The Sanderson Gazette - 2015-10-22 - Routine Questions
"Chip Kelly's ego is so large, his fantasy naked women can only be created by his own mind and in magnetic ink medium." - Mark Babel
Week Six Recap
Rob def. Ed, 142.68-83.31:
This one was close for a little while, if you can believe it. Then DeAndre Hopkins (31.73) and Gary Barnidge (17.20) happened. Throw in Devonta Freeman's 29.47 from Thursday night, and it wound up being a laugher.
Schertz def. Babel, 90.90-81.05:
JuJu got merely 11.20 from Sam Bradford on Monday night, but it was enough to pull ahead of our reigning champ. Babel got 30.15 from Philip Rivers and 16.40 from Julius Thomas, but no one else hit double figures for him.
Richie def. Pat, 116.76-100.98:
Chris Ivory (27.27) nearly won this single-handedly for Pat, but Richie countered with 25.60 from Alshon Jeffery and an otherwise really solid week to move to .500 on the year.
Dave def. Matt, 129.08-107.96:
Jordan Cameron and James Jones might have scored perfect 10.00s for Matt, but that wasn't enough to avoid his second straight loss. For Dave, only Josh Brown (1.00) failed to reach the ten-point mark, with Keenan Allen (20.93) leading the way.
Derrek def. Kevin, 108.94-101.40:
Derrek finally broke 100, and he definitely needed it this week. Andrew Luck (28.10) finally came through in a big way, and Matt Forte and Allen Robinson added 17.57 and 17.47, respectively. Kevin got 26.15 from spot-started Brian Hoyer, but couldn't get enough Monday night to overtake D.
Pulley def. Mike R., 126.43-88.71:
The Game of the Blingaweek turned into a rather boring contest, with Pulley winning comfortably. Calvin Johnson's big game (28.13) played into that, as did the Arizona defense (0.00) laying an egg for Bernie.
Rabbit def. Allen, 95.04-84.83:
Nick pulled up to .500 on the year, getting 18.80 from Drew Brees and 15.87 from T.Y. Hilton. Allen got 18.80 from Torrey Smith, but fell short of pulling the upset.
Current Standings
Pulley, 5-1, 689.34
Matt, 4-2, 619.44
Mike R., 4-2, 606.46
Schertz, 4-2, 556.92
Rob, 3-3, 704.95
Dave, 3-3, 698.77
Richie, 3-3, 632.95
Ed, 3-3, 573.83
Rabbit, 3-3, 531.96
Derrek, 3-3, 488.81
Babel, 2-4, 630.99
Kevin, 2-4, 544.83
Allen, 2-4, 495.58
Pat, 1-5, 469.13
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Rob's 14.68 earns him his second $10 prize of the season.
Slapped Heartbeat: Babel's 81.05 is a really strong score to be the lowest of the week.
Weekly MVP: DeAndre Hopkins (31.73) broke the thirty-point barrier for Rob.
Dud of the week: Babel needed every point he could get, and the Bills defense (-4.00) took some off the table.
Start of the Week: Richie played it safe and started Alshon Jeffery (25.60) over Odell Beckham, Jr. (14.13).
Week Seven Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 3-3, 6th) vs. Bent Over by Beckham (Rob, 3-3, 5th):
Dave leads all-time series, 5-4.
Why is a game between two 3-3 teams the Game of the Blingaweek?
Points. Rob and Dave are our top two point-scorers on the season, and are each on pace for over 1500 points for the year.
Where would that rank all-time?
Only 2010 Rabbit (15.47.45), 2013 Matt (1518.61), and 2012 Matt (1513.04) have broken 1500 points. Rob is on pace to break Rabbit's record.
Is it fair that one of these two will be sub-.500 this time next week?
No.
Pick: Bent Over by Beckham.
Other Blingamatches
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 5-1, 1st) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 4-2, 4th):
Pulley leads all-time series, 2-1.
Is Pulley also on pace for a 1500-point season?
No, as of right now, he'd fall just short.
Can JuJu actuall beat Adam?
Yes, he can. Schertz's point total might not reflect his record (one of four teams over .500), but his team is certainly capable of busting out. Antonio Brown (@KC) and Arian Foster (@MIA) are always dangerous, and the Jets defense (@NE) is formidable. Though they do play the Patriots this week, and Pulley has Tom Brady (vs. NYJ)...
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Keep Calm and Le'Veon (Babel, 2-4, 11th) vs. Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 3-3, 7th):
Babel leads all-time series, 2-1.
What's wrong with Babel's team?
Is C.J. Anderson (bye) too easy an answer? The disappointing Denver RB is a part of it, as is the Tony Romo (@NYG) injury. But it's a bit more complex, as Mark's had a couple tough losses and underperforming players at the worst times.
Is Richie for real?
With his WRs, yes. Odell Beckham, Jr. (vs. DAL) picked up where he left off, Julian Edelman (vs. NYJ) has been amazingly consistent, and Larry Fitzgerald (vs. BAL) is enjoying a career renaissance. Throw in Alshon Jeffery (bye) on his bench, and no one in the league can match up with Richie's corps.
Who talks more shit about Chip Kelly?
It's a tie.
Pick: Dread Pirate Kelly.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 4-2, 2nd) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 2-4, 13th):
Matt leads all-time series, 4-3.
How does Matt not have a better record against Allen?
Matt runs one of the premier Blingaleague franchises, and Allen, well, doesn't. But remember who usually is making Allen's picks for him on draft day: Mr. Harrison.
Just how good is Matt this year, anyway?
A 4-2 record speaks for itself, mostly, but Matt is on a two-game losing streak. And look at his roster; there aren't any big holes, but after Julio Jones (@TEN), no one jumps out at you as a great strength.
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 4-2, 3rd) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 3-3, 10th):
Mike R. leads all-time series, 5-4.
Is Derrek still historically bad?
He's 3-3, so clearly not. But he's also still on pace to break 1100 points. This is starting to look like 2013, where D won seven games with the third-lowest point total. Andrew Luck (vs. NO) could have something to say, however.
Does Mike's team have a strength?
Not really, but like Matt, he also doesn't have any holes. Mark Ingram (@IND), Dion Lewis (vs. NYJ), and Danny Woodhead (vs. OAK) are solid RBs, Matt Ryan (@TEN) is a good QB, and Emmanuel Sanders (bye) gives him a very good WR.
Pick: D's Nuts.
The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-4, 12th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 1-5, 14th):
Pat leads all-time series, 5-1.
Has Pat been officially eliminated yet?
It's only week seven, so no. And a loss here wouldn't mathematically clinch anything, but it would all but mean Pat won't make the playoffs for the seventh straight year.
Does anyone take tough losses like Kevin?
I think we all know the answer to this. (And no, Rob, you don't.)
Pick: Vinegar Strokes.
Live Commish (Ed, 3-3, 8th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 3-3, 9th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 8-2.
Which one of these teams has a better shot at the playoffs?
Rabs will go as far as Marshawn Lynch (@SF) takes him, as his WRs after (T.Y. Hilton (vs. NO) are big hit-or-miss guys. Travis Benjamin (@STL) and Willie Snead (@IND) aren't big names at WR, but they've been getting the job done for me, and Rob Gronkowski (vs. NYJ) can seemingly win games by himself. So I want to say my team's a little stronger, but it's really damn close.
Does Rabs just have my number?
Yes. And one of those wins was Blingabowl III. Sigh...
Pick: Live Commish.
Closing Thoughts
Week six was the fifteenth highest scoring of all time.
Eddo