"ARE YOU SERIOUS

ARE YOU SERIOUS

ARE YOU SERIOUS

ARE YOU SERIOUS" - Rob, throwing a tantrum as he won Blangums.

"Fuck Rob for beating me with the week I'm having" - Allen.

Week Eleven Recap

Pat def. Derrek, 104.96-104.88:

We'll get to the game that led to the above quotes in a minute, but first: the new closest game in history! Pat got 18.20 from C.J. Prosise on Sunday night, when anything less than 18.12 would have led to a loss. Derrek really could have used any production from his WR2 (Nelson Agholor, 0.93) or flex (Sammie Coates, 0.00) spots. Pat was led by Aaron Rodgers's 28.75 and Tyrell Williams's 22.67.

Rob def. Allen, 135.15-126.44:

Rob freaked out when Ezekiel Elliott scored 42.07 for Allen, but he was actually still ahead at that time. By the time LeGarrette Blount put up 24.90 for Rob, this was over. Rob's Blangums masked another ho-hum week for DeAndre Hopkins (6.40), but Larry Fitzgerald (17.73) and Dez Bryant (21.47) more than made up for it. Allen's score would have won 88% of the time, historically.

Schertz def. Ed, 133.06-99.27:

Ryan Mathews's unexpected outburst of 28.90 put Schertz in great shape, and the Roethlisberger/Brown combo put up 57.53 combined points to ice it away. Ed had no one break twenty points.

Pulley def. Dave, 105.81-91.51:

Pulley moved into clinching territory despite a mediocre game from Tom Brady (13.50). Jordy Nelson (22.80) and Allen Robinson (22.27) filled in admirably. Dave had no one crack twenty points.

Kevin def. Matt, 130.23-80.47:

Kevin continued his dominant season with 25.87 from Doug Baldwin, 23.63 from David Johnson, and 24.10 from Joe Flacco, nearly nabbing his third Team Blangums in the process. Matt got 25.45 from Cam Newton and 18.00 from Julio Jones, but not much else (this could be a copy-paste for every one of his games).

Rabbit def. Mike R., 99.60-84.80:

DeMarco Murray continued his excellent season with 27.20 points. Davante Adams added 20.80, helping Rabs cruise to victory. Mike got 19.90 from the always-frustrating Eli Manning as he slid back into last place.

Babel def. Richie, 89.80-74.86:

Babel's newly-named team improved to .500 on the year despite no one breaking twenty points and getting -3.00 from the Dallas defense. It just so happened that Richie's team was worse, even though Dak Prescott's 20.95 was the highest total in this one.

Current Standings

1. (*) Kevin, 9-1, 1129.57

2. Pulley, 7-3, 1107.07

3. Rabbit, 6-4, 1080.18

4. Rob, 6-4, 1065.26

5. Pat, 6-4, 890.52

6. Schertz, 5-5, 1073.64

7. Dave, 5-5, 1064.68

8. Ed, 5-5, 1023.39

9. Babel, 5-5, 943.11

10. Matt, 4-6, 997.18

11. Allen, 4-6, 973.64

12. Richie, 4-6, 892.07

13. (e) Derrek, 2-8, 896.96

14. (e) Mike R., 2-8, 889.22

(*) clinched playoff berth

(e) eliminated from playoff contention

Playoff Scenarios

Kevin has clinched a playoff berth.

Kevin can clinch a first-round by with:

• a win

OR

• a Rabbit loss AND a Rob loss AND a Pat loss.

Pulley can clinch a playoff berth with:

• a win AND a Schertz loss

OR

• a win AND a Dave loss.

(Mike R. and Derrek have been eliminated from playoff contention.)

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Rob's 135.15 gets him his first $10 prize of the year.

Slapped Heartbeat: Richie's 74.86 isn't THAT bad of a score (.162 expected wins), but it still gets the Slapped Heartbeat award.

Weekly MVP: Ezekiel Elliott's 42.07 was by far the high scorer this week. Too bad it couldn't get Allen the win.

Dud of the Week: Sammie Coates would have earned Derrek the win with one measly yard, but he got zero (and 0.00) instead.

Start of the Week: We all thought Pat would regret sitting Willie Snead's 18.27 and going with Tyrell Williams in his flex, but the Chargers WR got 22.67 and got him the closest win ever.

Misplay of the Week: Derrek just traded for Martellus Bennet... and sat him in favor of Zach Ertz. He cost himself 6.27 points in the process (13.60 over 7.33) in a game he lost by 0.08.

Blessed Cahoots: It didn't really matter for his win this week, but Schertz got over eight points for a desperation 44-yard reception by Antonio Brown (thrown by Ben Roethlisberger) in which the WR didn't actually seem all that desperate for anything but stat-padding yardage (he simply ran out of bounds instead of trying to lateral to a teammate with zero seconds on the clock, down five).

