"I'd like to express my gratitude to those supporters of KCAL and ultimately KCAG. Particularly, the Bullies proved to be anything but that. As brothers in lack of arms, we were able to shock the world and string together respectable series of wins. To my RB corps, go to hell and may you rot beside your piles of non-fantasy football related money. Even you Melvin Gordon. I may keep you, but even you let me down. These words are still not as harsh as the rash of injuries that spread through the KCAx Bullie commonwealth. On to 2017." - Mark D. Babel, always gracious.

Quarterfinals Recap

Pulley def. Babel, 131.87-98.12:

Babel had an outside shot at the upset going into the Monday night game, but Tom Brady's 29.70 stole the show for Pulley. The Atlanta defense's 26.00 kept Babel in this one despite Melvin Gordon (0.50) getting injured in the first quarter of his game. Pulley's defense, Carolina, was no slouch either, scoring 20.00.

Schertz def. Rob, 77.00-52.34:

Rob for Today? More like Pooisville Fartinals! Rob barely avoided the lowest playoff score ever (fifth-place games excluded), thanks to LeGarrette Blount's 14.13 on Monday night. (Blount was his only double-digit scorer.) Schertz escaped with a win despite Ben Roethlisberger (4.80) and Antonio Brown (10.40) having disappointing games.

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Pulley scored 131.87. That's the fifteenth-highest playoff score ever (including three losses).

Slapped Heartbeat: Rob's 52.34 is the second-lowest playoff score of all time (excluding fifth-place games).

Weekly MVP: Tom Brady put up 29.70, the highest scorer among the quarterfinal participants.

Dud of the Week: Dez Bryant dipped below zero (-0.67) for Rob.

Season Postmortems

Mark Babel (Keep Calm & GordOn, 7-7, 5th/6th):

No one thought Mark would make the playoffs after he started 1-4. But he rode Melvin Gordon, Kirk Cousins, and Jamison Crowder to a 6-2 finish, and made the playoffs thanks to some good outcomes in Rivalry Week.

Rob Gross (Rob for Today, 8-6, 5th/6th):

Rob's season was kind of a mirror for Babel's. He started 5-1 and was thinking about getting a bye. He then suffered a three-game losing streak before winning three of his last four, including the Clash of Hatred, to cement a playoff spot. Of course, once he got there, he crashed and burned, along with his most consistent performer, Drew Brees.

Semifinals Preview

#1 The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 11-2) vs. #5 schertzopotamus (Schertz, 8-6):

Kevin leads all-time series, 3-2. https://blingaleague.com/matchup/4/15/

Kevin's been our top team from about week four onward. That's fairly undisputed. He won Team Blangums four times, broke 100 points ten times, and finished with eleven wins.

Schertz is a little different. He finished the season third in expected wins, but was at risk of missing the playoffs as late as Rivalry Week. He won Blangums twice and broke 100 eight times.

Kevin can't afford another bad week from his Raiders (Derek Carr, Amari Cooper, and Latavius Murray), who play @SD this week. David Johnson's been a stud throughout, though, and plays vs. NO.

Schertz's Steelers, Antonio Brown and Ben Roethlisberger, are @CIN, which isn't as tough a matchup as it looked fourteen weeks ago. His RB situation - Kenneth Farrow (vs. OAK) and Ryan Mathews (@BAL) - is a mess, however.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

#2 Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 9-4) vs. #3 Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 9-5):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 5-4. https://blingaleague.com/matchup/12/7/

Despite making the playoffs ten times combined prior to this year, these two have never met in the playoffs. That's about to change.

Pulley sat at 8-3 through eleven weeks, but a two-game losing streak cost him the second bye. It turned out not to matter, given how well his team played this past week. Tom Brady's matchup - @DEN - is rough this week... but then again, it was this past week, too. Jordy Nelson (@CHI) had a bad game last time he faced the Bears, but will that repeat itself?

Rabs started 1-4, but with 3.3 expected wins. His record corrected itself all the way to second place. This week, Philip Rivers takes on an iffy OAK defense and LeSean McCoy plays against the hapless Browns.

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

Closing Thoughts

In loving memory of Alan Thicke. RIP.

Eddo

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