The Sanderson Gazette - 2016-09-21 - Hashtag
"I feel bad for Romor. I hope Rob's team burns in hell." - Mark Babel
Week Three Recap
Kevin def. Pulley, 119.27-101.26:
If Kevin stays in first place all year, the hot-takers will be sure to point to this win over our defending champ as the #ChangingOfTheGuard. In a more reasonable explanation, Kevin got 23.00 from the Arizona defense and 15.00 from Cairo Santos, both of which complimented his Raiders (Derek Carr, 27.45; Latavius Murray, 17.57; and Amari Cooper, 9.47) nicely. Pulley's trade for Matt Ryan (31.30) paid off handsomely, but it wasn't enough for the victory.
Pat def. Mike R., 99.38-83.87:
Pat improved to 2-0 - I'll allow you all time to recover - by beating our most injury-filled team. Mike Wallace (17.47) once again had a very nice game for Mr. Gawne. Vance McDonald, a.k.a. #TheLegendOfBernieVance, put up 16.00 for Michael.
Ed def. Rabbit, 119.66-105.33:
I exorcised my Rabbit demons, for one game at least, thanks to Matt Forte's 29.20 on Monday night. Larry Fitzgerald's 16.80 and Mike Evans's 15.33 helped, as well. Rabs got 14.00 from each of his kicker (Brandon McManus) and defense (Houston) in the #ToughLoss.
Rob def. Babel, 112.79-73.09:
The #DickranDuel was more of a #DickranDud this year, as Rob won handily. DeAndre Hopkins (who else?) led the way with 21.07 for Rob. Babel got another good week from C.J. Anderson (15.93), but lost Doug Martin (2.30) and, more importantly, Adrian Peterson (2.83) to injury. Redboner: Randall Cobb (5.70).
Schertz def. Derrek, 91.15-70.45:
JuJu didn't quite put up his score from week one, as the Steelers slogged through a messy game (Antonio Brown scored a mere 5.20). Derrek's only double-digit scorer was the Denver defense, with 22.00 points (#bitches).
Allen def. Dave, 106.42-91.85:
Allen overcame a fairly bad Russell Wilson week (13.10) thanks to Eric Decker's 22.80 and Marvin Jones, Jr.'s 15.73. Dave's best contributor was probably Jarvis Landry, who scored 16.27. Is Dave destined for another year as the #BestTeamWithALosingRecord?
Matt def. Richie, 139.75-75.70:
Our #MonsterHeel bounced back with a vengeance! Is this going to be like 2013, where Matt got the #SlappedHeartbeat in week one, then roared through the league towards his third Sanderson Cup? Richie certainly put up no resistance, as his only notable scorer was Carson Palmer (26.90).
Current Standings
Kevin, 2-0, 239.15
Schertz, 2-0, 226.15
Rob, 2-0, 225.51
Pat, 2-0, 219.55
Pulley, 1-1, 221.1
Ed, 1-1, 218.82
Matt, 1-1, 216.38
Derrek, 1-1, 193.9
Allen, 1-1, 178.61
Richie, 1-1, 160.95
Rabbit, 0-2, 205.35
Dave, 0-2, 203.99
Mike R., 0-2, 195.76
Babel, 0-2, 158.41
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Matt's 139.75.
Slapped Heartbeat: Derrek took a long chute down to a 70.45 after last week's promising start.
Weekly MVP: Matt Forte's three touchdowns made a big difference in my win over Rabbit.
Dud of the week: Adrian Peterson's injury kept him from taking the Redboner award, but it doesn't save him here. He scored only 2.83 in his second-straight major disappointment.
Start of the Week: No games were particularly close, but Allen actually paid attention to injury reports and played the correct former Bengal; Marvin Jones, Jr.'s 15.73, over Mohamed Sanu's 2.53, was nearly the difference in his matchup.
Week Three Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 1-1, 5th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 2-0, 2nd):
Pulley leads all-time series, 4-1.
That 4-1 includes #BlingabowlVIII, which is why this is our Game of the Blingaweek.
Pulley's gotten some nice games from Matt Ryan (@NO), and given the QB's opponent this week, that should continue. He's lost Jonathan Stewart for the foreseeable future, but can play the emergent Stefon Diggs (@CAR) in his flex spot.
Mike's combination of Ben Roethlisberger (@PHI) and Antonio Brown (@PHI) looks to get back on track in the cross-Pennsylvania matchup, and Charles Sims (vs. LA) will be seeing more touches in place of the injured Doug Martin.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Other Blingamatches
Live Commish (Ed, 1-1, 6th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-0, 1st):
Ed leads all-time series, 7-4.
Kevin can equal his win total from last year if he defeats my squad, and he's got a decent chance with his #RaidersTrio at Tennessee. Odell Beckham, Jr. (vs. WAS) will need to have a big week for me to pull over .500.
Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 0-2, 11th) vs. Not Mos Def (Rob, 2-0, 3rd):
Rob leads all-time series, 6-4.
Nick's the only one with two tough losses on the year, and he's going up against one of the teams that's looked the strongest. He'll be without Donte Moncrief for a few weeks, so his RB stable (Lamar Miller (@NE), LeSean McCoy (vs. ARI), and DeMarco Murray (vs. OAK)) will have to step up. On the other side, our resident #ShitHeel is looking for Todd Gurley's (@TAM) first big game of the year.
Pick: Not Mos Def.
Keep Calm & Le'Veon (Babel, 0-2, 14th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 2-0, 4th):
Pat leads all-time series, 5-2.
Will #MikeWallace (yes, he gets his own hashtag) power Pat to 3-0 at Jacksonville? Will Babel reap rewards with Melvin Gordon (@IND) now that Danny Woodhead is out? If my pick is right, what's more surprising: Pat's 3-0 start or Babel's 0-3?
Pick: Vinegar Strokes.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 1-1, 7th) vs. Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 0-2, 12th):
Matt leads all-time series, 7-2.
Dave's had a couple OK weeks, but with nothing to show for it. Devonta Freeman gets the Saints (that's good), but A.J. Green faces the Broncos (that's bad (#ButYouGetYourChoiceOfToppings)). Matt gets Julio Jones against those same Saints, but with him nursing an injury, what will we expect? Answer: Julio always seems to put up 30-point games while he's "nursing an injury".
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
D's Nuts (1-1, 8th) vs. Inconceivable (Richie, 1-1, 10th):
Derrek leads all-time series, 3-1.
Richie picked up Fozzy Whittaker (vs. MIN), but his matchup isn't great. Derrek might be playing Josh Doctson (@NYG) in his flex. Last week, these two combined for less than 150 points; is that too much to ask this week?
Pick: D's Nuts.
Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 0-2, 13th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 1-1, 9th):
Mike R. leads all-time series, 6-3.
With Russell Wilson (vs. SF) struggling (the #Nanobubbles do nothing!), this might not be the blowout it could be. And Mike does have Eli Manning (vs. WAS) with a nice matchup. But I'll still take the mostly healthy team over the injured, gritty one.
Pick: Optimus Prime.
Closing Thoughts
The new website, www.blingaleague.com, has launched!
Sincerely,
Your Webmaster