The Sanderson Gazette - 2017-09-13 - Underwhelming
With no truly horrific scores, week one avoids falling into the bottom 20 weeks of all-time (link). But the two 100+ scoring teams is the fewest we've ever had to start the season (link).
Week One Recap
Allen def. Babel, 95.93-94.71:
We'll lead off with our second-closest margin ever in week one (link). Allen got 29.50 from Matthew Stafford and 15.20 from Ezekiel Elliott, while Babel got 24.23 from Tyreek Hill and 19.20 from rookie Leonard Fournette. But Babel can blame this loss on either of two things: the New England defense scored -2.00, and he left Kareem Hunt's 43.87 on his bench.
Schertz def. Ed, 121.76-99.63:
Schertz put up the weekly high score thanks to a trio of 22+ players: Antonio Brown (24.27), Stefon Diggs (23.80), and the Eagles defense (22.00). Ed had the overall high scorer - the Rams defense (30.00) - but otherwise couldn't do enough to pass JuJu.
Dave def. Mike R., 120.77-95.23:
This game was a roller coaster of emotion. On Thursday night, Dave managed only 5.73 and 6.00 from Travis Kelce and Cairo Santos, respectively, while Bernie got 22.50 and 9.00 from Mike Gillislee and Stephen Gostkowski. But by the end of the early Sunday games, Dave was the one who had this in the bag; he got 28.00 from the Jaguars defense, 20.90 from Marcus Mariota, and 14.97 from Golden Tate, while Mike could only manage 20.30 from Derek Carr. Dave missed out on Team Blangums by less than one point.
Rob def. Rabbit, 98.55-82.89:
Rob didn't have anyone crack 20 points, but he did get double digits from over half his team, which was enough to put up an overall solid score. Rabs got 17.53 from LeSean McCoy, but no one else put up more than Matt Bryant's 12.00, resulting in disappointment overall.
Kevin def. Matt, 95.74-77.11:
Kevin got a big Monday night - 20.93 from Adam Thielen, 19.10 from Philip Rivers, and 10.67 from Keenan Allen - to pass Matt and take our Game of the Blingaweek. Matt managed to get 16.53 from Jordy Nelson, but also suffered through 0.53 from Tyler Eifert and 2.27 (including a torn ACL) from Allen Robinson.
Pulley def. Derrek, 76.99-70.70:
Derrek got more than half his points from two players, Matt Ryan (20.15) and Austin Hooper (23.07) - much of that on one 88-yard touchdown between the pair. The rest of his lineup's futility (including -0.06 from Jamison Crowder, Mike Wallace, and the Houston defense combined) allowed Pulley to put up his own sub-standard week and still get the win (more on that later).
Pat def. Richie, 83.52-73.30:
This game rivaled the Pulley-Derrek tilt for dud of the week, as it managed zero 20-point scorers. Pat did have more 10+ players than Richie did (four vs. two), which was enough to nab the win.
Current Standings
Schertz, 1-0, 121.76
Dave, 1-0, 120.77
Rob, 1-0, 98.55
Allen, 1-0, 95.93
Kevin, 1-0, 95.74
Pat, 1-0, 83.52
Pulley, 1-0, 76.99
Ed, 0-1, 99.63
Mike R., 0-1, 95.23
Babel, 0-1, 94.71
Rabbit, 0-1, 82.89
Matt, 0-1, 77.11
Richie, 0-1, 73.30
Derrek, 0-1, 70.70
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Schertz nabbed his second straight week one Blangums with 121.76.
Slapped Heartbeat: Derrek's 70.70 keeps him in last place.
Weekly MVP: How about Antonio Brown (24.27) for Schertz?
Dud of the Week: The Patriots defense scored -2.00, costing Babel a victory.
Start of the Week: Allen chose Randall Cobb (11.33) at a flex spot over Eddie Lacy (0.30) and others and won a close game.
Misplay of the Week: Babel left Kareem Hunt's 43.87 on his bench. I can't say I'd have played him, but Mark was killing himself over this in the chat, so I'll oblige with the award.
