The Sanderson Gazette - 2015-09-30 - High and Mighty

Thanks to a wild Monday night, this week comes in as the sixth-highest-scoring of all time.

Week Three Recap

Kevin def. Richie, 102.87-101.41:

A late Jamaal Charles (27.30) touchdown allowed Kevin to claim the 26th-closest game in Blingaleague history. Richie got 29.87 from Larry Fitzgerald and 20.65 from Carson Palmer, almost enabling him to win with two zeroes (Vernon Davis and Robbie Gould). But Charles and Greg Olsen (29.87) got Kevin his first victory of the year.

Pulley def. Dave, 152.67-131.31:

Adam moved to 3-0 on the season at the expense of a tough loss for the Fultz Brothers. Steve Smith, Sr., scored 36.80 and the Seahawks defense (21.00) pitched a shutout, keeping the Pullman at the top of the standings. Dave wasted 37.25 from Aaron Rodgers in the loss.

Mike R. def. Rob, 116.68-113.30:

Rob lost his second straight game by less than four points, despite one of the best garbage-time games of all time from LeGarrette Blount (27.67). Bernie got 30.00 from his defense, offsetting Roddy White's 0.00.

Matt def. Rabbit, 160.19-83.61:

Umm, Matt's back, guys. Cam Newton, 32.05; Julio Jones, 33.87; Chris Johnson, 28.33. Only Kyle Rudolph's 1.87 looks weak for the Hammers. Rabs, meanwhile, is off to his worst start in quite some time. When your kicker (Stephen Gostkowski, 17.00) is your high scorer, it's not a good sign.

Babel def. Derrek, 155.50-67.24:

Babel's on his way back, too. C.J. Anderson (3.00) continued his disappointing season, but that was about all that went wrong for Mark. Randall Cobb and Jeremy Maclin scored 31.33 and 24.80 on Monday night, respectively, putting him within shouting distance of Team Blangums. And oh, A.J. Green scored a whopping 42.27. Derrek did get 21.67 from Frank Gore in this matchup.

Schertz def. Allen, 94.57-85.69:

When Eddie Lacy (10.07) put up some early points, it looked like Allen would move to 2-1. But the Packers rested their star RB in the second half of Monday night's game, and JuJu could breathe a sigh of relief. Mike got 29.10 from Joseph Randle, while Allen got 21.47 from Reuben Randle, which has to be the highest Randle game in Blingaleague history.

Pat def. Ed, 95.17-70.39:

Pat got his first ever win against yours truly in convincing fashion. While Pat's team - led by Adrian Peterson (24.60) and Peyton Manning (21.10) - didn't have a great week, it was more than enough to put me away. My high scorer was my defense (Denver, 16.00) - woof.

Current Standings

  1. Pulley, 3-0, 392.33

  2. Matt, 3-0, 365.62

  3. Schertz, 3-0, 310.76

  4. Mike R., 2-1, 317.34

  5. Dave, 1-2, 363.41

  6. Babel, 1-2, 326.96

  7. Richie, 1-2, 305.18

  8. Ed, 1-2, 304.00

  9. Rob, 1-2, 301.46

  10. Kevin, 1-2, 284.27

  11. Rabbit, 1-2, 261.58

  12. Allen, 1-2, 259.58

  13. Pat, 1-2, 244.55

  14. Derrek, 1-2, 214.90

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Matt's 160.19 is the 14th-highest score of all time.

Slapped Heartbeat: Davante Adams's early injury meant that D stayed at 67.24, the low score for this week.

Weekly MVP: A lot of high scores, but none higher than A.J. Green's 42.27 for Mr. Babel.

Dud of the week: Any sort of field goal from Robbie Gould would have gotten Richie a win; instead, the Bears kicker - like his real-life team - scored zero.

Start of the Week: Kevin and Mike R. both won close games, but both actually could have done better. So no Start of the Week will be awarded this week.

Misplay of the Week: Richie and Rob both lost close games, but neither reall had any plays you could criticize without 20/20 hindsight. So no Misplay of the Week will be awarded this week.

Week Four Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 3-0, 1st) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 3-0, 2nd):

Pulley leads all-time series, 5-3.

Number one vs. number two - it doesn't get any better than this.

Pulley just made a huge trade, acquiring Tom Brady (BYE) to replace the injured Ben Roethlisberger (vs. BAL). But Brady's on bye, and rather than play Alex Smith (@CIN), he made a waiver claim for Ryan Mallett (@ATL). But that's not his worst news; oh no - he had to drop Cody Parkey (IR) and pick up a different kicker. What a nightmare.

Matt, meanwhile, has Julio Jones (vs. HOU).

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Other Blingamatches

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 2-1, 4th) vs. Keep Calm and Le'Veon (Babel, 1-2, 6th):

Mike R. leads all-time series, 5-4.

Bernie's coming off a big trade of his own, nabbing Emmanuel Sanders (vs. MIN) and Leonard Hankerson (vs. HOU) from Ed. He still might have to start Eddie Royal (vs. OAK), though. Meanwhile, Babel has Le'Veon Bell (vs. BAL), A.J. Green (vs. KC), and Randall Cobb (@SF).

Pick: Keep Calm and Le'Veon.

Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 1-2, 7th) vs. Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 1-2, 5th):

Dave leads all-time series, 2-1.

Both of these guys are coming off tough losses. Richie, because he suffered a Monday night comeback, and Dave, because he scored 130 points and lost. Richie's been riding Larry Fitzgerald (vs. STL). Dave's been riding Aaron Rodgers (@SF). I know who I'd trust more, there.

Pick: Super Bash Bros.

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 1-2, 10th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 1-2, 12th):

All-time series tied, 4-4.

Kevin got his first win in epic style; will Jamaal Charles (@CIN) make it a streak? Unlike Kev, Allen couldn't close out on Monday night, but hopes Eddie Lacy (@SF) and Russell Wilson (vs. DET) can get him the W this time around.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 1-2, 11th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 3-0, 3rd):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 3-0.

Will Drew Brees (vs. DAL)? What about Marshawn Lynch (vs. DET)? Those two questions are critical for Nick. JuJu's got Joseph Randle (@NO) ready to go, and Antonio Brown (vs. BAL) is probably QB-proof.

Pick: schertzopotamus.

Live Commish (Ed, 1-2, 8th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 1-2, 14th):

Ed leads all-time series, 6-4.

I might have just lost to Pat for the first time ever, but I feel good about my team. Acquiring Latavius Murray (@CHI) and Matt Jones (vs. PHI) the past two weeks - via trade and waivers, respectively - helps a lot in that area. Playing Derrek's struggling squad helps, as well. D'll hope that Andrew Luck (vs. JAC) and Matt Forte (vs. OAK) carry his team this week.

Pick: Live Commish.

where do farts go (Rob, 1-2, 9th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 1-2, 13th):

Rob leads all-time series, 5-1.

Adrian Peterson (@DEN) faces his toughest test of the season for Pat, while Rob just traded Tom Brady for a QB that won't play for at least four more weeks (Ben Roethlisberger, vs. BAL).

Pick: Vinegar Strokes.

Closing Thoughts

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Eddo