"Kevin messing up heels and faces is the most face thing ever." - Dave, briefly moving up in the chat power rankings before falling back to #13 4LYFE.

Blingabowl IX Recap

Kevin def. Rabbit, 152.74-89.94:

Kevin left little doubt he was the top team this year, as he had three players put up 27 or more: David Johnson (30.97), Doug Baldwin (29.40), and Jay Ajayi (27.00). Rabs, meanwhile, got only 6.60 from DeMarco Murray and 4.57 from Ty Montgomery, settling for second place for the third time in league history.

Third-Place Game Recap

Pulley def. Schertz, 141.07-117.01:

Schertz takes a tough loss to fall out of the money, though Travis Kelce (27.33) tried his damnedest to catch up to the MondoSquad's huge score. Jordy Nelson's 32.53 led the way for Adam, who finishes in the money for the fourth straight year.

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums: Kevin's 152.74 is the sixth-highest playoff score and second-highest Blingabowl score in history.

Slapped Heartbeat: Rabbit's 89.94 is the fourth-lowest Blingabowl score - and his second-lowest - ever.

Weekly MVP: David Johnson's 30.97 paced our champ.

Weekly Dud: Sebastian Janikowski scored only 1.00 point for Rabs.

Annual MVP: I don't think anyone would argue that David Johnson ran away with this.

Annual Dud: Take your pick between Rob's two keepers: Todd Gurley consistenly underperformed, and was traded twice; DeAndre Hopkins consistenly underperformed, and was rarely played by the end of the year.

Season Postmortems

Nick "Rabbit" Warren (10-5, 2nd):

Sitting at 0-3 and 1-4 at various times, it looked like Rabs was going to miss the playoffs for the second straight year. But after winning his last eight games, he found himself with a bye, and eventually up against the Kevin juggernaut in Blingabowl IX. His RB-heavy draft paid off, as Lamar Miller, DeMarco Murray, and, in particular, LeSean McCoy had excellent years.

Expected wins: 8.6.

Kevin Pattermann (13-2, 1st):

We saw this coming all year - our first worst-to-first in Blingaleague history. Kevin rode his Raiders (Derek Carr, Amari Cooper, and Latavius Murray) and David Johnson to one of the finest regular seasons we've ever seen: only the eighth season with eleven or more wins, seventh with 1450 or more points, and the sixth with nine or more expected wins.

Expected wins: 9.2.

Final Standings

1. Kevin

2. Rabbit

3. Pulley

4. Schertz

5. Rob

6. Babel

7. Pat

8. Dave

9. Ed

10. Matt

11. Mike R.

12. Richie

13. Allen

14. Derrek

Final Payouts

(First-second-third pays out $258-$129-$43.)

Kevin: $298 (first place plus four Blangums)

Rabbit: $129 (second place)

Pulley: $63 (third place plus two Blangums)

Schertz: $20 (two Blangums)

Matt: $20 (two Blangums)

Rob: $10 (one Blangums)

Babel: $10 (one Blangums)

Allen: $10 (one Blangums)

(unless otherwise requested, sub-$40 values will be deducted from next year's dues, not paid out now)

Blingapower Rankings

(Overall records (link) include regular season games only.)

14. Pat Gawne (last year: 13th) https://blingaleague.com/team/13/

• 2016: 7-6, 1156.48, 7th

• Overall record: 42-62 (.404, 13th)

• Best finish: 7th (2016)

• Worst finish: 12th (2010, 2013)

• Playoff appearances: 0

• Robscore: 0.00

Pat almost reached the promised land for the first time this year, but he really had been playing over his head for most of the year. And Kevin's ascendance means that the #14 slot is open again.

NFL equivalent: He's always been the Raiders, but that's not happening this year. Let's go with the current longest playoff drought: the Buffalo Bills.

13. Richie Armour (last year: 10th) https://blingaleague.com/team/14/

• 2016: 5-8, 1145.36, 12th

• Overall record: 25-40 (.385, 14th)

• Best finish: 4th (2015)

• Worst finish: 14th (2012)

• Playoff appearances: 1

• Robscore: 1.00

Richie made the playoffs last year with a team that was stronger than its record. This year he was in playoff position for longer than he should have been, and had the fewest points and expected wins when all was said and done. He stays ahead of Pat based on that single semifinals appearance.

NFL equivalent: Arizona Cardinals.

12. Derrek Drenckpohl (last year: 11th) https://blingaleague.com/team/9/

• 2016: 3-10, 1154.71, 14th

• Overall record: 58-59 (.496, 7th)

• Best finish: 3rd (2009, 2010)

• Worst finish: 14th (2016)

• Playoff appearances: 4

• Robscore: 4.50

When you hit rock bottom, you need to fall at least one spot in the rankings.

NFL equivalent: New York Jets.

11. Allen Clark (last year: 12th) https://blingaleague.com/team/10/

• 2016: 4-9, 1254.14

• Overall record: 52-65 (.444, 11th)

• Best finish: 4th (2010)

• Worst finish: 14th (2013)

• Playoff appearances: 3

• Robscore: 3.00

Allen had a better team this year (6.1 expected wins) than he's had in a while... but still finished in 13th.

NFL equivalent: the Bears are better than their record, but might not even match Allen's four wins.

10. Mike Romor (last year: 9th) https://blingaleague.com/team/6/

• 2016: 5-8, 1172.18, 11th

• Overall record: 57-60 (.487, 9th)

• Best finish: 5th (2013)

• Worst finish: 11th (2010, 2016)

• Playoff appearances: 3

• Robscore: 3.00

Mike started 0-6, but won five of his final seven games. At least he's the undisputed #1 in the BlingaCHAT power rankings.

