The Sanderson Gazette - 2015-09-23 - As You Wish
Richie: I have lost four years of my life to this [Eagles-Cowboys] game.
Rob: Is it like that machine from The Princess Bride?
Richie: No, that machine would be a warm welcome.
Richie: At least we knew that machine stopped at fifty.
Richie: Who knows where this game will take me.
Week Two Recap
Schertz def. Dave, 94.00-88.95:
Dave dubbed Schertz a "one-man team", and you know what? He's not really far off. Antonio Brown scored 34.00 points, joining only Schertz's defense (Jets, 14.00) in double digits. The Fultzes got 22.75 from Aaron Rodgers and 19.47 from Brandon Marshall, but fell just short of a 2-0 start.
Allen def. Rob, 85.73-82.85:
For a while, it looked like Rob might have nabbed the closest victory (0.12 points) in Blingaleague history. But then the Jets reached 17 points, and Allen got the win. Torrey Smith (24.00) and Russell Wilson (22.10) led the way for Allen, while Ryan Tannehill (25.65) was the high scorer for Rob.
Pulley def. Richie, 117.01-105.19:
Ben Roethlisberger scored 34.35 for the Pullman, overcoming Richie's fantastic WR day. Mr. Armour got 26.13 from Julian Edelman and 25.47 from Odell Beckham, Jr., but left his best WR on the bench; Larry Fitzgerald's 32.93 would have made a big difference in this one.
Derrek def. Pat, 82.17-72.40:
Pat pulled ahead for a bit on Monday night, thanks to Eric Decker's 18.93 and Chris Ivory's 6.10. But Andrew Luck (10.90) got a TD pass, and D took a lead he wouldn't relinquish. Allen Robinson (32.67) led all scorers (for Derrek) in this matchup.
Mike R. def. Rabbit, 110.39-90.86:
Donte Moncrief's 22.27 on Monday night made this one look much closer than it was. Bernie overcame a zero from Roddy White, with Dion Lewis scoring 21.07 and the Arizona defense putting up 17.00. Rabs got a zero of his own in Michael Floyd.
Ed def. Kevin, 138.26-105.80:
I had Team Blangums wrapped up by 4:00 on Sunday thanks to four twenty-point scorers: Colin Kaepernick (24.85), Emmanuel Sanders (23.60), Rob Gronkowski (21.07), and the Denver defense (21.00). Kevin takes a tough loss, led by Matthew Stafford's 21.30 and Doug Baldwin's 18.27.
Matt def. Babel, 100.45-74.96:
Matt had an all-around solid game, with Cam Newton (27.35) leading the way. Babel's leading scorer was Randall Cobb, with a relatively modest 15.47.
Current Standings
Pulley, 2-0, 239.66
Schertz, 2-0, 216.19
Matt, 2-0, 205.43
Ed, 1-1, 232.61
Dave, 1-1, 232.10
Richie, 1-1, 203.77
Mike R., 1-1, 200.66
Rob, 1-1, 188.16
Rabbit, 1-1, 177.97
Allen, 1-1, 173.89
Derrek, 1-1, 147.66
Kevin, 0-2, 181.40
Babel, 0-2, 172.16
Pat, 0-2, 149.38
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Two weeks, two winners with fairly large margins; Ed took week two's Team Blangums with 138.26.
Slapped Heartbeat: Pat's 72.40 barely edges Babel this week.
Weekly MVP: Antonio Brown's 34.00 is why Schertz drafted him fourth overall. Ben Roethlisberger's 34.35 is why Pulley kept him. They'll take co-MVP this week.
Dud of the week: Adam Vinatieri's 0.00 for Dave keeps his full-season score at a robust -1.00.
Start of the Week: Allen (wait, really?) played Jordan Reed's 10.93 over Ladarius Green's 6.27, and won by 2.88 points.
