The Sanderson Gazette - 2016-11-09 - Ugh

The headline probably explains itself.

Week Nine Recap

Matt def. Allen, 110.71-99.08:

Matt looked to be in bad shape as Ezekiel Elliott racked up 21.87 points early for Allen. But Michael Thomas (21.73) and Mark Ingram (29.53) had huge weeks, pushing Matt back into playoff contention.

Pat def. Schertz, 94.28-86.16:

Don't look now, but Pat's over .500 after nine weeks for the first time since 2009 (link)! Aaron Rodgers's 27.65 led the way for Pat, and Schertz's RBs (Terrance West, 2.90; Antone Smith, 4.10) didn't do much.

Pulley def. Richie, 145.34-69.02:

Pulley got 30.20 from Matt Ryan, 23.87 from Jason Witten, and 20.97 from the newly-acquired DuJuan Harris as he rolled over Richie. Richie's fill-in 49ers RB, Mike Davis, managed only 0.30.

Babel def. Dave, 104.59-86.70:

Babel kept himself in the playoff race thanks to 34.27 from Melvin Gordon. Is there a team name change in his future? Dave's high scorer was Blake Bortles, with 23.00.

Kevin def. Rob, 103.66-74.08:

Kevin won another Game of the Blingaweek, and it was another Raider who led the way; Latavius Murray scored an excellent 31.13 as Kev's only 20-plus scorer. Rob wasted 27.45 from Drew Brees thanks to Allen Hurns's 0.00 and Jerick McKinnon's 0.80.

Rabbit def. Derrek, 133.99-72.25:

Jimmy Graham (25.73) exploded for Nick as he made quick work of D. No one scored more than 16.13 (Allen Robinson) for our new last-place team in the loss.

Ed def. Mike R., 120.23-84.92:

This one was over after Mike Evans put up 32.00 on Thursday night. Eli Manning (23.95) had a good week for the Bullies, but it wasn't enough to catch up.

Current Standings

https://blingaleague.com/standings/

  1. Kevin, 8-1, 999.34

  2. Pulley, 6-3, 1001.26

  3. Rabbit, 5-4, 980.58

  4. Dave, 5-4, 973.17

  5. Rob, 5-4, 930.11

  6. Ed, 5-4, 924.12

  7. Pat, 5-4, 785.56

  8. Schertz, 4-5, 940.58

  9. Matt, 4-5, 916.71

  10. Babel, 4-5, 853.31

  11. Allen, 4-5, 847.20

  12. Richie, 4-5, 817.21

  13. Mike R., 2-7, 804.42

  14. Derrek, 2-7, 792.08

Playoff Scenarios

Kevin clinches a playoff berth with:

  • a win.

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Pulleys' 145.34 earned him his second straight Team Blangums.

Slapped Heartbeat: From the same game, Richie's 69.02 was our weekly low.

Weekly MVP: Melvin Gordon continued his excellent season with 34.27.

Dud of the week: Jerick McKinnon's 0.80 just crushed Rob's chances.

Week Ten Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 5-4, 4th) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 6-3, 2nd):

Dave leads all-time series, 6-4.

Dave still plays: Rabbit, Rob, Kevin.

Pulley still plays: Pat, Ed, Rob.

As recently as last week, Dave looked like a near-lock to make the playoffs, but now he sits in the pack of 5-4 teams with an absolutely brutal remaining schedule. Is 5-8 a real possibility?

Pulley's schedule isn't easy, but it's much less daunting. And, significantly, he's already at six wins and leads the league in points. If he can scrape one win out of his final four, he'll make the playoffs for the fourth straight year.

As for this week, Pulley's matchup for Tom Brady is the Seahawks, which is less than ideal. Dave's matchups don't look great, but might be enough to squeak by.

Pick: Super Bash Bros.

Other Blingamatches

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 8-1, 1st) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 4-5, 9th):

Kevin leads all-time series, 5-4.

