The Sanderson Gazette - 2015-12-09 - Too Late
"D really tried his darnedest to leap frog someone in points to make the playoffs." - Rob
Week Thirteen Recap
Derrek def. Allen, 165.50-47.96:
Rob's right - D sure made an effort to sneak into the playoffs - his 165.50 is the highest score of the 2015 season, in fact - but he was just too far behind everyone in the top six. He got 38.40 from Allen Robinson and 34.60 from Marcus Mariota in the Titans-Jaguars barnburner, while Allen only got double digits from Sammy Watkins (20.53).
Schertz def. Richie, 152.90-101.35:
Juju tried his damnedest to catch Derrek with the Sunday night and Monday night games, as Ben Roethlisberger (37.50) and Antonio Brown (33.73) had huge games. If Darren McFadden (8.10) could have been more effective, he could have stolen Blangums away. As it is, he got the second bye. Richie's score wasn't bad, as he got 17.03 from Thomas Rawls and 23.80 from Carson Palmer.
Pat def. Rabbit, 96.40-91.01:
Our only close game of the week (more on that in the awards section) looked well-in-hand for Rabbit after Richard Rodgers scored 25.47 on Thursday night. But T.Y. Hilton's disappointing Sunday night performance (4.80) combined with Dan Bailey's 15.00 on Monday night pushed Pat ahead.
Ed def. Babel, 124.44-109.58:
The Timberwolves hat is mine! Javorious Allen scored 26.57, Odell Beckham, Jr. scored 25.87, and Andy Dalton scored 25.10 as I forced Babel to be the highest-scoring loser of the week. Mark did get 23.07 from A.J. Green and 22.67 from Jeremy Maclin as he watched his disappointing season come to an end.
Matt def. Mike R., 122.12-70.29:
Matt jumped up to the #3 seed thanks to Cam Newton's 38.45 and Brandin Cooks's 19.87. Mark Ingram (16.67) and Matt Ryan (12.85) were the only double-digit scorers for Bernie.
Pulley def. Rob, 108.44-65.25:
The Clash of Hatred was without drama this year. Tom Brady (32.10) outdueled Aaron Rodgers (25.35), but outside of that, there wasn't much to write about.
Dave def. Kevin, 136.67-82.95:
And easy win for Dave, as Blake Bortles put up 34.00. Kevin had no twenty-point scorers despite five in double digits, and was led by David Johnson's 18.70.
Final Standings
(z) Pulley, 12-1, 1536.47
(b) Schertz, 9-4, 1316.84
(*) Matt, 8-5, 1350.40
(*) Mike R., 8-5, 1210.32
(*) Rob, 7-6, 1395.75
(*) Richie, 7-6, 1377.88
(e) Derrek, 7-6, 1165.57
(e) Dave, 6-7, 1396.10
(e) Pat, 6-7, 1121.76
(e) Babel, 5-8, 1280.48
(e) Rabbit, 5-8, 1240.62
(e) Ed, 4-9, 1190.80
(e) Allen, 4-9, 1015.46
(e) Kevin, 3-10, 1051.79
(*) - clinched a playoff berth
(b) - clinched a first round bye
(z) - clinched regular season championship
(e) - eliminated from playoff contention
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Derrek's 165.50 is the highest score of the year and the ninth-highest of all-time.
Slapped Heartbeat: Allen's 47.96 is worse than all but seventeen games of all-time.
Weekly MVP: Allen Robinson 38.40 led the way for Derrek.
Dud of the Week: Eddie Lacy's 4 rushing yards and -3 receiving yards resulted in a 0.00 for Allen.
Start of the Week / Misplay of the Week: None. Week thirteen's 48.30 average margin of victory is the highest of all-time.
Blessed Cahoots: None. No one needs luck in a bunch of blowouts.
Final Blangums Counts
Rob: 3
Matt: 2
Richie: 2
Pulley: 1
Schertz: 1
Dave: 1
Rabbit: 1
Ed: 1
Derrek: 1
Season Postmortems
Kevin Pattermann (The Chocolate Donuts, 3-10, 14th):
Kevin scored 100 points three times (his only three games with an expected win percentage over 35%), losing two of them. That's how you finish with ten losses and in last place for the second straight year.
Expected wins: 3.482.
Allen Clark (Optimus Prime, 4-9, 13th):
Allen also had only three games over 35%, too, and only broke 100 points once. But a slightly better-timed schedule kept him one slot above Kev.
