The Sanderson Gazette - 2014-10-09 - Whatever

"This win could only be sweeter if it was against Rob," Richie, 10:24 PM, Monday, counting his chickens before they hatched.

Week Five Recap

Rabbit def. Richie, 93.01-87.86:

Rabbit's record says he's back, but the 2010-2012 version rarely needed to sweat out games like this over winless teams. Thanks to Marshawn Lynch's (19.20) late push, Nick was able to eke out a win over Richie. Alshon Jeffery (18.93) had a great week for the loser of this matchup, but Mr. Armour was once again crushed by LeSean McCoy (6.77) having a poor showing.

Dave def. Pulley, 115.44-105.23:

Well, we won't have a perfect season in year seven. Pulley took a tough loss this week, as 22.80 from Andrew Luck and 21.60 from Greg Olsen were not enough to overcome the Fultz brothers' big week. Dave and Kyle got identical 14.80 scores from A.J. Green and Jordy Nelson, but were truly propelled to victory by Stephen Gostkowski (21.00) and the Eagles' defense (20.00).

Schertz def. Allen, 107.18-89.05:

Don't look now, but JuJu has moved into a tie for first place, thanks to his solid victory over Allen. Matt Forte (24.10) and Jay Cutler (20.65) led the way for Mike S., while the Colts' defense (14.00) also helped. Despite the loss, Allen's RBs - Arian Foster (29.70) and Pierre Thomas (25.77) - were fantastic this week, which is a weird thing to say.

Pat def. Kevin, 78.58-72.85:

Pat won the battle of the fringe contenders despite not playing Stevan Ridley's 17.30 points, thanks mainly to Eddie Lacy (26.10) finally having a big game. Kevin got 33.25 from Russell Wilson in a losing effort.

Matt def. Babel, 135.74-103.56:

Mark had a good week, but fell victim to Matt's team finally living up to expectations. Our defending champ was led by Andre Ellington (30.13), DeSean Jackson (26.93), and - as Babel so pointedly noted in the Blingaleague Hangout - Phil Dawson (20.00). Babel did get 20.00 points of his own from Antonio Gates, but takes the tough loss, nonetheless.

Ed def. Derrek, 70.04-63.74:

D and I are far from our finest this year, though I do remain on the edges of playoff contention. Only three starters scored in double figures in this matchup: Philip Rivers (21.70) for me, and Colin Kapernick (12.85) and Frank Gore (10.83) for Derrek.

Mike R. def. Rob, 123.06-95.16:

Bernie can thank Demaryius Thomas (42.13) for keeping him from falling to 1-4 and effectively out of the playoff picture. Rob, meanwhile, is in decent shape still, even though his Broncos (Peyton Manning, 34.75, and Julius Thomas, 20.80) could not get him the win this week.

Current Standings

  1. Pulley, 4-1, 651.16

  2. Rabbit, 4-1, 514.89

  3. Schertz, 4-1, 461.38

  4. Dave, 3-2, 596.6

  5. Rob, 3-2, 530.63

  6. Pat, 3-2, 470.62

  7. Ed, 3-2, 447.5

  8. Babel, 2-3, 539.01

  9. Matt, 2-3, 530.4

  10. Kevin, 2-3, 499.24

  11. Mike R., 2-3, 474.22

  12. Allen, 2-3, 431.19

  13. Derrek, 1-4, 399.76

  14. Richie, 0-5, 400.21

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Matt's back on top, scoring 135.74 this week.

Slapped Heartbeat: Derrek's 63.74 has helped him move back into the cellar, total points-wise.

Weekly MVP: Demaryius Thomas's 42.13 was one of the highest scores I can recall for a WR.

Misplay of the Week: For some reason, Kevin played the Bengals' defense (-6.00) at New England over the Steelers' defense (15.00) at Jacksonville, and lost by less than six points. ("Honorable" mention to Derrek, who would have made up his own defecit had he only played Golden Tate and his 23.87 over any of his other WRs.)

Week Six Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

D's Nuts (Derrek, 1-4, 13th) vs. DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 0-5, 14th):

Derrek leads all-time series, 2-0.

This is probably the only chance for these two teams to get the spotlight from here on out, so why not?

Derrek's team was undone in epic fashion by Adrian Peterson, as he's been playing Jerick McKinnon (vs. DET) in his stead. Richie has his own RB problems, as his #1 overall pick, LeSean McCoy (vs. NYG) has been a total dud so far.

Richie's team, despite having the worse record, looks just a little better to me on the whole.

Pick: DICK ARMOUR.

Other Blingamatches

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 4-1, 1st) vs. Keep Calm & Le'Veon (Babel, 2-3, 8th):

Babel can't seem to catch a break in his current stretch, facing a re-awakened Matt last week and a recently-dethroned Pullman this one. He has to like his matchups with Antonio Gates and the Chargers' defense though, as they face a pretty awful Oakland team. Pulley will just have to hope DeMarco Murray continues his amazing year against the Seahawks.

Pick: Keep Calm and Le'Veon.

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 2-3, 9th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 3-2, 6th):

This might be the week it all falls apart for Pat. Drew Brees is on bye (and Pat, of course, doesn't have a healthy backup), Calvin Johnson is out, and he's going up against the Hammers. Eddie Lacy (@MIA) will need to have an epic week to give Pat a chance. Matt, however, must be eager to see what Julio Jones and Andre Ellington can do against the Bears and Redskins, respectively.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-3, 10th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 4-1, 3rd):

Is this the culmination of Schertz's three-year plan? Did he even have a three-year plan? Kevin, on the other hand, has been his usual self, losing close games and remaining in the 7th-to-10th place range. This week, having both his decent TEs on bye will hurt Mr. Pattermann, while JuJu has two Bears (Jay Cutler, Matt Forte) facing a sub-standard Falcons' defense.

Pick: schertzopotamus

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 4-1, 2nd) vs. Live Commish (Ed, 3-2, 7th):

Rabbit's been having a very solid, if unspectacular year, and I don't see myself putting up much of a fight. I do have Philip Rivers (@OAK) and a duo of Dolphins RBs (Lamar Miller and Knowshon Moreno, vs. GB) that could have good weeks, but I can't see them overcoming Rob Gronkowski (@BUF) and company.

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

THRILLHO (Rob, 3-2, 5th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 2-3, 12th):

Allen's actually back in Chicago this weekend, but I doubt that helps him from a fantasy standpoint. Especially with Pierre Thomas on his bye. He does have Matthew Stafford going up against the Vikings defense that made the 2014 Packers look like the 2011 Packers last week. Rob, though, has Peyton Manning (@NYJ).

Pick: THRILLHO.

BANGARANG RUFIO (Dave, 3-2, 4th) vs. Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 2-3, 11th):

Matt Ryan (vs. CHI) vs. Aaron Rodgers (@MIA). Jordy Nelson (@MIA) vs. Demaryius Thomas (@NYJ). Those four players could produce 100 points between them. The difference in this one might be the absence of A.J. Green for Dave.

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

Closing Thoughts

Week had the 11th-smallest average margin of victory all-time.

And a HUGE congratulations to Richie and Kim, who welcomed Rowan Jo Armour into the world on Tuesday!

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