The Sanderson Gazette - 2016-12-07 - Rejection
Let the playoffs begin!
Rivalry Week Recap
Kevin def. Dave, 120.51-106.34:
Our regular-season champ ended his season on a high note and kept his rival out of the playoffs thanks to a Raider explosion. Derek Carr had 23.40, Latavius Murray 23.27, and Amari Cooper 13.87. Throw in David Johnson's 32.53 - and Ryan Fitzpatrick's benching (2.35) for Dave - and Kevin won more comfortably than expected.
Rabbit def. Pat, 110.86-81.13:
Thus ends Pat's playoff hopes. Mr. Gawne got 26.25 from Matthew Stafford, but not much else, as he fell to Nick. Rabs got 15.00 each from Sebastian Janikowski and the Baltimore defense to win this one handily.
Babel def. Ed, 97.25-79.91:
Thanks to Dave's loss, Babel made the playoffs. Melvin Gordon (21.60) was once again his high scorer, and Kirk Cousins (18.55) added a respectable total. Ed got 20.67 from pickup Ladarius Green, but otherwise whimpered to the finish line.
Schertz def. Richie, 111.79-97.61:
Surprisingly, it wasn't Antonio Brown (13.20) who led Schertz to the postseason; T.Y. Hilton, Terrance West, and Ben Roethlisberer all scored between 19.40 and 19.47 to pace JuJu's team. Richie got 25.33 from Golden Tate and 24.20 from Thomas Rawls (in less than a half!), but couldn't pull off the upset to propel Pat into the playoffs.
Mike R. def. Matt, 77.27-70.67:
He finally did it! Bernie finally won a rivalry game! And he did it with negative points from Colin Kaepernick (-0.30)! The two high scorers in this game were Stephen Gostkowski (17.00 for Mike) and Steven Hauschka (16.00) for Matt.
Rob def. Pulley, 110.70-74.94:
The Clash of Hatred was a dud, as Rob raced out to an early lead thanks to Spencer Ware (17.97) and LeGarrette Blount (14.80). DeAndre Hopkins, of all people, put it out of reach with 13.73. Pulley was led by Jordy Nelson's 21.73.
Derrek def. Allen, 89.48-78.18:
Derrek broke his eight game losing streak.
Final Standings
(z) Kevin, 11-2, 1466.52
(b) Rabbit, 9-4, 1422.02
(*) Pulley, 8-5, 1380.77
(*) Rob, 8-5, 1359.38
(*) Schertz, 7-6, 1387.32
(*) Babel, 7-6, 1257.29
(e) Pat, 7-6, 1156.48
(e) Dave, 6-7, 1363.15
(e) Ed, 6-7, 1274.37
(e) Matt, 5-8, 1249.39
(e) Mike R., 5-8, 1249.39
(e) Richie, 5-8, 1145.36
(e) Allen, 4-9, 1254.14
(e) Derrek, 3-8, 1154.71
(*) - clinched a playoff berth
(b) - clinched a first round bye
(z) - clinched regular season championship
(e) - eliminated from playoff contention
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Kevin's 120.51 is his fourth Team Blangums of the season.
Slapped Heartbeat: Matt's disappointing season came to an end with a sad 70.67.
Weekly MVP: David Johson yet again wins this, as he scored 32.53 for Kevin.
Dud of the Week: For Ed: when you need to win to make the playoffs, getting 3.07 from Cole Beasley isn't going to cut it.
Start of the Week / Misplay of the Week: This week was actually the 22nd closest week ever (18.44 average margin), but no game had one player score enough to make up the difference of their game.
Blessed Cahoots: Babel needed two other games to go his way (Dave and Pat losing), and got it. That's about as good as I can do here, folks.
Final Blangums Counts
Kevin: 4
Pulley: 2
Schertz: 2
Matt: 2
Rob: 1
Babel: 1
Allen: 1
Season Postmortems
Derrek Drenckpohl (3-10, 14th):
Derrek's worst season ever did end with a victory over his rival, but... oof. His team actually got worse once Le'Veon Bell returned, but he'll have the option to keep the Steelers' workhorse next year.
Expected wins: 4.7.
Allen Clark (4-9, 13th):
Allen's season wasn't really as bad as his second-to-last-place finish, but it also wasn't particularly good. Ezekiel Elliott was an excellent draft pick and should be a great keeper for the next two years.
Expected wins: 6.1.
Richie Armour (5-8, 12th):
Richie flirted with a playoff berth all year until his record finally came back down to match his actual quality and he lost seven of his last eight games. He added Todd Gurley towards the end of the year, but that's a big question mark when it comes to keeper value.
Expected wins: 4.6.
Mike Romor (5-8, 11th):
Ah, the rare happy-to-finish-eleventh franchise! Bernie started 0-6, but turned around to win five of his last seven. Terrell Pryor, Sr. and Kelvin Benjamin are a pair of cheap, productive WR keepers, so be on the lookout for Mike to return to contention in 2017.
Expected wins: 5.1.
Matt Harrison (5-8, 10th):
Matt had more sub-75-point games (four) than anyone else, including our by-far lowest score of the season (45.78). He also won Blangums twice. Having a top-heavy, Julio-Jones-led roster will do that for you.
Expected wins: 6.1.
Ed Gross (6-7, 9th):
Personally, I've never been more disappointed in my team. Mike Evans and Odell Beckham, Jr. were two of the top five WRs and Matt Forte was a borderline top-ten RB. I tinkered alot, turning Larry Fitzgerald, Kelvin Benjamin, and Tevin Coleman into Rob Gronkowski, Devontae Booker, Cole Beasley, and Cam Newton - which doesn't really sound that bad. I guess if Gronkowski had been healthy, this might sound differently.
Expected wins: 6.7.
Dave Fultz (6-7, 8th):
Typical Dave: top five finish in points, but no playoffs. Jordan Howard was a revelation, though.
Expected wins: 7.6.
Pat Gawne (7-6, 7th):
Typical Pat: bottom-five finish in points, but a surprisingly respectable record. And this year, it was almost good enough to sneak into the playoffs!
Expected wins: 4.9.
Quarterfinals Preview
#3 Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 8-5) vs. #6 Keep Calm & GordOn (Babel, 7-6):
Pulley leads all-time series, 7-6.
On paper, this looks like a mismatch. Pulley hovered in bye position all year, but a two-game losing streak to end the year resulted in him playing in week fourteen. He also stumbled to fourth in expected wins.
But compared to Babel, that looks great. Babel finished eighth in expected wins and points, far behind the Pullman. But a lot of that comes from his rough 1-4 start; since then, he's 6-2.
And this week, Babel might have matchups on his side. Kirk Cousins goes up against the suddenly leaky Philadelphia defense, while Tom Brady faces the strong Baltimore side. And Melvin Gordon would be a Blingaleague MVP candidate if David Johnson didn't exist.
Can I pick against our defending champ? Yes, I can.
Pick: Keep Calm & GordOn.
#4 Rob for Today (Rob, 8-5) vs. #5 schertzopotamus (Schertz, 7-6):
Schertz leads all-time series, 4-2.
This game is a rematch of one of last year's semifinals, which Schertz won comfortably. Will this year be the same?
Schertz's MVPs were Antonio Brown (@BUF) and T.Y. Hilton (vs. HOU), who made up for a relatively weak RB corps.
Rob's MVP was Drew Brees (@TAM), who made up for an unpredictable roster otherwise.
This game could come down to which Chief does better on Thurdsay night vs. OAK: Spencer Ware for Rob, or Travis Kelce for Schertz.
Pick: Rob for Today.
Closing Thoughts
Good luck to all our playoff teams!
E$