The Sanderson Gazette - 2014-10-01 - Pulley Loaded
Yes, the tagline's a pun. Deal with it.
Week Four Recap
Pulley def. Matt, 147.00-113.04:
Pulley spotted Matt 28.00 points on the kicker-defense combination this week, yet still won by almost 34 points. Matt, I think you finally know what it feels like to go up against a juggernaut. Andrew Luck (33.55) and Antonio Brown (30.32) once again led the way for Adam.
Rob def. Ed, 115.70-103.35:
Eli Manning (34.10) won this game for the younger Gross, in a game in which both teams had solid, if unspectacular days from their non-QBs. Philip Rivers (28.85) continued his stellar year for me.
Rabbit def. Dave, 128.90-111.07:
Rabs survived this one to get to 3-1, thanks mainly to Randall Cobb's (27.07) breakout day. Jordy Nelson (26.40) almost matched his teammate, but on the whole, Dave was just not good enough to avoid his second-straight defeat.
Derrek def. Pat, 124.36-97.37:
D finally had a good week thanks to Eddie Royal (26.00) and Frank Gore (25.23), and really only one disappointment (LeGarrette Blount, 2.50). Pat got a rare dud from Calvin Johnson (1.60), though he did smartly play the Chiefs' defense (16.00).
Kevin def. Mike R., 121.73-76.64:
Mr. Pattermann got 10+ points from every non-kicker-or-defense player, which propelled him to a much-needed second victory. Joe Flacco (28.65), in particular, shined. Bernie suffered a miserable week, despited Aaron Rodgers's 30.90.
Schertz def. Babel, 100.39-87.58:
Babel's Blake Bortles (12.05) gamble had very little bearing on this matchup. JuJu had a solid overall week, led by Larry Donnell's 25.20 on Thursday night.
Allen def. Richie, 100.35-59.65:
No one benefitted from Steve Smith "Sr."'s revenge game like Allen, as the former Panther scored 30.53. The defenses (New England, -5.00; Chicago, -4.00) combined for -9.00 points in this one.
Current Standings
The Clash of Hatred is shaping up to be pretty epic again this year.
Pulley, 4-0, 545.93
Rob, 3-1, 435.47
Rabbit, 3-1, 421.88
Schertz, 3-1, 354.1
Dave, 2-2, 481.16
Babel, 2-2, 435.4
Kevin, 2-2, 426.39
Pat, 2-2, 392.04
Ed, 2-2, 376.46
Allen, 2-2, 341.64
Matt, 1-3, 394.66
Mike R., 1-3, 348.19
Derrek, 1-3, 336.02
Richie, 0-4, 312.35
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Pulley (147.00) wins his third-straight Team Blangums award, joining only Kevin (2008, weeks 9-11) and Rabbit (2010, weeks 8-11) as the only threepeaters.
Slapped Heartbeat: Richie's 59.65 puts him at 0-4 on the year.
Weekly MVP: Andrew Luck (33.55) is our repeat winner this week.
Dud of the Week: Pulley (Atlanta) and Mike R. (Carolina) both managed a rare feat - playing a perfectly bad (-7.00) defense.
Start of the Week: Had Schertz played Tom Brady (3.95) over Jay Cutler (18.70), he would have lost to Babel.
Week Five Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 4-0, 1st) vs. BANGARANG RUFIO (Dave, 2-2, 5th):
Dave leads all-time series, 5-3.
These two account for all four Team Blangums awards so far in 2014, and, as such, are the top two point-scorers.
But their records tell a different story. Pulley's our only 4-0 squad, while the Fultz brothers sit at 2-2. A loss here could put them out of the playoff picture, at least temporarily.
Pulley has a stud QB (Andrew Luck, vs. BAL), a stud WR (Antonio Brown, @JAC), and a stud RB (DeMarco Murray, vs. HOU). Dave's strength is his receiving corps, with A.J Green (@NE), Jordy Nelson (vs. MIN), and Martellus Bennett (@CAR) all having great years so far.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Other Blingamatches
The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-2, 7th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 2-2, 8th):
Pat leads all-time series, 4-1.
Kevin's coming off a big win, Pat's coming off a disappointing loss. Both are 2-2, and both could really use a win here. On the whole, Kevin's team looks a bit stronger this week.
Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.
Optimus Prime (Allen, 2-2, 10th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 3-1, 4th):
All-time series tied, 1-1.
These two have a lot in common so far. They both have records that are better than their overall level of impressiveness, and they both scored between 100.35 and 100.39 last week.
Pick: schertzopotamus.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 1-3, 11th) vs. Keep Calm and Le'Veon (Babel, 2-2, 6th):
Matt leads all-time series, 5-2.
Matt's Nick Foles (vs. STL) luck finally ran out last week, and now he finds himself in an odd position: two games below .500. Babel is also looking to bounce back, and he gets his regular QB, Andy Dalton (@NE) back this week.
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 1-3, 12th) vs. THRILLHO (Rob, 3-1, 2nd):
Rob leads all-time series, 5-1.
Peyton Manning (vs. ARI) vs. Aaron Rodgers (vs. MIN). That's the headline for this one, but I doubt that's the deciding matchup. Of course, now that I say that, one of them will outscore the other by 15 points.
Pick: Bernie's Bullies.
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 3-1, 3rd) vs. DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 0-4, 14th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 2-0.
I look at Richie's team, and I don't see 0-4. But Richie's Blingaleague career has been all about unfulfilled expectations. Meanwhile, classic Rabs appears to be back.
Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Live Commish (Ed, 2-2, 9th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 1-3, 13th):
Ed leads all-time series, 5-4.
What hath happened to these two once-proud franchises?
Pick: Live Commish.
Closing Thoughts
Week four was the seventh-highest-scoring week of all time. That's more like it.
EWG