Week Eleven Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 7-3, 2nd) vs. Vinegar Strokes (Pat, 6-4, 5th):

Pulley leads all-time series, 6-1.

Pulley still plays: Ed, Rob.

Pat still plays: Richie, Rabbit.

Pat finds himself in an odd position... over .500 (and in playoff position) after ten weeks (link)! Pulley is 7-3 or better for the third straight year, though (link), so at least there's some normalcy here.

But back to Pat: can he actually make the playoffs? He's got a juicy week twelve matchup with Richie, so winning this week could be huge. He'll fight Pulley's top-tier QB (Tom Brady, @SF) with his own (Aaron Rodgers, @WAS) and has the suddenly-productive C.J. Prosise, albeit against a strong PHI defense. Pulley has a couple of RBs with nagging injury issues in Jonathan Stewart (vs. NO) and Carlos Hyde (vs. NE); if they're healthy, that could make this an easy Pulley win. If not, Pat's got a shot.

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Other Blingamatches

Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 5-5, 7th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 6-4, 3rd):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 6-3.

Dave still plays: Rob, Kevin.

Rabbit still plays: Allen, Pat.

Dave might need this win; his point total has slipped to where he can't feel confident in any tiebreakers for the last playoff spot. Rabs is an interesting case study in timing; he started 0-3 due to a brutal slate of opponents, and is now on a five-game winning streak that includes two sub-90-point victories. He'll be without his usual QB, Philip Rivers (BYE), but will have all three star RBs (Lamar Miller (@OAK), DeMarco Murray (@IND), and LeSean McCoy (@CIN)) active. Dave will be hoping Jordan Howard (@NYG) isn't actually hurt, or else he might see his season slip away.

Pick: Super Bash Bros.

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 9-1, 1st) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 4-6, 11th):

Kevin leads all-time series, 5-4.

Kevin still plays: Mike R., Dave.

Allen still plays: Rabbit, Derrek.

Allen's truly in desperation mode after a very tough loss to Rob in week ten, so the last thing he wants to see is a game against Kevin. Ezekiel Elliott (vs. BAL) will get his, but how will Russell Wilson and Tyler Lockett fare against the Philadelphia defense? Kevin's Raiders (Carr, Murray, Cooper) have a tough matchup against Houston, as does David Johnson @MIN, but his team is just overall so much stronger.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 4-6, 10th) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 6-4, 4th):

Matt leads all-time series, 9-2.

Matt still plays: Derrek, Mike R.

Rob still plays: Dave, Pulley.

If Matt can win this week, that schedule opens up a pretty clear path to the playoffs (though Matt's total points aren't great for tiebreaking purposes). But he'll have to beat Rob witout his best player, as Julio Jones is on bye. Drew Brees plays the leaky Carolina secondary on Thursday night for Rob; that's enough for my pick.

Pick: Rob for Today.

Keep Calm & GordOn (Babel, 5-5, 9th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 2-8, 13th):

Babel leads all-time series, 5-3.

Babel still plays: Schertz, Ed.

Derrek still plays: Matt, Allen.

Derrek's playoff hopes are over, something that can rarely be said prior to week thirteen. But his team's been feisty; during his current six-game losing streak, he's broken 90 four times (2.4 expected wins in the span) and has three losses by less than six points! Babel's won four of five, though, and resurrected his playoff hopes. Former Babel namesake Le'Veon Bell plays the Browns, and the current one is on bye. That's not great for Mark.

Pick: D's Nuts.

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 2-8, 14th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 5-5, 6th):

All-time series tied, 2-2.

Mike R. still plays: Kevin, Matt.

Schertz still plays: Babel, Richie.

Our fifth annual Battle of the Mikes looks like a big mismatch this year. JuJu has the awesome Steelers duo of Ben Roethlisberger and Antonio Brown going against the winless Browns, while Bernie's team is, well, Bernie's team.

Pick: schertzopotamus.

Live Commish (Ed, 5-5, 8th) vs. Inconceivable (Richie, 4-6, 12th):

Ed leads all-time series, 3-1.

Ed still plays: Pulley, Babel.

Richie still plays: Pat, Schertz.

Just last week, Richie cashed in on his season by shipping Rob Gronkowski (@SF) to Ed; one lung injury later, and both these teams are in shambles. At least with Ed, it's temporary; Gronkowski might miss only one week and his three bye-week RBs certainly will. But Richie just lost Alshon Jeffery for the remainder of the regular season. I'll take this break.

Pick: Live Commish.

Closing Thoughts

Good luck down the home stretch, everyone!

And remember, the trade deadline is this Saturday. Trades must be accepted by Saturday at 11:59 PM to be approved.

E$

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