The Sanderson Gazette - 2015-09-16 - Que Fantastico

One big upset, but an otherwise uneventful week in the Blingaleague.

Week One Recap

Rob def. Babel, 105.31-97.20:

Rob scored a big upset over Babel in the first offical Dickran Duel. Tom Brady (28.50 for Rob) and Tony Romo (25.70 for Babel) canceled each other out for the most part, which meant DeAndre Hopkins and his 27.07 points could be a true difference maker. The Red-Boner award was awarded to C.J. Anderson, who managed a meager 5.43 for the losing side.

Pulley def. Ed, 122.65-94.35:

Rob Gronkowksi's 30.53 points put me in a very good position Thursday night, but Travis Kelce scored 26.13 of his own to counter that. This game was within six points heading into Monday night's action, and a late Cody Parkey (5.00) miss gave me hope. But Carlos Hyde's big night (30.67) turned this into a comfortable win for the Pullman.

Dave def. Mike R., 143.15-90.27:

Only three of Dave's starters scored less than ten points, with Tyler Eifert (25.87) and the Carolina defense (21.00) having particularly awesome weeks. Mike had an OK game, but will lose first-round pick Dez Bryant (6.40) for a good chunk of the season now.

Schertz def. Kevin, 122.19-75.60:

The biggest benefactor of Bryant's injury might be JuJu, who already has one 20.00-point game from Jason Witten in the books. Antonio Brown added 22.73 more, but Mike's special teamers, Brandon McManus (18.00) and the Jets defense (17.00), made this a special week. Kevin was led by Jamaal Charles's 17.83 points.

Richie def. Allen, 98.58-88.16:

Despite Richie's negativity, he had a rather good week. The Miami defense put up 15.00, and DeMarco Murray added 14.37. If your lowest scorer puts up 5.87 (Odell Beckham, Jr.), you'll usually be OK. Meanwhile, Allen got 1.47 from Torrey Smith and a non-injury 0.00 from Sammy Watkins.

Matt def. Pat, 104.98-76.98:

Matt looked to be in trouble until Julio Jones put up 30.80 on Monday night. Even then, Pat could have pulled ahead with a big Adrian Peterson game, but the Vikings' RB could only muster 5.90 points. Playing Mike Evans despite him being inactive didn't help Mr. Gawne.

Rabbit def. Derrek, 87.11-65.49:

Two 0.67s (Owen Daniels and Nelson Agholor) really sums up D's week. Rabs should be glad to escape with this win.

Current Standings

  1. Dave, 1-0, 143.15

  2. Pulley, 1-0, 122.65

  3. Schertz, 1-0, 122.19

  4. Rob, 1-0, 105.31

  5. Matt, 1-0, 104.98

  6. Richie, 1-0, 98.58

  7. Rabbit, 1-0, 87.11

  8. Babel, 0-1, 97.20

  9. Ed, 0-1, 94.35

  10. Mike R., 0-1, 90.27

  11. Allen, 0-1, 88.16

  12. Pat, 0-1, 76.98

  13. Kevin, 0-1, 75.60

  14. Derrek, 0-1, 65.49

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Just like week one last year, Dave takes home Team Blangums. This time, he scored 143.15.

Slapped Heartbeat: Derrek's 65.49 can only make us wonder if last year was the start of a trend.

Weekly MVP: Both Julio Jones (30.80 for Matt) and Carlos Hyde (30.67 for Pulley) provided clutch Monday night performances. I'll use the 0.13 points as a margin for Jones.

Dud of the week: While Sammy Watkins's healthy 0.00 is tempting, I'll give this to DeSean Jackson, who not only matched the zero, but is now also out for at least three weeks.

Start of the Week: Rob wasn't tempted by Devin Funchess (1.47), instead playing Brandon Coleman (11.47). The ten points was important, as he won by less than nine.

Week Two Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 1-0, 1st) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 1-0, 3rd):

Dave leads all-time series, 3-0.

Schertz might be in decent shape to get his first win against the Fultzes. Jason Witten and Julius Randle (both @PHI) should benefit from Dez Bryant's injury, and if they turn that game into a shootout, Sam Bradford (vs. DAL) should also do well.

Dave has much more invested in the Bengals-Chargers game. Jeremy Hill, Geovani Bernard, Tyler Eifert (all vs. SD), and Keenan Allen (@CIN) will look to repeat their Blangums-driving week.

The key here could be how well Aaron Rodgers (vs. SEA) performs against a tough pass defense.

Pick: schertzopotamus.

Other Blingamatches

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 1-0, 2nd) vs. DICK ARMOUR (Richie, 1-0, 6th):

Pulley leads all-time series, 2-1.

Defenses could explode here, with Richie sending out the Dolphins (@JAC) and Pulley starting the Titans (@CLE). If they cancel each other out, how about Pulley's two potential keepers? Adam did keep Carlos Hyde (@PIT), but he let Jonathan Stewart (vs. HOU) go, and Richie drafted the latter. Will Pulley rue his decision in week two?

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 1-0, 5th) vs. Keep Calm & Le'Veon (Babel, 0-1, 8th):

Matt leads all-time series, 6-2.

It should make you realize how impressive Dave, Schertz, Pulley, and Richie were in week one to push this clash of Blingatitans down this far. But enough about last week; Matt should get a good week out of Lamar Miller (@JAC) and Julio Jones (@NYG), while Babel can expect solid production from A.J. Green (vs. SD) and Tony Romo (@PHI).

Pick: Keep Calm and Le'Veon.

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 0-1, 10th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 1-0, 7th):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 5-3.

Rabs is 1-0, but didn't look pretty getting there. This week, he'll be without T.Y. Hilton, so perhaps Donte Moncrief (vs. NYJ) can step up? Bernie's best option could be Mark Ingram (vs. TAM).

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

a blinga-debACLe (Rob, 1-0, 4th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 0-1, 11th):

All-time series tied, 4-4.

Russell Wilson (@GB) should bounce back for Dr. Clark, whereas Rob will have to rely on either Ryan Tannehill (@JAC) or Tom Brady (@BUF). While neither of Rob's choices at QB sounds that bad, the rest of his team looks a bit less impressive. Of course, Allen's not exactly looking like our next Team Blangums...

Pick: Optimus Prime.

Live Commish (Ed, 0-1, 9th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 0-1, 13th):

Ed leads all-time series, 6-4.

Watch for a pair of Chargers - Danny Woodhead (Ed) and Melvyn Gordon (Kevin) - and how they get carries at Cincinnati. Outside of that, Jamaal Charles (vs. DEN) will probably have to score in the twenties to bring Kevin a victory.

Pick: Live Commish.

Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 0-1, 12th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 0-1, 14th):

Derrek leads all-time series, 5-1.

At least one of these guys will avoid an 0-2 start.

Pick: Vinegar Strokes.

Closing Thoughts

Come join us in the chat. Babel and Bernie's repartee is not to be missed!

Ed