Misplay of the Week: With all due respect to Richie, who left Larry Fitzgerald (32.93) on the bench in favor of Tevin Coleman (9.20), Rob gets this. Pick one of LeGarrette Blount (0.40) or Ryan Tannehill (25.65); had Rob played either Benny Cunningham (3.60), Bilal Powell (5.93), or Tom Brady (30.90) in place of either of them, he'd be 2-0 right now.
Week Three Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 2-0, 1st) vs. Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 1-1, 5th):
Dave leads all-time series, 6-3.
Yahoo! projects Dave to win this one by 0.02 points. And while the favorite's second week was underwhelming, he does have one Blangums under his belt. This week, will Brandon Marshall stay rejuvenated at Detroit? Will Aaron Rodgers do well vs. Kansas City? Will the Patriots have a big game vs. Jacksonville?
For Pulley, will Ben Roethlisberger have more TDs or sacks at St. Louis? Will Calvin Johnson finally emerge vs. Denver? And just how many points can the Seattle defense score vs. the Bears?
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Other Blingamatches
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 2-0, 3rd) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 1-1, 9th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 8-3.
These two have five Sanderson Cups between them and three wins so far this year, but neither seems as intimidating as in past years. Julio Jones (@DAL) has been awesome for Matt, but the rest of his team has just been fine. But he is 2-0, which is not something you can say about Rabs. Nick's should-be stars have not delivered yet, but is this finally the week Drew Brees (@CAR), Marshawn Lynch (vs. CHI), and LeSean McCoy (@MIA) break through?
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
schertzopotamus (Schertz, 2-0, 2nd) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 1-1, 10th):
JuJu's got a nice-looking team, but then again, we said this last year as he started 5-1. This year, things look even more promising. Antonio Brown (@STL) has crushed it both weeks, but the rest of Mike's team has been only mediocre. And unfortunately, his underperforming QB, Sam Bradford, visits the Jets' excellent defense this week. Meanwhile, Allen has to love Russell Wilson vs. Chicago, but he'd better do something about Eddie Lacy before the games start.
Pick: Optimus Prime.
Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 1-1, 7th) vs. a blinga-debACLe (Rob, 1-1, 8th):
Rob leads all-time series, 5-2.
Bernie's 1-1, coming off an excellent week. Rob's 1-1, coming off a rather disappointing one. Rob has Tom Brady (vs. JAC), which might be enough, especially if his Patriots' RB, (LeGarrette Blount, vs. JAC) gets more carries than Mike's (Dion Lewis, vs. JAC).
Pick: a blinga-debACLe.
Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 1-1, 6th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 0-2, 12th):
Richie leads all-time series, 2-1.
Remember when we were all fairly impressed by Kevin's post-draft roster? A lot of good that did him. Now, he's relying on Matthew Stafford vs. a very good Broncos defense. Meanwhile, Richie's team has been firing on all cylinders. Can Julian Edelman (vs. JAC) and Larry Fitzgerald (vs. SF) keep it up, though? I will say, I love his new team name.
Pick: Dread Pirate Kelly.
Keep Calm and Le'Veon (Babel, 0-2, 13th): vs. D's Nuts (1-1, 11th):
Babel leads all-time series, 4-3.
Raise your hand if you thought Babel would be 0-2. C.J. Anderson (@DET) has been a good symbol of his season so far: unable to reach expectations. Derrek could be the cure to what ails him, though; D is dead last in points through two weeks. But Andrew Luck (@TEN) can't stay shitty for very long, can he?
Pick: Keep Calm and Le'Veon.
Live Commish (Ed, 1-1, 4th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 0-2, 14th):
Ed leads all-time series, 6-0.
My team's been very solid so far, already netting be a Blangums. Rob Gronkowski (vs. JAC) should carry on his high-scoring ways, too. Pat can expect great things from Adrian Peterson (vs. SD) and Jimmy Graham (vs. CHI), though; but will Eric Decker's injury prove to be fatal? Given the way this season has gone, it would be fitting for me to finally lose to Mr. Gawne.
Pick: Vinegar Strokes.
Closing Thoughts
Come join us in the chat. You'll get The Land Before Time and The Princess Bride references to your heart's content!
Ed