The Sanderson Gazette - 2015-12-02 - Sources

Our six playoff teams are all but mathematically set. And they all play each other this week.

Week Twelve Recap

Schertz def. Rob, 78.37-72.93:

Schertz didn't get a crazy game from Brian Hoyer (14.95) vs. NO, but it was more than Rob got from Aaron Rodgers (13.40). The TEs in this one each scored 12.13 (Gary Barnidge for Rob, Delanie Walker for Schertz). The deciding factor was Rob's studs having poor games; DeAndre Hopkins scored only 4.80 and Todd Gurley did even worse, with 3.37.

Richie def. Mike R., 108.78-93.34:

Richie locked up his playoff berth with an overall solid effort from everyone. The Panthers defense led the way with 21.00, with Carson Palmer (19.15) and Rob Gronkowski (17.73) not far behind. Mike R. made a wise choice in playing Kirk Cousins (25.20), but it wasn't enough to get the W.

Pat def. Dave, 130.67-101.42:

Matthew Stafford's 36.15 propelled Pat to his usual week twelve upset (he is now 6-1 in week twelve, losing only in 2010, and never scoring less than 98.24 (2012)). Dave wasted a great week from Brandon Marshall (29.47) and is now eliminated from playoff contention despite being fourth overall in points.

Pulley def. Derrek, 151.94-62.60:

Pulley did Rob, Richie, and Matt a favor by destroying Derrek this week (though D did his part, having a flat-out bad week himself). Adrian Peterson (31.67) and Calvin Johnson (30.40) each broke the thirty-point barrier, cementing Pulley as our first-place team.

Allen def. Ed, 123.61-100.69:

Allen broke 100 points for the first time this season, thanks primarily to Sammy Watkins (33.07), Eddie Lacy (19.03), and Graham Gano (18.00). I had a good week, led by Odell Beckham, Jr.'s 24.93, but it was not enough to break my now-seven-game losing streak.

Babel def. Rabbit, 138.06-84.97:

Babel officially eliminated Rabbit, as Philip Rivers (29.90) and Jeremy Maclin (27.33) went off. Jarvis Landry's 28.40 was the high scorer for Mr. Warren.

Kevin def. Matt, 87.70-53.49:

Derek Carr put up 26.00 for Kev, but that doesn't matter so much when your opponent's running backs score 1.70 (Chris Johnson) and 1.67 (Lamar Miller).

Current Standings

  1. (z) Pulley, 11-1, 1428.03

  2. (*) Schertz, 8-4, 1163.94

  3. (*) Mike R., 8-4, 1140.03

  4. Rob, 7-5, 1330.50

  5. Richie, 7-5, 1276.53

  6. Matt, 7-5, 1228.28

  7. Derrek, 6-6, 1000.07

  8. (e) Dave, 5-7, 1259.43

  9. (e) Babel, 5-7, 1170.90

  10. (e) Rabbit, 5-7, 1149.61

  11. (e) Pat, 5-7, 1025.36

  12. (e) Allen, 4-8, 967.50

  13. (e) Ed, 3-9, 1066.36

  14. (e) Kevin, 3-9, 968.84

(*) Clinched playoff berth.

(b) Clinched first-round bye.

(z) Clinched #1 overall seed.

(e) Eliminated from playoff contention.

Playoff Scenarios

Pulley has clinched a playoff berth and the #1 overall seed.

Schertz has clinched a playoff berth.

Schertz clinches a first-round bye with:

  • a win AND a Mike R. loss or tie

OR

  • a tie AND a Mike R. loss.

Mike R. has clinched a playoff berth.

Mike R. clinches a first-round bye with:

  • a win AND a Schertz loss or tie

OR

  • a tie AND a Schertz loss.

Rob clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win or tie

OR

  • a Derrek loss or tie.

Richie clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win or tie

OR

  • a Derrek loss or tie.

Matt clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win or tie

OR

  • a Derrek loss or tie.

(Kevin, Ed, Allen, Pat, Rabbit, Babel, and Dave have been eliminated from playoff contention.)

Playoff Scenarios, Part II

Pulley is the regular season champion and will have the #1 seed, officially.

The remaining five playoff teams will be Schertz, Mike R., Rob, Richie, and Matt, in some order. (Derrek is still mathemetically alive, but would need to make up at least 229 points on the teams ahead of him to jump to #6, so I'm comfortable considering him eliminated.)

