"BLINGALEAGUE" - Kyle Fultz, in a best man speech.

Week One Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Keep Calm and Le'Veon (Babel) vs. a blinga-debACLe (Rob):

Babel leads all-time series, 5-3.

The Dickran Duel (played for the legendary Leon Redbone LP) headlines week one this season, though it appears to be quite one-sided.

Rob's already lost first-round pick Jordy Nelson. He's forced to play Benny Cunningham (vs. SEA) at RB.

While Babel might not have namesake Le'Veon Bell due to a suspension, he still has C.J. Anderson (vs. BAL), Randall Cobb (@CHI), and A.J. Green (vs. NYG).

Pick: Keep Calm and Le'Veon, despite Doug Martin (vs. TEN) getting the Leon Red-Boner award.

Other Blingamatches

Harrison Hammers (Matt) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat):

Matt leads all-time series, 4-3.

Drafting from the #1 slot, Pat has an intriguing team. How well will Adrian Peterson (@SF) rebound from a lost season? Will Jimmy Graham (@STL) be as awesome in a more run-based offense? Was Peyton Manning's (vs. BAL) late-season swoon the start of a new trend?

Matt has the quietly stalwart Lamar Miller (@WAS) in a juicy matchup. But outside of Julio Jones (vs. PHI) and Cam Newton (@JAC), his team isn't particularly inspiring.

Pick: Vinegar Strokes.

Live Commish (Ed) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley):

Ed leads all-time series, 4-3.

Pulley's got a pretty solid team, even if it's not particularly exciting. Ben Roethlisberger (@NE), Calvin Johnson (@SD), and Alfred Morris (vs. MIA) might have their best fantasy years behind them, but they certainly aren't finished. And throw in the Seattle defense (@STL), and he's a favorite here.

I loaded up on pass-catchers (Rob Gronkowski, vs. PIT; DeSean Jackson, vs. MIA; Emmanuel Sanders, vs. BAL; Golden Tate, @SD) at the expense of, well, everything else. Isaiah Crowell (@NYJ) and Bishop Sankey (@TB) aren't going to induce fear in anyone.

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R.) vs. BANGARANG RUFIO (Dave):

Dave leads all-time series, 4-3.

The Fultzes will be starting three Bengals (Jeremy Hill, Geovani Bernard, and Tyler Eifert); I guess playing @OAK is an enticing proposition. And Aaron Rodgers (@CHI), too? It looks good on paper.

But Bernie's got some high-upside plays of his own. Matt Ryan (vs. PHI) and Dez Bryant (vs. NYG) are certainly capable of lighting up the scoreboard, and Latavius Murray (vs. CIN) was very nearly kept by Dave!

Pick: BANGARANG RUFIO.

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz):

Kevin leads all-time series, 2-1.

These two have nowhere to go but up this year. I think both were happy with their first round picks, too; Kevin got Jamaal Charles (@HOU) at #3 and Juju got Antonio Brown (@NE) at #4. Both waited on QBs and got some high-upside players, with Matthew Stafford (@SD) going for Kevin and Sam Bradford (@ATL) going for Schertz.

One of these two won't start the season on a losing streak, that's for sure.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 6-3.

Did anyone else forget that Rabs finished 10-3 and won the regular-season crown last year? Or that Derrek was putting up the lowest point total of the year up until the very end?

This year, D kept Andrew Luck (@BUF) and drafted Matt Forte (vs. GB). Rabs kept Marshawn Lynch (@STL) and snagged Drew Brees (@ARI) later. With LeSean McCoy (vs. IND) and Frank Gore (@BUF) going against each other in two ways this week, I can see this matchup ending up extremely close.

Pick: D's Nuts.

DICK ARMOUR (Richie) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen):

Allen leads all-time series, 3-0.

Allen has the advantage at QB (Russell Wilson, @STL, over Eli Manning, @DAL) and at RB1 (Eddie Lacy, @CHI, over DeMarco Murray, @ATL), but Richie has it at WR (Odell Beckham Jr., @DAL, and Alshon Jeffery, vs. GB, over Sammy Watkins, vs. IND, and Torrey Smith, vs. MIN).

Julian Edelman (vs. PIT) is the mystery man in this matchup. If he plays, Richie probably has the upper hand; if not, I'd bet on Allen.

Pick: DICK ARMOUR.

Some Other Predictions

Rob will trade Ryan Tannehill by midseason.

Babel has the clear best team and will start the season at least 5-1, but a key player will struggle with injuries and he'll enter the playoffs feeling beatable.

At least one of Matt, Rabbit, or Pulley will win less than six games.

League Dues

For those of you who haven't paid me, please send $40 to 3514 N. Leavitt, Chicago, IL 60618 as soon as you can.

Closing Thoughts

Three separate life events to announce!

Dave married Alyssa this past weekend and is currently enjoying his honeymoon.

Kevin got engaged to Kelly and will be getting married next year.

Allen and Erin are expecting a baby this January.

Congrats to all!

Your Commish

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