I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that week ten is no longer the fourth-lowest scoring week of all-time (it's now fifth).

The bad news is that week eleven is now all alone at the bottom: the lowest weekly average in Blingaleague history.

Week Eleven Recap

Pat def. Allen, 74.26-66.81:

I'm going to ease everyone into The Game that Ruined Dave by first talking about Pat and Allen. Pat got 19.20 from Matthew Stafford. Allen got 16.00 from Graham Gano. Pat won.

Derrek def. Dave, 81.62-81.24:

Dave needed 1.49 points from Karlos Williams on Monday night, and Williams was getting touches early. But a (self-recovered) fumble might have put Williams in the doghouse, and he wound up with just 1.10, resulting in the tied-for-eight-closest game in Blingaleague history. Derrek's team (and this whole matchup) was led by Marcus Mariota's 16.45.

Pulley def. Babel, 76.34-76.00:

Pulley and Babel were not to be outdone by the closeness of Derrek and Dave's game; the 0.34 margin of this one is tied for sixth lowest ever. Pulley was led by Tom Brady (14.85), while Babel got 23.50 from Doug Martin. Pulley clinched a bye with this win.

Rob def. Kevin, 128.47-66.15:

At least someone did well this week! Rob had two twenty-plus scorers in DeAndre Hopkins (27.73) and Mason Crosby (22.00). Kevin's kicker was not so prolific; Blair Walsh put up a 0.00.

Matt def. Schertz, 124.13-82.45:

Schertz tumbled from second to fifth thanks to Matt's big week. Mr. Harrison got 31.90 from Cam Newton and 22.53 and 21.33 from James and Julio Jones, respectively. JuJu did get 15.57 from Darren McFadden, but it was not enough.

Mike R. def. Ed, 83.77-70.64:

Meanwhile, Bernie moved up into bye position, sending me to my sixth straight loss in the process. Keeper Charles Sims put up a nice 13.77 in relief for Mr. Romor, while Matt Ryan's 19.70 proved enough to offset Andy Dalton's 21.15. It didn't help that my kicker went negative (Greg Zuerlein, -1.00).

Richie def. Rabbit, 97.41-58.38:

Richie dominated Rabs - leaving last year's regular season champ needing a bit of a miracle to make the playoffs - but the biggest story here is what Richie could have had. He moved Terrance Williams (16.53) to his bench at the last minute in favor of Chris Givens (3.33) and played Matt Jones (-0.40) at flex over Thomas Rawls (39.03). The latter move cost him Blangums, by the way.

Current Standings

1. (b) Pulley, 10-1, 1276.09

2. Mike R., 8-3, 1046.69

3. Rob, 7-4, 1257.57

4. Matt, 7-4, 1174.79

5. Schertz, 7-4, 1085.57

6. Richie, 6-5, 1167.75

7. Derrek, 6-5, 937.47

8. Dave, 5-6, 1158.01

9. Rabbit, 5-6, 1064.64

10. Babel, 4-7, 1032.84

11. Pat, 4-7, 894.69

12. (e) Ed, 3-8, 965.67

13. (e) Allen, 3-8, 843.89

14. (e) Kevin, 2-9, 881.14

(*) Clinched playoff berth.

(b) Clinched first-round bye.

(e) Eliminated from playoff contention.

Playoff Scenarios

Pulley has clinched a playoff berth and a first-round bye.

Pulley clinches the #1 overall seed with:

• a win or tie

OR

• a Mike R. loss or tie.

Mike R. clinches a playoff berth with:

• a win or tie

OR

• a Derrek loss or tie.

Rob clinches a playoff berth with:

• a win AND a Richie loss or tie

OR

• a win AND a Derrek loss or tie.

Matt clinches a playoff berth with:

• a win AND a Richie loss or tie

OR

• a win AND a Derrek loss or tie.

Schertz clinches a playoff berth with:

• a win AND a Richie loss or tie

OR

• a win AND a Derrek loss or tie.

(Kevin, Allen, and Ed have been eliminated from playoff contention.)

Playoff Scenarios, Part II

Pulley has effectively locked up the #1 overall seed, sitting two games up on Mike R. with two to play and having a greater than 200-point advantage.

Mike R. hasn't officially clinched, but can breathe fairly easily. The only way he misses is if he loses out and Richie and Derrek each win out, and both Richie and Derrek finish ahead of him in points. Considering Derrek trails by over 100 points, it's quite unlikely that will happen.

Rob, Matt, and Schertz all also benefit from Derrek's low point total. While a win by any of the three won't mathematically clinch a berth for them, because Derrek trails each of them by over 100 points, it's unlikely that he will pass them unless they lose out and he wins out.

