The Sanderson Gazette - 2014-12-23 - The Tower of Babel

Sheer dominance in the biggest game of the year.

Blingabowl VII Recap

Babel def. Rabbit, 156.55-100.96:

Nick had a good week, but it was no match for the top score in Blingabowl history. Russell Wilson (38.75), Antonio Gates (24.27), and C.J. Anderson (21.63) turned this into a blowout.

Third-Place Game Recap

Pulley def. Matt, 84.20-62.96:

Adam P. takes third place - for the second straight year - in a game that neither team really showed up for.

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Babel's 156.55 is the seventeenth-highest score of all time.

Slapped Heartbeat: Matt, again, with 62.96.

Weekly MVP: Russell Wilson's 38.75 earn Blingabowl MVP honors.

Annual MVP: I'll reward Le'Veon Bell's full-season performance over C.J. Anderson's late-season push. But, either way, it's a Mark Babel RB.

Annual Dud: Doug Martin was Babel's first round pick. Also, C.J. Spiller was shitty for Rob. LeSean McCoy dissapointed for Richie. Adrian Peterson never saw the field for Derrek. Lots of options here.

Season Postmortems

Nick "Rabbit" Warren (Pralines & Dick, 11-4, 2nd):

From 2010 onward, Rabs has lost to only Mark in the playoffs. He bounced back this year to win the regular-season title, playing matchups well despite having a team that was far from his best-looking on paper. In the end, a lack of depth at WR did him in.

Expected wins (regular season): 8.404.

Mark Babel (Keep Calm and Le'Veon, 10-6, 1st):

Since 2012, Babel's only loss from week thirteen onward has been in Blingabowl V. From week twelve onward, all-time, he is 16-8 (and two of those losses were in a third-place and a fifth-place game). Mark is a closer.

Expected wins (reular season): 7.996.

Final Standings

  1. Babel

  2. Rabbit

  3. Pulley

  4. Matt

  5. Rob

  6. Dave

  7. Mike R.

  8. Ed

  9. Richie

  10. Allen

  11. Pat

  12. Derrek

  13. Schertz

  14. Kevin

Final Payouts

Babel: $278 (first place plus two Blangums)

Rabbit: $149 (second place plus two Blangums)

Pulley: $73 (third place plus three Blangums)

Dave: $20 (two Blangums)

Matt: $10 (one Blangums)

Rob: $10 (one Blangums)

Schertz: $10 (one Blangums)

Kevin: $10 (one Blangums)

Blingapower Rankings

A little explanation, since I've never given one before: I want these to have some recency bias, but not too much. Otherwise I could just re-print nthe "Final Standings" section from above.

(Overall records include regular season games only.)

14. Pat Gawne (last year: 14th)

  • 2014: 5-8, 1181.86, 11th

  • Overall record: 29-49 (.372)

  • Average annual total: 1130.91

  • Best finish: 8th (2009)

  • Worst finish: 12th (2010, 2013)

  • Playoff appearances: 0

Pat brought up the rear in last year's version, and he didn't do enough to pass Richie.

NFL equivalent: Oakland Raiders.

13. Richie Armour (last year: 13th)

  • 2104: 6-7, 1193.30, 9th

  • Overall record: 13-26 (.333)

  • Average annual total: 1138.78

  • Best finish: 9th (2014)

  • Worst finish: 14th (2012)

  • Playoff appearances: 0

Richie's 2014 is the opposite of his 2013; this year, he started weak and finished strong.

NFL equivalent: A strong finish, making you think that maybe, just maybe, next year's the year? The St. Louis Rams.

12. Mike Schertz (last year: 12th)

  • 2014: 5-8, 1133.75, 13th

  • Overall record: 16-23 (.410)

  • Average annual total: 1176.20

  • Best finish: 9th (2012, 2013)

  • Worst finish: 13th (2014)

  • Playoff appearances: 0

Mike wasn't so much worse than Richie this year that he deserves to fall behind him.

NFL equivalent: A tease of a start, followed by a collapse, makes Schertz the Cleveland Browns.

11. Kevin Pattermann (last year: 10th)

  • 2014: 4-9, 1206.66, 14th

  • Overall record: 40-51 (.440)

  • Average annual total: 1250.41

  • Best finish: 5th (2009)

  • Worst finish: 14th (2014)

  • Playoff appearances: 2

Kevin hasn't made the playoffs in five years.

NFL equivalent: This one's easy: Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

10. Allen Clark (last year: 11th)

  • 2014: 6-7, 1147.57, 10th

  • Overall record: 44-47 (.484)

  • Average annual total: 1193.47

  • Best finish: 4th (2010)

  • Worst finish: 14th (2013)

  • Playoff appearances: 3

Allen improved from last year, but it would be hard not to. His record was better than his overall team quality suggested.

NFL equivalent: Minnesota Vikings.