Blessed Cahoots: Pulley's 76.99 would win less than one in five games (link), but lucky for him, his opponent got his heartbeat slapped.
Week Two Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 1-0, 5th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 1-0, 1st):
Kevin leads all-time series, 4-2 (link).
Even without David Johnson (IR), Kevin's team still looks damn good. He's got Jay Ajayi (@LAC), who's already had his bye, at RB, and four solid WRs in DeAndre Hopkins (@CIN), Amari Cooper (vs. NYJ), Adam Thielen (@PIT), and Keenan Allen (vs. MIA) to fill out his lineup.
And yet, Schertz might have even better WRs. Antonio Brown (vs. MIN) is the best there is, and T.Y. Hilton (vs. ARI), Stefon Diggs (@PIT), and Ted Ginn, Jr. (vs. NE) all have proven track records.
This one probably comes down to which QB performs better. Philip Rivers (vs. MIA) for Kev or Ben Roethlisberger (vs. MIN) for JuJu.
Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.
Other Blingamatches
Live Commish (Ed, 0-1, 8th) vs. Chili Right Away (Dave, 1-0, 2nd):
Dave leads all-time series, 6-5 (link).
That 6-5 Dave lead is due to six straight wins! I hope to get my revenge with my best player (Mike Evans, vs. CHI) coming off an unexpected week one bye and with Russell Wilson bouncing back vs. the 49ers. Dave hopes to add another 120-point week to his ledger with Odell Beckham, Jr. (vs. DET) also back.
Pick: Live Commish.
Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 1-0, 7th) vs. Noodles and Vistas (Pat, 1-0, 6th):
Pulley leads all-time series, 7-1 (link).
Our two least likely week one winners face off in a week two battle of QBs. Pulley has Tom Brady at the Saints, who just allowed Sam Bradford to look like an all-pro, while Pat sends Aaron Rodgers at Atlanta, where he looks for NFC Championship revenge. Pulley has the edge at RB (Todd Gurley (vs. WAS) over Ty Montgomery (@ATL)), which is probably enough for the overall edge in this matchup.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 0-1, 9th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 1-0, 4th):
Mike R. leads all-time series, 6-4 (link).
Matthew Stafford (@NYG) led Allen to victory last week; can he do it again? And how will Ezekiel Elliott do at the traditionally-strong Denver defense? Meanwhile, Bernie is sending the Arizona defense against the awful-looking Colts and Derek Carr against the possibly-more-awful Jets.
Pick: Bernie's Bullies.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 0-1, 12th) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 1-0, 3rd):
Matt leads all-time series, 9-3 (link).
Matt had a rough first week, failing to break 80 points. What happened to our Hammers juggernaut? Marshawn Lynch (vs. NYJ) and Jordy Nelson (@ATL) should get him back on track this week, but watch out for a potential shootout in New Orleans, where Rob has Drew Brees (vs. NE) and Brandin Cooks (@NO) going.
Pick: Harrison Hammers.
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 0-1, 11th) vs. Inconceivable (Richie, 0-1, 13th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 4-1 (link).
Don't forget, Rabs was 0-1 last year... though with a more impressive week one (link). Richie was 1-0, with only a little better score than this year. This game will turn on how well Denver's defense (for Rabs) plays against Dak Prescott (for Richie).
Pick: Inconceivable.
Keep Calm & GordOn (Babel, 0-1, 10th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 0-1, 14th):
Babel leads all-time series, 6-3 (link).
Babel has to be encouraged by Leonard Fournette's (vs. TEN) week one performance; should Derrek be worried about Le'Veon Bell's (vs. MIN)? The Steelers didn't use Bell much against the lowly Browns, and the Vikings looked quite good against the Saints last week, so... maybe?
Pick: Keep Calm & GordOn.
Closing Thoughts
Even though week one had the 21st-lowest average score ever, there is some good news: it had the 9th-closest margin of victory ever!
LiveCommish