The Sanderson Gazette - 2016-11-02 - Tell Your Friends
Week eight was about as average as you can be, score-wise: it ranks 56th out of 112 Blingaweeks in average score.
It was 29th greatest average margin of all-time, though.
Week Eight Recap
https://blingaleague.com/week/2016/8/
Mike R. def. Babel, 118.84-105.54:
Break up the Bullies! Bernie now has a two-game winning streak thanks to the return of Dez Bryant (21.07). Only two Bullies scored less than ten points. Babel was paced by Jamison Crowder's 20.27.
Pulley def. Derrek, 134.91-90.63:
Tom Brady (31.25) once again was huge for Pulley, as he bounced back with a convincing win over Derrek. D's 22.00 from the Denver defense is all that kept him from falling to last place after Mike R.'s big win.
Kevin def. Schertz, 125.29-89.32:
Derek Carr's 39.95 nearly got Kevin another Blangums, but he'll just have to settle for a 7-1 record. Amari Cooper added 29.07 in a fairly top-heavy week for the Donuts. Schertz got 19.47 and 19.45 from Travis Kelce and Tyrod Taylor, respectively.
Dave def. Richie, 125.04-86.15:
Blake Bottles's - er, Bortles's - garbage-time 32.05 nearly earned Dave Team Blangums, but the Vikings defense (2.00) didn't do enough against the lowly Bears. Richie got 22.15 from Carson Palmer and 20.53 from Rob Gronkowski.
Pat def. Rob, 96.60-74.36:
Our big upset this week came about due to Aaron Rodgers's 34.80 for Pat. Duke Johnson, Jr. added 14.50 for Pat, while Rob was undone by his special teams (Mike Nugent scored 1.00 and the Philadelphia defense scored 0.00).
Allen def. Ed, 104.28-86.50:
Only Matt Forte (22.33 for Ed) cracked 20 points in this matchup, but Allen got enough across the board to crack triple figures. Jordan Reed's 19.20 led the way for Dr. Clark.
Rabbit def. Matt, 86.58-45.78:
Our Blingabowl II and III rematch was a huge dud, as Matt's team barely showed up. Rabs won despite -1.00 from Josh Lambo.
Current Standings
https://blingaleague.com/standings/
Kevin, 7-1, 895.68
Dave, 5-3, 886.47
Rob, 5-3, 856.03
Pulley, 5-3, 855.92
Schertz, 4-4, 854.42
Rabbit, 4-4, 846.59
Ed, 4-4, 803.89
Richie, 4-4, 748.19
Allen, 4-4, 748.12
Pat, 4-4, 691.28
Matt, 3-5, 806.00
Babel, 3-5, 748.72
Derrek, 2-6, 719.83
Mike R., 2-6, 719.50
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Pulley bounced back from his week seven Slapped Heartbeat with a strong 134.91 this week.
Slapped Heartbeat: Matt's 45.78 is the 13th-worst score ever.
Weekly MVP: Derek Carr's 39.95 was instrumental in keeping Kev with only one loss.
Dud of the week: No one personified Matt's week like Mark Ingram, who scored -1.50 and then never touched the ball again.
Start of the Week: N/A.
Misplay of the Week: N/A.
Week Nine Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 7-1, 1st) vs. Not Mos Def (Rob, 5-3, 3rd):
Rob leads all-time series, 8-2.
Another week, another Game of the Blingaweek for Kev.
If Kevin wins: he can't clinch a playoff berth, but he might be able to next week if things break the right way. And Rob will fall to 5-4 and be at real risk of missing the playoffs after a 5-1 start.
If Rob wins: Kevin's probably still OK, as only three teams with seven or more wins have ever missed the playoffs (link). And Rob's in great shape two, as only one of the twenty-seven teams with six wins through nine weeks has been left on the outside (link).
Rob's has some key players on bye (DeAndre Hopkins, Larry Fitzgerald, and LeGarrette Blount) on bye.
That said, Kevin is probably most hurt by byes, with Blingaleague MVP candidate David Johnson having no game this week.
Pick: Not Mos Def.
Other Blingamatches
Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 4-4, 10th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 4-4, 5th):
All-time series tied, 2-2.
If Pat wins: Schertz falls out of playoff position and can't afford many more slip-ups. Pat would be above .500, but his low point total means he's not yet in great shape.
If Schertz wins: JuJu stays in strong playoff position, while Pat would probably have to win out to make it.
Pick: schertzopotamus.
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 5-3, 4th) vs. Inconceivable (Richie, 4-4, 9th):
Pulley leads all-time series, 4-1.
If Pulley wins: See the note about Rob above: six wins through nine weeks is huge for making the playoffs. And Richie, like Pat, will be in very tough position due to his total points.
If Richie wins: See Pat - it guarantees nothing. Pulley would still be in good shape, point-wise, but he wouldn't be able to coast to a playoff berth.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 3-5, 11th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 4-4, 8th):
Matt leads all-time series, 5-3.
If Matt wins: He'll be back in the hunt, but still with lots of work ahead of him. Allen will fall into the Pat/Richie bucket.
If Allen wins: Matt can look forward to keepers. Among the twenty-eight teams with three or fewer wins through nine weeks, only one has made the playoffs (link). Allen, on the other hand, would be in position to grab a playoff berth for the first time since 2011.
Pick: Optimus Prime.
Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 5-3, 2nd) vs. Keep Calm & Le'Veon (Babel, 3-5, 12th):
Babel leads all-time series, 7-2.
If Dave wins: He'll make the playoffs (see Rob and Pulley sections). Mark will be in the market for keepers (though he already has Melvin Gordon).
If Babel wins: He'll have a shot at the playoffs, but points become an issue. Dave is the opposite - points mean he's still in good playoff position as long as he's above .500.
Pick: Keep Calm & Le'Veon.
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 4-4, 6th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 2-6, 13th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 7-3.
If Rabbit wins: Points plus record means Nick will have an inside track to the playoffs after an 0-3 start. Derrek can play for next year.
If Derrek wins: Well, he's still playing for next year. And Rabs might be done. He's won three in a row, so it's tempting to say he's back... but the last two wins have come with sub-90-point scores. A loss to struggling D might mean Rabbit's early season bad luck finally did him in.
Pick: Pralines & Dick.
Live Commish (Ed, 4-4, 7th) vs. Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 2-6, 12th):
Mike R. leads all-time series, 5-4.
If Ed wins: He's back in the playoff picture. Mike continues his season from Hell.
If Mike R. wins: A three-game winning streak for Bernie still doesn't put him in real playoff contention. Ed will also have an uphill climb to return to the playoffs.
Pick: Live Commish.
Closing Thoughts
Good luck, everyone, and to our Cub fan friends tonight.
Ed