None of the five completely control their own destiny to get the second bye. JuJu and Bernie are in the best shape, a game ahead of the other three, but with only 23 points separating them, either could wind up ahead of the other.

After that, Rob is best in points, but needs both Mikes to lose. Richie is next best, but would need Mike R. to lose (Richie plays Schertz). Matt would need to win, Rob to lose, Richie to win, and to outscore Richie by about 50 points; that's not impossible, but it does make Matt quite unlikely to get the #2 seed.

Everyone else is playing for pride (or rivalry trophies; I want that Timberwolves hat).

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Pulley's 151.94 is in the 98th percentile of all-time scores.

Slapped Heartbeat: Matt's 53.49 would win a game only one in forty times.

Weekly MVP: Matthew Stafford scored 36.15 for Pat to be thankful for.

Dud of the Week: Todd Gurley's 3.37 killed Rob's chances this week.

Start of the Week: Schertz wisely played Delanie Walker (12.13) over Zach Miller (7.33), which covered his 5.44-point margin of victory.

Misplay of the Week: Rob could have played Travis Benjamin's 19.00 against the poor Baltimore defense, but instead played LeGarrette Blount's 2.70 against the good Denver one, possibly costing himself a bye in the process.

Blessed Cahoots: Schertz; how did DeAndre Hopkins score less than five points against the Saints?

Rivalry Week Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

D's Nuts (Derrek, 6-6, 7th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 4-8, 12th):

Allen leads all-time series, 7-5.

There are only three other duos that have met as many times as Derrek and Allen: Babel/Pulley, Matt/Rabbit, and Pulley/Rob.

Their very first meeting, week nine of 2008, resulted in an 80.70-56.95 Allen win. After dropping both 2009 meetings, Allen won in both weeks ten and thirteen of 2010. It was in the playoffs following that season where the rivalry reached its apex; Derrek defeated Allen 92.23-82.20 in the third-place game, the only time that money was on the line between these bitter rivals.

They both made the playoffs following the 2011 season, as well, with Allen beating Derrek in the fifth-place game, 118.37-87.31. Since then, however, they have only one playoff berth between them (Derrek in 2012).

This year has not been particularly kind to D and Allen, as they will end up with only ten wins combined, their worst mark ever. I choose to remember this rivalry as it was from 2008-2012, in which at least one of them made the playoffs every year.

Pick: Optimus Prime.

Other Blingamatches

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 11-1, 1st) vs. Lever's GeckoTeam (Rob, 7-5, 4th):

Rob leads all-time series, 7-5.

Rob's team name screams "trying too hard", but I love the old TMNT reference. Rob can snag a bye with a win and help. Pulley has nothing to play for, except the usual Clash of Hatred stakes.

Pick: #TeamTie.

schertzopotamus (Schertz, 8-4, 2nd) vs. Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 7-5, 5th):

Richie leads all-time series, 2-1.

Another game with significant bye implications. A win with a solid point total puts Schertz in really good position. A win plus losses by Mike R. and Rob all but assures Richie of the bye. Richie will be without Rob Gronkowski (vs. PHI), most likely, but nabbed Scott Chandler (vs. PHI) as a waiver-wire fill-in.

Pick: Dread Pirate Kelly.

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 8-4, 3rd) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 7-5, 6th):

Matt leads all-time series, 7-3.

Matt has now lost five of his last eight after starting 4-0; during that stretch, he's lost to me, Derrek, and Kevin, but has beat Rob and Schertz. I have no idea what to make of his team. Bernie has the lowest point total of the playoff teams, so I have no idea what to make of his team, either.

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

Keep Calm & Le'Veon (Babel, 5-7, 9th) vs. Live Commish (Ed, 3-9, 13th):

Babel leads all-time series, 8-3.

My quest to Lose Out For Last Place continues, but I want that damn hat! Both of us surely just want this disappointing season to be done.

Pick: Live Commish.

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 5-7, 10th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 5-7, 11th):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 8-1.

Pat's team is rounding into form; too bad there aren't seventeen weeks in Blingaleague seasons.

Pick: Vinegar Strokes.

Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 5-7, 8th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 3-9, 14th):

Kevin leads all-time series, 8-2.

The Fultz brothers must be wondering how this season cratered so quickly. Kevin's wondering how to avoid last place for the second straight year. Some sort of XBOX game is at stake.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Closing Thoughts

Pulley could finish four games ahead of everyone else if things break the right way. This would break the record of three games, set by Matt in 2013 (Matt finished 11-3, while Rob and Pulley were 8-5).

Eddo