NFL equivalent: This remains the easiest pick on the board: Marvin Mike is the Bengals.

9. Dave (and Kyle) Fultz (last year: 8th) https://blingaleague.com/team/5/

• 2016: 6-7, 1363.15, 8th

• Overall record: 50-67 (.427, 12th)

• Best finish: 4th (2013)

• Worst finish: 12th (2011)

• Playoff appearances: 2

• Robscore: 2.00

Dave consistently has a worse record than his point totals would indicate (.522 expected winning percentage).

NFL equivalent: A team that is always worse than its peripherals make it look? That's the current edition of the Philadelphia Eagles.

8. Ed Gross (last year: 7th) https://blingaleague.com/team/1/

• 2016: 6-7, 1274.37, 9th

• Overall record: 62-55 (.530, 5th)

• Best finish: 2nd (2010)

• Worst finish: 12th (2015)

• Playoff appearances: 6

• Robscore: 7.75

After making the playoffs for the first six seasons, I've now missed out three years in a row.

NFL equivalent: New Orleans Saints.

7. Kevin Pattermann (last year: 14th) https://blingaleague.com/team/4/

• 2016: 11-2, 1466.52, 1st

• Overall record: 54-63 (.462, 10th)

• Best finish: 1st (2016)

• Worst finish: 14th (2014, 2015)

• Playoff appearances: 3

• Robscore: 4.50

Just like his season-to-season record, Kevin makes the largest jump here. His 2016 was dominant, but these rankings don't forget the previous six seasons of staying home for the playoffs, either.

NFL equivalent: This is too perfect: the Oakland Raiders.

6. Mark Babel (last year: 5th) https://blingaleague.com/team/8/

• 2016: 7-6, 1257.29, 6th

• Overall record: 60-57 (.513, 6th)

• Best finish: 1st (2014)

• Worst finish: 13th (2013)

• Playoff appearances: 5

• Robscore: 7.00

Babel snuck into the playoffs, and he has that Sanderson Cup to match Kevin, so he stays a slot ahead of our current champ.

NFL equivalent: He was the Ravens the past few years, and he'll stay the Ravens. Some deep playoff runs with some disappointing seasons.

5. Mike Schertz (last year: 6th) https://blingaleague.com/team/15/

• 2016: 7-6, 1387.32, 4th

• Overall record: 32-33 (.492, 8th)

• Best finish: 2nd (2015)

• Worst finish: 13th (2014)

• Playoff appearances: 2

• Robscore: 2.75

JuJu's second straight semifinals appearance bumps him ahead of Mr. Babel. And if anything, his record underrated how good his team was, as he finished third in expected wins, with 8.0.

NFL equivalent: Atlanta Falcons.

4. Rob Gross (last year: 4th) https://blingaleague.com/team/3/

• 2016: 8-5, 1359.38, 5th

• Overall record: 64-53 (.547, 4th)

• Best finish: 2nd (2013)

• Worst finish: 13th (2012)

• Playoff appearances: 7

• Robscore: 8.75

Rob's fourth straight playoff appearance keeps him ahead of Schertz.

NFL equivalent: Kansas City Chiefs.

3. Matt Harrison (last year: 1st) https://blingaleague.com/team/2/

• 2016: 5-8, 1249.39, 10th

• Overall record: 66-51 (.564, 2nd)

• Best finish: 1st (2009, 2012, 2013)

• Worst finish: 12th (2008)

• Playoff appearances: 6

• Robscore: 10.50

A tenth place finish, including being eliminated from the playoffs prior to rivalry week, means you can't stay at #1. But a two-spot drop? Take a look at what Pulley's been doing lately, and then at Matt's three-year run of finishing out of the money, and this doesn't seem so weird.

NFL equivalent: This was tough. Though he missed the playoffs this year, unlike the Seahawks, I think they're the best fit for Matt. Ridiculously dominant a few years back, but now not quite in the same form.

2. Adam Pulley (last year: 2nd) https://blingaleague.com/team/7/

• 2016: 8-5, 1380.77, 3rd

• Overall record: 65-52 (.556, 3rd)

• Best finish: 1st (2008, 2015)

• Worst finish: 12th (2009)

• Playoff appearances: 6

• Robscore: 9.50

Pulley's four-year streak of finishing in the money matches Rabbit's 2009-2012 run. And he has only one fewer Sanderson Cup - and one fewer regular-season win - than Matt, so I'll let recency keep him ahead of our Monster Heel.

NFL equivalent: The Patriots have made the AFC Championship - the NFL's semifinals - five straight years. And Pulley's no stranger to being a heel, either.

1. Nick "Rabbit" Warren (last year: 3rd) https://blingaleague.com/team/12/

• 2016: 9-4, 1422.02, 2nd

• Overall record: 75-42 (.641, 1st)

• Best finish: 1st (2010, 2011)

• Worst finish: 11th (2013, 2015)

• Playoff appearances: 6

• Robscore: 12.25

Rabbit has nine more wins than the next closest record. That means he averages a full win more per season than second place. And he's made the Blingabowl five times.

NFL equivalent: There is none, so I'm going to dip into the college game: Rabs is Alabama.

Draft Lottery

The odds for getting the #1 overall pick are:

Derrek => 21.25%

Allen => 16.69%

Richie => 13.48%

Mike R. => 13.31%

Matt => 12.81%

Ed => 8.73%

Dave => 8.15%

Pat => 5.58%

Closing Thoughts

Happy New Year, everyone!

Eddo

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