games, but broke 100 in both of those losses, so you could say he's getting Matt at the right time... Nope. There is no good time to play Matt.
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
D's Nuts (Derrek, 6-6, 9th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 4-8, 13th):
Allen leads all-time series, 6-4.
What's at stake? Realistically, just pride. Allen's fighting to stay out of last place, while Derrek's playoff chances pretty much depend on another game being tied.
These guys are also the bottom two in points scored. Not a season to remember.
Pick: D's Nuts.
DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 5-7, 11th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 6-6, 8th):
Schertz leads all-time series, 1-0.
What's at stake? Schertz has a better chance than Derrek at making the playoffs, but still might need that tie.
Both of our 2012 expansion teams improved from their inaugural year. And yet, both are probably disappointed that they aren't above that playoff line right now.
Pick: schertzopotamus.
Half of a Horse (Ed, 7-5, 2nd) vs. Limited Characters (Babel, 3-9, 14th):
Babel leads all-time series, 6-3.
What's at stake? A potential bye for Ed, and a potential miraculous journey out of the cellar for Babel.
If Babel continues his master of yours truly, he's got a decent shot of passing Allen for 13th place.
Pick: Limited Characters.
Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 5-7, 10th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 4-8, 12th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 6-1.
What's at stake? Pass.
Until now, Rabs has never come into this game with a worse record than Pat.
Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Closing Thoughts
It's been a great year guys, let's keep it up.
Eddo