The Sanderson Gazette - 2015-10-07 - Tough
Usually, after four weeks, I'll do a "What can we expect from" or "What have we learned about" issue. But this year, one, it's late, and two, I'm not sure we've learned anything so far.
Week Four Recap
Matt def. Pulley, 58.24-57.50:
I can't remember a crazier finish (and yes, I remember last year's Babel-Dave quarterfinal match). Pulley was down by less than two points, and Calvin Johnson (5.47) was heading for the end zone. Alas, he fumbled at the goal line, and Matt won by 0.74 (the fourteenth-closest margin ever)... and avoided the Slapped Heartbeat by 0.74.
Rabbit def. Schertz, 70.68-70.28:
And yet, that 0.74 wasn't even the closest game of the week. Rabs needed 6.11 from Fred Jackson (6.50) on Monday night. Well, Jackson got it, and then immediately got injured, avoiding any possibility of losing the critical points. Schertz couldn't get to his 4-0 start, mainly thanks to Arian Foster (2.33) and Antonio Brown (5.60) having very disappointing games.
Mike R. def. Babel, 119.87-105.06:
Last week, Bernie's strongest player was the Arizona defense. This week, they got zero points, but Mike won anyway. New acquisition Leonard Hankerson led the way with 19.73 points. Babel did get 21.70 from Le'Veon Bell, but still took a tough loss.
Rob def. Pat, 129.49-86.56:
Maybe giving up Tom Brady was a good thing? Devonta Freeman - acquired in that deal - scored 35.60 points for Mr. Roundhouse, which pretty much sealed this victory. Pat got 22.60 from Chris Ivory, but that wasn't enough is this overall dud of a week.
Kevin def. Allen, 83.83-58.51:
Did I say this week was a dud? Well, it was. Week four was the third-lowest scoring week in Blingaleague history. Only four teams broke the hundred-point barrier, so Kevin's 83.83 doesn't look quite so bad. Meanwhile, Allen's 58.51 wasn't even the second-lowest score this week. Jamaal Charles scored 16.83 as the high scorer in this one.
Dave def. Richie, 121.77-78.17:
Ah, here's our last hundred-point scorer! Dave's team is rounding into form, thanks to Jeremy Hill's 24.00 and Brandon Marshall's 17.07. Richie got 17.00 from the Carolina defense, but none of his running backs (Jonathan Stewart, 5.00; DeMarco Murray, 5.20; Thomas Rawls, 4.67) broke the six-point mark.
Ed def. Derrek, 79.87-67.48:
Derrek failed to break seventy for the third time in four weeks, which meant my meager 79.87 was good for a win. The Atlanta defense (20.00) - who cares about the Broncos? - was my high scorer, while Derrek did get two touchdowns from Ted Ginn, Jr. (14.40).
Current Standings
Matt, 4-0, 423.86
Pulley, 3-1, 449.83
Mike R., 3-1, 437.21
Schertz, 3-1, 381.04
Dave, 2-2, 485.18
Rob, 2-2, 430.95
Ed, 2-2, 383.87
Kevin, 2-2, 368.1
Rabbit, 2-2, 332.26
Babel, 1-3, 432.02
Richie, 1-3, 383.35
Pat, 1-3, 331.11
Allen, 1-3, 318.09
Derrek, 1-3, 282.38
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Rob's 129.49 is his first Team Blangums since week twelve of last year, and his sixth overall.
Slapped Heartbeat: Pulley! Wait, Pulley? Yeah, Pulley. 57.50 points.
Weekly MVP: Devonta Freeman's 35.40 takes this for Rob.
Dud of the week: Pulley already knew no one could take the place of Cody Parkey, but a zero from Caleb Sturgis? Even that was unexpected.
Start of the Week: Matt took a risk and played Ameer Abdullah (4.77) against Seattle over Lamar Miller (3.93) against the Jets. He was rewarded with an extra 0.84 points in a 0.74-point victory.
Misplay of the Week: If only Pulley had played Alex Smith! The KC QB scored 16.80 on Adam's bench, while Ryan Mallet scored 5.50 in his lineup.
Pickup of the Week: While I would have won had I still had the Denver defense (10.00 for Dave), the Atlanta defense's 20.00 was pretty crucial this week.
Week Five Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Live Commish (Ed, 2-2, 7th) vs. Harrison Hammers (4-0, Matt, 1st):
Matt leads all-time series, 6-4.
Yes, our Blingamatch of the Week involves Jameis Winston playing quarterback. But look at this week's slate - this game is the only one where both teams are in the top half of the league.
Anyway, Jameis (vs. JAC) alone puts Matt in a hole, but Julio Jones plays Washington, which should balance Winston out a bit. But who will play tight end for Matt? (Though it's not like Kyle Rudolph (BYE) was doing much.)
Meanwhile, I'll be keeping the Atlanta defense (vs. WAS) and actually playing other trade acquisition Andy Dalton (vs. SEA) this week. And I get Rob Gronkowski (@DAL) back. I kind of like my chances.
Pick: Live Commish.
Other Blingamatches
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 3-1, 2nd) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 2-2, 9th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 4-3.
Pulley has shiny new toy Tom Brady (@DAL) to play with, though his top two WRs (Calvin Johnson (vs. ARI) and Amari Cooper (vs. DEN)) take on some tough defenses. Meanwhile, Nick will probably play Allen Hurns (@TAM) this week, as he comes off a twenty-plus-point game.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 3-1, 3rd) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 1-3, 12th):
Mike R. leads all-time series, 4-3.
Adrian Peterson AND Chris Ivory are on bye for Pat. Uh oh.
Pick: Bernie's Bullies.
D's Nuts (Derrek, 1-3, 14th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 3-1, 4th):
Derrek leads all-time series, 2-1.
Schertz isn't particularly strong for a 3-1 team (let alone a 4-0 team, had he held on last week), but let's talk about Derrek. He's only broken seventy points once this year, and even then, he only scored 82.17. He's on pace for 917 total points on the season, which would shatter the all-time lowest total (997.63, Pat, 2012).
Pick: schertzopotamus.
Keep Calm & Le'Veon (Babel, 1-3, 10th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-2, 8th):
Kevin leads all-time series, 4-3.
Kevin's won two in a row, but Babel's team still looks the best on paper. That said, did anyone think he'd have three losses right now? Le'Veon Bell (@SD) is back, and picked up last week where last year left off, but A.J. Green has a tough matchup against Seattle. Kevin can hope for a big week by Jamaal Charles vs. the Bears, though.
Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.
Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 2-2, 5th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 1-3, 13th):
Allen leads all-time series, 6-2.
Dave's team has been called "scary" (and that's in a good way). And when he trots out Aaron Rodgers (vs. STL) and Demaryius Thomas (@OAK), it's hard to argue. Allen needs to scour the waiver wire for some depth some time soon, though, because he can't keep starting Tre Mason (@GB) now that Todd Gurley is healthy.
Pick: Super Bash Bros.
Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 1-3, 11th) vs. Pissy Lil Shitstorm (Rob, 2-2, 6th):
Richie leads all-time series, 2-1.
Richie could have been 3-0 if he'd played Larry Fitzgerald in week two and survived a late Kevin comeback in week three, but instead, he's 1-3. His wide receivers are still something amazing, though: Odell Beckham, Jr. (vs. SF), Larry Fitzgerald (@DET), and Julian Edelman (@DAL) are probably the strongest corps in the league. Rob has Devonta Freeman (vs. WAS), but also is starting Blake Bottles, er, Bortles (@TAM).
Pick: Dread Pirate Kelly.
Closing Thoughts
It would be hard to do worse than last week, but let's not push it.
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