Richie's big win over Rabbit, combined with Dave's heartbreaking loss to Derrek, means that Richie could essentially wrap up a berth this week, too. In the case where Richie wins and Derrek and Dave lose: Richie will be two games up on Dave with one to play, eliminating Dave mathetmatically; he will also be a game and roughly 200 points up on Derrek, which would all but mathematically eliminate Derrek, as well. Rabbit could win this week, staying only one game behind Richie, but he currently trails Richie by over 100 points, so he'd have to make up quite a bit of that this week to be within shouting distance.

So there is a real chance that next week's rivalry games are for seeding and pride, only.

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Rob's 128.47 just beats out Rabbit's Blangums last week for the second-lowest of the season.

Slapped Heartbeat: Blangums one week, Slapped Hearbeat the next: Rabbit scored only 58.38 in week eleven.

Weekly MVP: Cam Newton scored 31.90 for Matt. (Side fact: Matt's two rostered QBs - Newton and Jameis Winston - each had five passing touchdowns in week eleven.)

Dud of the Week: everyone in this league - we broke the low-scoring record!

Misplay of the Week: Thomas Rawls's 39.03 would have gotten Richie Team Blangums, but he was on the bench.

Blessed Cahoots: Derrek, who stayed ahead of Dave thanks to Karlos Williams stopping scoring. Also Derrek for his whole season.

Week Twelve Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 8-3, 2nd) vs. Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 6-5, 6th):

Richie leads all-time series, 2-1.

Mike R.'s remaining schedule: Matt.

Richie's remaining schedule: Schertz.

Richie's team has some juicy matchups. Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald are @SF. Jonathan Stewart is @DAL, DeMarco Murray is @DET, and Thomas Rawls is vs. PIT (and the true #1).

Bernie will be playing Antonio Andrews (vs. OAK) and Brent Celek (@DET). His best hope might be the Arizona defense putting up thirty points @SF.

Mike is SO lucky Dave lost last week.

Pick: Dread Pirate Kelly.

Other Blingamatches

Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 5-6, 8th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 4-7, 11th):

Dave leads all-time series, 4-2.

Dave's remaining schedule: Kevin.

Pat's remaining schedule: Rabbit.

Dave will be rolling with Blake Bortles and his clear and unwavering fantasy value (credit: Adam Pulley) vs. SD. Pat will have Matthew Stafford (vs. PHI) on Thanksgiving. Dave's Bengals - Jeremy Hill and Tyler Eifert - have a not-so-great matchup vs. STL. Pat has a nice receiving corps in Mike Evans (@IND), Amari Cooper (@TEN), and Danny Amendola (@DEN).

Pick: Vinegar Strokes.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 10-1, 1st) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 6-5, 7th):

Derrek leads all-time series, 5-4.

Pulley still plays: Rob.

Derrek still plays: Allen.

Let's all pause and realize that Pulley clinched a bye before week twelve with disappointing first (Calvin Johnson, vs. PHI) and second (Alfred Morris, vs. NYG) round picks and a keeper that's been hurt most of the year (Carlos Hyde). Now let's pause and marvel at Derrek's above-.500 team that has sent out Ted Ginn, Jr. (@DAL) most weeks.

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Bent Over by Beckham (Rob, 7-4, 3rd) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 7-4, 5th):

Schertz leads all-time series, 2-1.

Rob still plays: Pulley.

Schertz still plays: Richie.

Schertz has Brian Hoyer vs. the New Orleans "defense" this week; that alone could be 40 points. Of course, Rob has DeAndre Hopkins against that same defense. Rob's RBs have bad matchups - Todd Gurley (@CIN), LeGarrette Blount (@DEN), and Giovani Bernard (vs. STL) - and Schertz's aren't exactly fantastic - Darren McFadden (vs. CAR) and T.J. Yeldon (vs. SD). Eh, I've talked for long enough about this game without really saying anything.

Pick: Bent Over by Beckham.

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 7-4, 4th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-9, 14th):

All-time series tied, 4-4.

Matt still plays: Mike R.

Kevin still plays: Dave.

Ah, the Greg Olsen (@DAL) vs. John Brown (@SF) Referendum Game.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

Keep Calm & Le'Veon (Babel, 4-7, 10th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 5-6, 9th):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 5-4.

Babel still plays: Ed.

Rabbit still plays: Pat.

Rabbit needs quite a bit of luck to make the playoffs; the only real way he can make it is to win out and hope Richie loses out and Derrek and Dave each lose at least once. Babel, meanwhile, needs a true miracle.

Pick: Keep Calm & Le'Veon.

Live Commish (Ed, 3-8, 12th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 3-8, 13th):

Ed leads all-time serie, 7-1.

Ed still plays: Babel.

Allen still plays: Derrek.

Buzz's girlfriend, woof.

Pick: Live Commish.

Closing Thoughts

This has the potential to be one of the most epic home stretches of all time. Good luck to everyone.

Eddo

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