The Sanderson Gazette - 2015-10-28 - Rumbled Tummies
Mark Babel: My team already shit the bed this week and it isn't even 11am.
Rob Gross: You still lasted longer than Allen.
Week Seven Recap
Matt def. Allen, 132.49-56.75:
Matt exorcised his Allen demons (note: demons don't really exist) in a rare Blangums/Slapped Heartbeat matchup. Lamar Miller scored 37.63 to lead the way for the Hammers. The Rams defense put up 25.00 for Dr. Clark, but Torrey Smith and Antonio Gates (inactive) put up zeroes.
Mike R. def. Derrek, 93.86-87.26:
Bernie's team, if you left out his wide receivers, scored 93.86 points. Bernie's team, counting wide receivers, scored 93.86 points. Danny Woodhead was the star of this one, putting up a crucial 24.60 points. Derrek got a good game from Andrew Luck (23.35).
Babel def. Richie, 82.50-79.69:
Richie had his chance, but Babel's unlikely victory caused me to type some capital letters of disbelief in the chat on Sunday. Mark took two zeroes - Jeremy Maclin and Denard Robinson - but still came away victorious, thanks to Philip Rivers (27.80). Odell Beckham, Jr. (4.67) and Larry Fitzgerald (5.20) disappointed for Richie.
Pulley def. Schertz, 130.25-105.11:
Pulley stayed all alone in first place, briefly holding onto Team Blangums, while Schertz took a tough loss. Tom Brady's 30.25 was huge for Adam, while Arian Foster put up 26.70 in his last game of the year for JuJu.
Rob def. Dave, 111.61-72.68:
Dave's skeleton team did the expected: lost. Rob got 29.47 from Todd Gurley and 26.40 from Ryan Tannehill, which helped him move to over .500 on the year.
Rabbit def. Ed, 128.19-61.53:
If you switched our tight ends (Rob Gronkowski, 20.40, and Larry Donnell, 2.40), every single one of Rabbit's positions would have outscored every single one of mine.
Pat def. Kevin, 108.08-62.44:
Mike Evans (27.87) and Ryan Fitzpatrick (21.65) broke the twenty-point barrier for Mr. Gawne. Kevin's high scorer (Matthew Stafford) only mustered 14.30.
Current Standings
Pulley, 6-1, 819.59
Matt, 5-2, 751.93
Mike R., 5-2, 700.32
Rob, 4-3, 816.56
Schertz, 4-3, 662.03
Rabbit, 4-3, 660.15
Dave, 3-4, 771.45
Babel, 3-4, 713.49
Richie, 3-4, 712.64
Ed, 3-4, 635.36
Derrek, 3-4, 576.07
Kevin, 2-5, 607.27
Pat, 2-5, 577.21
Allen, 2-5, 552.33
Weekly Awards
"Always play everybody for Team Blangums. No matter which league. Then you have the chance to tell league mates you are Team Blangums and they owe you $10. You likely won't collect in most leagues." - Adam M. Pulley.
Team Blangums: Matt scored 132.49.
Slapped Heartbeat: Allen scored 56.75.
Weekly MVP: Lamar Miller scored 37.63 for Matt. He didn't play after halftime.
Dud of the week: Torrey Smith put up a healthy zero for Allen.
Week Eight Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Keep Calm and Le'Veon (Babel, 3-4, 8th) vs. Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 3-4, 7th):
Babel leads all-time series, 6-2.
This is the matchup we've been waiting for since last season's quarterfinals.
Unlike the Greatest Game Ever Blingaplayed, both Babel and Dave enter this matchup below .500. Which means that this game is huge; a fifth loss will leave one of these guys with almost no room for error.
Babel gets A.J. Green (@PIT) and Randall Cobb (@DEN) back. Dave gets Aaron Rodgers (@DEN), Demaryius Thomas (vs. GB), the Denver defense (vs. GB), and his sixteen Bengals (@PIT) back.
Pick: Keep Calm and Le'Veon.
Other Blingamatches
Live Commish (Ed, 3-4, 10th) vs. Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 3-4, 9th):
Ed leads all-time series, 3-0.
Another do-or-die matchup here. Both Richie and I have looked very promising at times this season - and promptly shat the bed. Which one of us will keep his playoff hopes alive heading into week nine?
Pick: Dread Pirate Kelly.
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 4-3, 6th) vs. Bent Over by Beckham (Rob, 4-3, 4th):
Rob leads all-time series, 5-4.
Rob is the only owner with a winning record against Rabbit; would you have guessed that? This is our only matchup this week between above-.500 teams. Todd Gurley (vs. SF) looks like the real deal for Rob. Rabs will start two Colts WRs @CAR: T.Y. Hilton and Donte Moncrief.
Pick: Bent Over by Beckham.
Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 2-5, 13th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 4-3, 5th):
Pat leads all-time series, 2-1.
Schertz is in playoff position right now, but his team is starting to fall apart. Joe Flacco (vs. SD) is hardly reliable, and Arian Foster (achilles) is out for the year. Pat's team might be getting hot, thanks to Chris Ivory (@OAK) and Mike Evans (@ATL), but it's probably too late to put together a playoff push.
Pick: Vinegar Strokes.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 5-2, 2nd) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 3-4, 11th):
Matt leads all-time series, 5-4.
The good news for D is that he's off his historically bad pace. The bad news is he has to face Matt.
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 6-1, 1st) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-5, 12th):
Pulley leads all-time series, 7-2.
For the second straight year, Pulley's dominating the regular season. Tom Brady (vs. MIA), Justin Forsett (vs. SD), and Calvin Johnson (@KC) give him strength across the board. Kevin has a good tight end (Greg Olsen, vs. IND), though.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 5-2, 3rd) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 2-5, 14th):
Mike R. leads all-time series, 5-2.
Quietly, Bernie's three games over .500, and he gets Emmanuel Sanders (vs. GB) and Dion Lewis (vs. MIA) back from a bye and an injury, respectively. Allen's team is showing the problems with relying on 49ers wide receivers (Torrey Smith and Anquan Boldin, @STL).
Pick: Bernie's Bullies.
Closing Thoughts
Good luck, everyone.
Ed