"Nothing's more serious than archery red rover. Except russian roulette roulette." - Ed G., possiby angling for the commissioner role for another sport?

"I can complain about two things." - Rob G., all too correct.

"She be up in the clerb confirmin' shiz today. That's for sure. - Dave F., the dumbest thing ever said.

Quarterfinals Recap

Rob def. Mike R., 111.63-93.07:

Todd Gurley's 26.93 led the way for Rob, as he kept Bernie from his first playoff victory. Tyler Lockett (25.87) was a great play for Mike, but his other wide receivers let him down, as Dez Bryant (1.20) and Emmanuel Sanders (0.27) couldnt' even crack two points combined.

Richie def. Matt, 122.31-97.45:

Richie did get his first playoff victory, however. The Panthers defense (26.00), Carson Palmer (21.80), and Alshon Jeffery (20.27) all broke the twenty-point barrier for Rich, while Matt had only two such players - Cam Newton (23.65) and Lamar Miller (20.90).

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Richie's 122.31 isn't a paricularly high score, but it got the job done.

Slapped Heartbeat: Mike R.'s 93.07 is a really good score to get your heartbeat slapped for.

Weekly MVP: The 26.00 points scored by the Carolina defense provided the difference in Richie's win.

Dud of the Week: Emmanuel Sanders's 0.27 doomed Mike into the fifth-place game.

Season Postmortems

Mike Romor (Bernie's Bullies, 8-6, 5th/6th):

Bernie's season is an exercise in luck. He only broke 100 points four times, but managed eight wins (and very nearly got a bye). He stumbled into the playoffs, however, losing three of his last four games, and bowed out in very bland fashion.

Expected wins: 5.708.

Matt Harrison (Harrison Hammers, 8-6, 5th/6th):

Matt, on the other hand, only failed to break 100 four times - and won one of them! (Back in week four, he won the battle of undefeateds against Pulley, 58.24-57.50.) And yet, this season feels like a disappointment; I haven't had to write a postmortem for Matt prior to the semifinals since 2010.

Expected wins: 7.524.

Semifinals Preview

#1 Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 12-1) vs. #6 Dread Pirate Kelly (Richie, 8-6):

Pulley leads all-time series, 3-1.

Of all the quarterfinal participants, Richie has to be the one Pulley least wanted to face. But Richie's team looks pretty different from last week's version; Jonathan Stewart and Thomas Rawls are out, but Julian Edelman (vs. TEN) might be back. Richie did nab Fozzy Whittaker (@NYG) and Fred Jackson (vs. CLE) to replace them, but his team is noticeably weaker.

Pulley, meanwhile, is at full strength, and has some good matchups. Tom Brady plays TEN, Calvin Johnson is @NO, and Adrian Peterson faces the CHI defense.

Also, there will be no kickers in this game. Will it matter?

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

#2 schertzopotamus (Schertz, 8-5) vs. #5 Deandre Hopkins (Rob, 8-6):

Schertz leads all-time series, 3-1.

Schertz won a key week thirteen game to grab a bye, but his playoff life could be short-lived. Look at his matchups! Ben Roethlisberger and Antonio Brown play DEN and Darren McFadden plays NYJ.

At least Rob has one key tough matchup, Todd Gurley vs. TAM.

Pick: Deandre Hopkins.

Closing Thoughts

Sad that there are only two weeks left in the season. Good luck, everyone.

Eddo

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