The Sanderson Gazette - 2015-11-04 - C.K. Asterisk

"I sense Eddie is already typing up this week's Sanderson Gazette. Headline for the Harrison-D match up: "Harrison loses close one. Makes Armour voodoo doll." - Richie

Also, check below for a brand new weekly award!

Week Eight Recap

Derrek def. Matt, 120.65-105.99:

Headline: Harrison loses close one. Makes Armour voodoo doll.

Mere minutes before Derrek took the lead for good, Richie congratulated Matt on his win. Oops. I'd say John Brown's 0.00 killed Matt, but D got only 1.07 from his flex play, Davante Adams. When you go down the lineups, the main difference here comes from defenses: Derrek got 20.00 from Houston, but Matt got only 8.00 from Minnesota (and that includes a special teams TD).

Rob def. Rabbit, 112.26-101.75:

Rabs trailed by less than fifteen points heading into Monday night, and had T.Y. Hilton (2.00) and Donte Moncrief (2.40) going. But he still fell well short of Rob. Rob re-took our overall points lead thanks to big games from Todd Gurley (21.03), DeAndre Hopkins (18.53), and the Kansas City defense (14.00).

Richie def. Ed, 145.46-96.16:

At halftime of the Thursday night game, Richie must have been feeling bad; after all, I already had around twenty points from Rob Gronkowski (21.07), and he had barely any from Julian Edelman. But Edelman finished with 22.80, then Carson Palmer added 32.30 and Odell Beckham, Jr. added 35.33, powering Richie to a blowout win.

Pulley def. Kevin, 106.89-58.31:

The Pullman keeps humming along, winning comfortably thanks to Tom Brady (31.90) and having no one under 5.00 (Seattle defense). Kevin got 16.53 from Greg Olsen and 10.10 from C.K. Asterisk - er, C.J. Spiller - but had no one else above seven points.

Mike R. def. Allen, 97.05-58.42:

Bernie had a top-heavy day; Matt Ryan scored 23.05, Dion Lewis 20.30, and Justin Tucker 20.00. That was enough to pound Allen, though, who got two zeroes from 49ers - Anquan Boldin and Reggie Bush.

Schertz def. Pat, 81.96-78.37:

Pat nearly stole this one, but Brandon McManus (11.00) scored enough on Sunday night to pull JuJu ahead. Joe Flacco (23.15) led the way for Schertz, while Eric Decker and Dan Bailey both scored 14.00 for Pat.

Babel def. Dave, 105.31-75.82:

This one wasn't the complete polar opposite of last year's quarterfinal matchup, but it certainly wasn't very impressive. Babel did get 26.05 from Philip Rivers and 21.73 from A.J. Green to wind up with a very respectable final score, but nearly everyone on Dave's team disappointed. Demaryius Thomas's 22.40 was the lone exception.

Current Standings

  1. Pulley, 7-1, 926.48

  2. Mike R., 6-2, 797.37

  3. Rob, 5-3, 928.82

  4. Matt, 5-3, 857.92

  5. Schertz, 5-3, 743.99

  6. Richie, 4-4, 858.10

  7. Babel, 4-4, 818.80

  8. Rabbit, 4-4, 761.90

  9. Derrek, 4-4, 696.72

  10. Dave, 3-5, 847.27

  11. Ed, 3-5, 731.52

  12. Kevin, 2-6, 665.58

  13. Pat, 2-6, 655.58

  14. Allen, 2-6, 610.75

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Richie gets his second $10 prize in four weeks, thanks to a 145.46 point game.

Slapped Heartbeat: Kevin continued his season in the doldrums with 58.31.

Weekly MVP: Odell Beckham, Jr.'s 35.33 was tops for Richie this week.

Dud of the week: Chris Ivory's disappointing 4.90 cost Pat a very winnable game.

Start of the Week: Derrek rode Ben Waton's hot hand for 25.60 points, leaving Owen Daniels's 5.87 on his bench.

Blessed Cahoots: This new award's going to go to the most unlikely good luck someone receives during the week, something that would have made them yell, "Blessed cahoots!" And this week, it goes to Rob, who avoided losing Monday night thanks to a downpour. "Blessed cahoots! This rain is going to keep T.Y. Hilton and Donte Moncrief under five points combined!"

Week Nine Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 5-3, 4th) vs. Bent Over by Beckham (Rob, 5-3, 3rd):

Matt leads all-time series, 8-2.

You wouldn't think the league leader in points would be tinkering with his lineup, but Rob will have four new starting position players this week: Aaron Rodgers (@CAR), Travis Benjamin (@CIN), Rishard Matthews (@BUF), and Giovani Bernard (vs. CLE). On the other side, Matt has yet to make a trade; Julio Jones (@SF), Lamar Miller (@BUF), and Cam Newton (vs. GB) have been enough to get him into prime playoff position.

Pick: Bent Over by Beckham.

Other Blingamatches

Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 4-4, 6th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 4-4, 9th):

Derrek leads all-time series, 2-1.

Richie has a shiny new toy to play with: Rob Gronkowski (vs. WAS). He's hurt by byes this week, as Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald are both out. But Alshon Jeffery (@SD) and Julian Edelman (vs. WAS) have both done quite well for themselves. Derrek's finally getting good weeks from Andrew Luck (vs. DEN), but he has a bad matchup this week.

Pick: Dread Pirate Kelly.

Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 3-5, 10th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 4-4, 8th):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 6-2.

Dave is having a classic Dave year: fifth in points, but two games below .500. So he's gone into seller's mode, trading away Aaron Rodgers for Devonta Freeman (@SF) and Blake Bortles (@NYJ). He's getting Rabbit on a rough week, though: Marshawn Lynch and Charcandrick West are on bye, and T.Y. Hilton and Donte Moncrief play against the Broncos.

Pick: Super Bash Bros.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 7-1, 1st) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 2-6, 14th):

All-time series tied, 4-4.

Woof. Allen has Russell Wilson on bye, and now Reggie Bush is hurt (though he wasn't contributing much); luckily he has Jay Cutler (@SD) and Eddie Lacy (@CAR) to sub in. Meanwhile, Pulley has the suspended Josh Gordon in his lineup currently. And yet I still feel he's going to wind up getting through this.

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Live Commish (Ed, 3-5, 11th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 5-3, 5th):

Schertz leads all-time series, 2-1.

Will Stephon Diggs (vs. STL) continue to put up big weeks for JuJu? How effective will DeSean Jackson (@NE) for me?

Pick: Live Commish.

Keep Calm and Le'Veon (Babel, 4-4, 7th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 2-6, 13th):

Pat leads all-time series, 4-2.

Babel's last loss last year was to Pat. And Pat's record is bad again this year, but he's also suffered a few close losses. And if Peyton Manning (@IND) is back, he could play a huge spoiler role. Babel will be looking for A.J. Green (vs. CLE) and Philip Rivers (vs. CHI) to keep having big weeks if he wants to make the playoffs.

Pick: Keep Calm and Le'Veon.

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 6-2, 2nd) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-6, 12th):

Kevin leads all-time series, 4-3.

Mike might have the quietest 6-2 record in Blingaleague history, and it's probably because his team is solid all-around, but not great. Dez Bryant (vs. PHI) coming back strong could be his key to a deep playoff run. Kevin's team is Greg Olsen (vs. GB) and a bunch of disappointments.

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

Closing Thoughts

Have a great week, everyone. Matt, Bernie, Allen, and I will be enjoying it from Vegas.

Ed