Expected wins: 3.348.
Ed Gross (Live Commish, 4-9, 12th):
I might have finished way ahead of everyone else in points against, but it's not like my team got screwed. I did lose two 100-point games (of five total). As Pulley pointed out, I was 3-2 at one point, but then lost seven in a row.
Expected wins: 5.357.
Nick "Rabbit" Warren (Pralines & Dick, 5-8, 11th):
Rabs had a weird season. After four weeks, he was 2-2, but hadn't broken 100 (expected wins: 1.101). He then scored more than 100 five of the next six weeks, but went only 3-3 during that time (expected wins: 4.256). And then, very unlike himself, he dropped his final three games to miss the playoffs.
Expected wins: 6.068.
Mark Babel (Keep Calm & Le'Veon, 5-8, 10th):
Babel stumbled out of the starting gate, dropping his first two games. He then went on a nice little run to even out at 4-4, but dropped four of his last five to miss the playoffs by a comfortable margin.
Expected wins: 6.258.
Pat Gawne (Vinegar Strokes, 6-7, 9th):
Pat got some luck, as he wound up with more than one more win than his scores would suggest. He broke 100 four times, winning three, but also put up the worst score of the season (37.04).
Expected wins: 4.679.
Dave Fultz (Super Bash Bros., 6-7, 8th):
Dave finished #2 in points, but missed the playoffs; so this was a fairly typical Dave season. He winds up with almost two more expected wins than actual, but to be honest, there's really only one truly bad loss in there (152.67-131.31 to Pulley in week three).
Expected wins: 7.801.
Derrek Drenckpohl (D's Nuts, 7-6, 7th):
Through four weeks, D was on pace for a historically bad season, not even hitting 85 points in that span (yet winning one game). He did somewhat turn his season around, with 4.159 expected wins over his last nine games, but the fact that he only missed the playoffs on a tiebreaker will continue to be one of the great mysteries of the Blingaleague. This is now the second time Derrek has finished above .500 and missed the playoffs.
Expected wins: 4.669.
Quarterfinals Preview
#3 Harrison Hammers (Matt, 8-5) vs. #6 Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 7-6):
All-time series tied, 2-2.
Matt was 3-0 and cruising, then moved to 4-0 despite scoring only 58.24 points. From that point on, he went only 4-5, but beat three playoff teams along the way. In fact, he went 4-1 against the other playoff teams this year.
But that one loss? It was to Richie. After four weeks, Richie was 1-3, despite breaking 100 twice. But he turned his season around, winning six of his next eight before dropping his rivalry week game (but scoring 101.35).
Looking at the two rosters, Richie's just looks better. This week, he has some good matchups (Jonathan Stewart vs. ATL, Matt Jones @CHI, Thomas Rawls @BAL) but also some bad ones (Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald vs. MIN).
Matt will send Cam Newton and Greg Olsen vs. ATL, but his top WR, Julio Jones, has to play @CAR.
Pick: Dread Pirate Kelly.
#4 Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 8-5) vs. #5 Deandre[sic] Hopkins (Rob, 7-6):
Rob leads all-time series, 5-3.
Bernie can't exactly say he's "comin' in hot" to the playoffs, having lost three of his last four (and not breaking 95 over those four games). He did start 7-2, but that hot start was helped by three sub-100 point victories. That said, he certainly deserves this playoff spot.
Rob finished third overall in points, but might have stumbled into the playoffs even weaker than Mike. Rob couldn't get to 75 points in weeks twelve and thirteen, though he did score 128.47 in week eleven. He also should really have a couple more wins, as he lost despite scoring 113.30 in week three (to Bernie, of course) and 131.32 in week five (to Richie) and logging no sub-100 wins.
As for the actual matchup this week, Rob has DeAndre Hopkins vs. NE and Vincent Jackson vs. NO, but some other players aren't so promising. Todd Gurley (vs. DET), Gary Barnidge (vs. SF), and Travis Benjamin (vs. SF) haven't been themselves lately.
Mike will likely start Kirk Cousins @CHI, and Charles Sims (vs. NO) and Mark Ingram (@TB) could be valuable. And can't you just see the Arizona defense (vs. MIN) sacking Teddy Bridgewater seven or eight times?
Pick: Bernie's Bullies.
Closing Thoughts
Good luck to all our playoff teams!
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