The Sanderson Gazette - 2013-12-04 - Dogs and Cats Living with Each Other
Yes, everyone, Dave has made the playoffs.
Week Thirteen Recap
Dave def. Kevin, 158.59-103.71:
Kevin had a good week, but Dave had an epic one. His score was the fourteenth-highest of all time, and not only earned him a playoff spot, but got him the #5 seed and third overall point total. Well done, Fultz Brothers - you can thank Josh Gordon for his 46.80 points.
Rob def. Pulley, 114.69-61.44:
Not only did Rob win the Clash of Hatred in convincing fashion, but he won it by enough points to pass Pulley in the standings and get the coveted second bye. I guess my days of not taking Rob seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
Babel def. Ed, 119.91-115.68:
The Ol' Timberwolves Hat belongs to Babel for the second year in a row, in what has to be the greatest game these two rivals have staged. All eighteen players in this game ranged between 4.00 (Ryan Succop) and 24.00 (Lions defense) points.
Matt def. Mike R., 113.75-87.22:
Another week, another win for Matt. Bernie falls to the #6 seed with this loss, but is that right where he wants to be? (More on this later.)
Richie def. Schertz, 130.21-114.01:
Alshon Jeffery's big day (45.20) led Richie to a win. Despite 28.20 from Ben Tate, JuJu took the tough loss.
Derrek def. Allen, 136.75-59.00:
If the Babel/Ed clash was the greatest game in that rivalry, this certainly has to be the worst in our most prolific one. Allen had two zeroes (Denarius Moore, DeAngelo Williams) and another 0.20 (James Starks). Derrek got 47.20 from Eric Decker, the highest of the three 40-point WRs this week.
Final Standings
Matt, 11-2, 1518.61 (z)
Rob, 8-5, 1288.52 (y)
Pulley, 8-5, 1288.08 (x)
Ed, 7-6, 1383.77 (x)
Dave, 7-6, 1371.66 (x)
Mike R., 7-6, 1285.73 (x)
Derrek, 7-6, 1144.98 (e)
Kevin, 6-7, 1256.18 (e)
Schertz, 6-7, 1200.94 (e)
Richie, 6-7, 1168.88 (e)
Rabbit, 5-8, 1317.50 (e)
Pat, 5-8, 1137.03 (e)
Babel, 4-9, 1293.89 (e)
Allen, 4-9, 1050.42 (e)
(z) Clinched #1 overall seed
(y) Clinched first-round bye
(x) Clinched a playoff berth
(e) Eliminated from playoff contention (for real this time)
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Dave blasted his way into the playoffs with a 158.59.
Slapped Heartbeat: Allen's 59.00 serves as a fitting end to his Blingaseason.
Weekly MVP: Rob needed every one of Peyton Manning's 35.85 to secure a bye.
Misplay of the Week: I cost myself a bye by playing Golden Tate (6.00) over Knowshon Moreno (17.40) or Montee Ball (12.23).
Season Postmortems
Allen Clark (Optimus Prime, 4-9, 14th):
Allen won his first two games, then lost four in a row. He won his next two games, then lost five in a row. He had the fewest total points. There is little doubt he had the worst team in the Blingaleague this year.
Expected wins: 3.498.
Mark Babel (Limited Characters, 4-9, 13th):
Babel might have won only four games, but he made half of them count, as he took home two Team Blangums awards (and thus, earns half his entry fee back). Starting 0-7 obviously kept him from having an real playoff aspirations, but Mark did end the season on his customary hot streak, notching victories in his final three matches.
Expected wins: 6.131.
Pat Gawne (Vinegar Strokes, 5-8, 12th):
No one should be sadder to see Dave make the playoffs than Pat, as he is now our only non-expansion franchise to never play past week thirteen. Pat was a .500 team as late as week nine, but lost four of his last five.
Expected wins: 4.673.
Nick "Rabbit" Warren (Pralines & Dick, 5-8, 11th):
Rabs is human after all; this is only the second time he's failed to make the playoffs. He did finish fourth overall in points and took home two Team Blangums awards, but his hit-or-miss outcomes led him to a 1-5 start that he just couldn't overcome.
Expected wins: 6.500.
Richie Armour (DICK ARMOUR, 6-7, 10th):
Richie acquitted himself fairly well after last year's disaster, though he's still probably disappointed in how this year turned out. After a 4-1 start, he dropped four straight - in ugly fashion - killing his playoff hopes.
Expected wins: 5.097.
Mike "JuJu" Schertz (schertzopotamus, 6-7, 9th):
Following week three, Schertz was never more than one game away from .500. He was sitting in good playoff position after week eleven, but laid an egg in week twelve, ending any real hope he had.
Expected wins: 5.895.
Kevin Pattermann (The Chocolate Donuts, 6-7, 8th):
Kevin nearly collapsed after his historic bad luck the first two weeks, but righted the ship enough to control his own playoff destiny entering weeks twelve and weeks thirteen. He couldn't get it done, however, so he misses the playoffs for the fourth year in a row.
Expected wins: 6.583.
Derrek Drenckpohl (D's Nuts, 7-6, 7th):
I honestly have no idea how Derrek finished above .500; he finished twelfth overall in points (and that's really thanks to his huge week thirteen), only breaking 100 three times.
Expected wins: 4.619.
Quarterfinals Preview
Half of a Horse (Ed, 7-6, 4th) vs. Coach Bombay's DD (Dave, 7-6, 5th):
Ed leads all-time series, 5-2.
Some poor decisions not only cost me a free pass to the semifinals, but forced me to go up against the Blingaleague's hottest team in the quarterfinals.
The Fultz Brothers won (and scored over 100 points in) their three final - and four of their last five - contests. The strong finish is in large part due to Josh Gordon, who had two-straight 200-yard weeks. And is he poised to have another big game? The Browns could be playing catchup all Sunday against New England, but they also might wind up starting a QB even worse than Brandon Weeden.
My season was essentially made by a trade with Dave in which I acquired my top two RBs - Knowshon Moreno (vs. TEN) and Fred Jackson (@TB). Will that trade come back to haunt him?
I have so little faith in my team that I think I have to pick our lovable loser in this one.
Pick: Coach Bombay's DD.
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 8-5, 3rd) vs. San Jose Sharknados (Mike R., 7-6, 6th):
Mike R. leads all-time series, 4-2.
From midseason onward, these two looked to be pretty locked into playoff spots, and neither fell away.
Mike does end the season on a two-game losing streak, but had won three of four prior to that (which would have been four straight had it not been for stat corrections). He's somehow made it this far with Eli Manning at QB, thanks to some excellent WRs (Demaryius Thomas (vs. TEN), DeSean Jackson (vs. DET), and Jordy Nelson (vs. ATL)).
Pulley's been riding LeSean McCoy (vs. DET) all year, and making the right moves around him. He's won three of his last four, but hasn't really looked great doing it, failing to break 100 since week nine.
Recent trends seem to point in Mike's favor; the #6 seed has made the Blingabowl the past two seasons.
Pick: San Jose Sharknados.
Closing Thoughts
Here's a little extra info on expected wins, if anyone's curious:
50.00 points counts as 0.016 expected wins;
60.00 counts as 0.044;
70.00 counts as 0.111;
80.00 counts as 0.210;
90.00 counts as 0.360;
100.00 counts as 0.529;
110.00 counts as 0.716;
120.00 counts as 0.866;
130.00 counts as 0.929;
140.00 counts as 0.966.
Good luck to all our playoff teams.
Eddo