Kevin still plays: Allen, Mike R., Dave.

Matt still plays: Rob, Derrek, Mike R.

Kevin's turnaround after two straight last-place finishes has to give hope to all our bottom-feeders. And look at that schedule: 12-1 is a possibility if he can get by Matt. And speaking of easy schedules - Matt's next three opponents have as many wins combined as Kevin already has!

Even better news for Matt is that the Raiders are on bye this week, so Kevin's team is rather depleted.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

Live Commish (Ed, 5-4, 6th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 4-5, 8th):

Schertz leads all-time series, 3-1.

Ed still plays: Richie, Pulley, Babel.

Schertz still plays: Mike R., Babel, Richie.

These guys both have manageable schedules, but could really use a win this week. For Ed, it would really solidify his playoff chances; for Schertz, it would keep him alive.

Ed just nabbed Rob Gronkowski (vs. SEA) via trade. Schertz will be without T.Y. Hilton (bye).

Pick: Live Commish.

Not Mos Def (Rob, 5-4, 5th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 4-5, 11th):

Allen leads all-time series, 5-4.

Rob still plays: Matt, Dave, Pulley.

Allen still plays: Kevin, Rabbit, Derrek.

Even with down-and-out Derrek looming during Rivalry Week, Allen's schedule gives him no room for error. Rob's is also quite tough; after a 5-1 start, is there a real chance he'll actually miss the playoffs?

Drew Brees faces the Broncos for Rob - that is not great. Allen doesn't have great matchups, but with Russell Wilson (@NE) finally playing well and Ezekiel Elliott (@PIT) being awesome, that might be enough to stay in the playoff hunt.

Pick: Optimus Prime.

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 5-4, 3rd) vs. Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 2-7, 13th):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 5-4.

Rabbit still plays: Dave, Allen, Pat.

Mike R.: Schertz, Kevin, Matt.

Rabbit's won five of six since his 0-3 start... and will get a fairly easy schedule from here on out. The playoffs look like a likely outcome for Mr. Warren. Meanwhile, Bernie's finally pulled himself out of the cellar.

Trade rumors suggest Mike's roster could look very different come game time tomorrow. Rabs will be missing Michael Crabtree and LeSean McCoy to their byes, but will that matter against a 2-7 opponent?

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

D's Nuts (Derrek, 2-7, 14th) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 5-4, 7th):

Derrek leads all-time series, 6-1.

Derrek still plays: Babel, Matt, Allen.

Pat still plays: Pulley, Richie, Rabbit.

Derrek's could go 4-0 from here on out thanks to that schedule... but would it matter? In 2008, there were seven teams with more than five wins after nine games (just like this year), and Ed snuck into the playoffs at 6-7. The same happened with Kevin in 2009. Maybe there's hope for D, yet?

Pat's over .500 despite being last in points. Realistically, he needs to finish 3-1 to feel comfortable.

Derrek nabbed Carson Wentz (vs. ATL) off waivers, who should help this week (and have some keeper potential). Pat's currently without a defense.

Pick: Vinegar Strokes.

Keep Calm & Le'Veon (Babel, 4-5, 10th) vs. Inconceivable (Richie, 4-5, 12th):

Babel leads all-time series, 3-1.

Babel still plays: Derrek, Schertz, Ed.

Richie still plays: Ed, Pat, Schertz.

Similar schedules remain for two guys a game out of the playoffs and low point totals. Even with a win here, they both will need some help to play past week thirteen.

Richie swapped Rob Gronkoswki for Todd Gurley (@NYJ), while Babel has three WRs - Randall Cobb (@TEN), Jamison Crowder (vs. MIN), Julian Edelman (vs. SEA) - with fairly tough matchups. Babel also has Melvin Gordon (vs. MIA).

Pick: Keep Calm & Le'Veon.

Closing Thoughts

The trade deadline is Saturday, November 19, so start thinking about making some last-minute deals for the playoff push.

Eddo