9. Derrek Drenckpohl (last year: 5th)

  • 2014: 5-8, 1159.64, 12th

  • Overall record: 48-43 (.527)

  • Average annual total: 1231.62

  • Best finish: 3rd (2009, 2010)

  • Worst finish: 12th (2014)

  • Playoff appearances: 4

Derrek's now had two bad years in a row (his 7th-place finish last year masked an awful point total). But he remains ahead of Allen in the power rankings, at least.

NFL equivalent: Chicago Bears. The guy in charge even has Minnesota roots.

8. Mike Romor (last year: 8th)

  • 2014: 6-7, 1265.98, 7th

  • Overall record: 44-47 (.484)

  • Average annual total: 1286.93

  • Best finish: 5th (2013)

  • Worst finish: 11th (2010)

  • Playoff appearances: 2

Yes, Mike passes D, despite the latter having a stronger history. Yet, it's history. Mike's been better the past three years, and you have to go back to 2010 for his last bad season.

NFL equivalent: This is a tough one. I think I'll go with the San Diego Chargers, aways a solid franchise, but without much to show for it.

7. Dave (and Kyle) Fultz (last year: 10th)

  • 2014: 7-6, 1421.71, 6th

  • Overall record: 38-53 (.418)

  • Average annual total: 1274.04

  • Best finish: 4th (2013)

  • Worst finish: 12th (2011)

  • Playoff appearances: 2

This is another case of the recency bias coming into play. Like it or not, Dave's fielded one of the strongest Blingaleague teams over the past two years. And remember, he's the only one who actually gave Babel a challenge in this year's playoffs.

NFL equivalent: Indianapolis Colts; a playoff team, but still not consistent enough to do that much damage.

6. Ed Gross (last year: 3rd)

  • 2014: 6-7, 1258.88, 8th

  • Overall record: 52-39 (.571)

  • Average annual total: 1312.27

  • Best finish: 2nd (2010)

  • Worst finish: 8th (2014)

  • Playoff appearances: 6

Recency bias hurts me (though not as much as it hurt Derrek), but I stay in the top six due to a very impressive history (and the fact that I was still in the playoff hunt through week thirteen this year).

NFL equivalent: The New Orleans Saints, who are historically strong (recent vintage), went through a down year in 2014, but still had a shot at the playoffs late in the year.

5. Rob Gross (last year: 4th)

  • 2014: 8-5, 1337.35, 5th

  • Overall record: 49-42 (.538)

  • Average annual total: 1307.67

  • Best finish: 2nd (2013)

  • Worst finish: 13th (2012)

  • Playoff appearances: 5

Rob moving down in the rankings is not due to any shortcomings on his part, but rather a result of great years from Pulley and Babel.

NFL equivalent: Usually good, tends to have some disappointing playoff performances, employs Peyton Manning and Julius Thomas? The Denver Broncos are almost too easy a match.

4. Adam Pulley (last year: 6th)

  • 2014: 9-4, 1481.40, 3rd

  • Overall record: 45-46 (.495)

  • Average annual total: 1286.93

  • Best finish: 1st (2008)

  • Worst finish: 12th (2009)

  • Playoff appearances: 4

A second-straight third-place appearance pulls the Pullman ahead of his greatest rival.

NFL equivalent: That #1 seed would have been nice this year, no? The Green Bay Packers also feel that way.

3. Mark Babel (last year: 7th)

  • 2014: 7-6, 1407.53, 1st

  • Overall record: 48-43 (.527)

  • Average annual total: 1330.30

  • Best finish: 1st (2014)

  • Worst finish: 13th (2013)

  • Playoff appearances: 4

Everyone knows about Babel, but this year was finally a reward for some of the strongest historical performance we've had.

NFL equivalent: Playoff juggernaut, the 2012 Baltimore Ravens.

2. Nick "Rabbit" Warren (last year: 2nd)

  • 2014: 10-3, 1432.70, 2nd

  • Overall record: 61-30 (.670)

  • Average annual total: 1385.38

  • Best finish: 1st (2010, 2011)

  • Worst finish: 11th (2013)

  • Playoff appearances: 5

Still a top-of-the-line franchise, despite his Blingabowl loss. The best overall record and the best overall average.

NFL equivalent: The New England Patriots.

1. Matt Harrison (last year: 1st)

  • 2014: 7-6, 1318.81, 4th

  • Overall record: 53-38 (.582)

  • Average annual total: 1347.47

  • Best finish: 1st (2009, 2012, 2013)

  • Worst finish: 12th (2008)

  • Playoff appearances: 5

Matt's three Sanderson Cup wins trump Rabbit's two. (Matt has the second-best overall record.)

NFL equivalent: Pittsburgh Steelers.

Draft Lottery

The odds for getting the #1 overall pick are:

Kevin => 21.88%

Schertz => 15.71%

Derrek => 15.44%

Pat => 15.21%

Allen => 8.64%

Richie => 8.17%

Ed => 7.51%

Mike R. => 7.43%

Closing Thoughts

I feel like each year in the Blingaleague is better than the last. I also encourage everyone to get involved in the Google Hangout, it's been awesome (and a rivarly trophy even came out of it)!

Ed