The Sanderson Gazette - 2017-11-08 - Finally
In which Dave finally gets the award he's been pining for all season...
Week Nine Recap
https://blingaleague.com/week/2017/9/
Richie def. Ed, 104.81-104.41:
Let's get this game out of the way first. The 0.40 margin is tied for the 12th-closest ever, and for it to happen, we needed:
T.Y. Hilton going off for 35.33 points for Ed;
Jonathan Stewart to fumble twice and put up -1.90 for Ed;
the Giants defense scoring -7.00 for Richie;
Blair Walsh going 0/3 on field goals and giving Ed -3.00;
Adrian Peterson scoring 14.97, including 2.5 on a meaningless 25-yard rush while running out the clock.
This is probably the closest we've ever come to a tie, given that only two fewer rushing yards by Peterson or Carlos Hyde (15.30) or two more by Stewart or Lamar Miller (10.23) would have brought this game to exactly even.
Babel def. Mike R., 69.95-60.97:
This came was also close all of Sunday, but moreso due to to the ineptitude of the two teams. Derek Carr (16.20) was the only Bullie to break ten points, and while Babel did get double digits from both Tyreek Hill (15.43) and the Jaguars defense (12.00), he also took -1.20 from O.J. Howard.
Pulley def. Allen, 106.66-98.75:
Despite being a blowout for most of Sunday, this game wound up as our second-closest of the week. Allen just couldn't get enough from Matthew Stafford (25.55) and Randall Cobb (7.83) on Monday night, though. Pulley was led by Todd Gurley II (23.90, and when did he add the "II" to his name?) and got just enough from his replacement QB, Joe Flacco (16.75).
Kevin def. Rob, 111.23-91.89:
Kevin hasn't been able to snag a Blangums this year after earning four last year, but he got close this week. Alvin Kamara (28.00) and DeAndre Hopkins (17.47) were instrumental in his victory (who could have predicted that?) and fill-in QB Jacoby Brissett (21.10) had a very nice game. Rob didn't have a bad week, but getting more from DeSean Jackson (4.13) would have been nice.
Pat def. Derrek, 108.09-88.62:
Break up the Vistas! Pat got another good game from Tyrod Taylor (26.25) and for the second straight week was our #3 scorer. The Saints defense added 18.00 for Pat, while only Jared Cook's 16.80 is worth writing about for D.
Dave def. Schertz, 114.92-77.92:
Schertz's shiny new QB, Russell Wilson (25.55) did what he's done all year: look shitty for one half, but still manage to score more than 20 points. But outside of Matt Forte (22.23), the rest of his roster let him down hard. Dave got big games from Carson Wentz (26.25) and Alshon Jeffery (23.20) and remained in first place.
Rabbit def. Matt, 92.41-66.68:
Marvin Jones, Jr. scored 26.27 for Rabs. Doug Martin scored 0.70 for Matt. Any questions?
Current Standings
https://blingaleague.com/standings/
Dave, 7-2, 985.98
Pulley, 7-2, 940.06
Rob, 6-3, 886.34
Kevin, 6-3, 863.23
Babel, 5-4, 944.78
Derrek, 5-4, 901.95
Rabbit, 5-4, 796.24
Richie, 4-5, 795.01
Ed, 3-6, 865.89
Schertz, 3-6, 827.30
Pat, 3-6, 818.97
Matt, 3-6, 749.72
Allen, 3-6, 749.53
Mike R., 3-6, 722.59
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums: Dave's 114.92 is the sixth-lowest Blangums of all-time... but he'll take the $10.
Slapped Heartbeat: Mike R.'s season hit a new low (by 0.03) at 60.97.
Weekly MVP: Dak Prescott's 28.65 wasn't even the QB high in his game, but it was close enough to Jared Goff's 31.55 to nudge Richie to a win.
Dud of the Week: Blair Walsh's -3.00 is pretty unheard of for a kicker.
Start of the Week: Richie wasn't tempted by Jamaal Charles (3.17), instead going with Joe Mixon (11.10) and Adrian Peterson (14.97).
Misplay of the Week: Jonathan Stewart's -1.90 caused Ed to lose; he could have played Matt Breida's 2.50 instead.
Blessed Cahoots: The winner of Richie/Ed was going to get this no matter what. Richie won thanks to Ed's kicker going 0/3, overcoming his own horrible luck from the Giants defense, so he'll take this award.
Week Ten Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Keep Calm & GordOn (Babel, 5-4, 5th) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 7-2, 2nd):
Pulley leads all-time series, 8-6 (link).
Babel still plays: Rob, Kevin, Ed.
Pulley still plays: Mike R., Ed, Rob.
My first reaction here is: Babel's remaining schedule is brutal. He might have a top-two roster this year, and going 2-2 from here on out should get him into the playoffs, but that won't necessarily be easy. This week, he'll be without Tyreek Hill and Kareem Hunt, as the Chiefs are on bye. He did just trade for Ben Roethlisberger (@IND), who has a good matchup, and Leonard Fournette (vs. LAC) should be back after his one-week benching. But without Hill, his WRs aren't that promising; Dez Bryant (@ATL) is nursing an injury, Josh Doctson (vs. MIN) is all-or-nothing, and Dede Westbrook (vs. LAC) hasn't played yet this year.
Pulley survived his own bad bye week and will have Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski back at the suddenly-not-so-imposing Broncos. Throw in Todd Gurley II (vs. HOU), who might be the fantasy MVP so far this season, and Pulley should make Babel's road to the playoffs that much tougher.
Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.
Other Blingamatches
Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 5-4, 7th) vs. Chili Right Away (Dave, 7-2, 1st):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 7-3 (link).
Rabbit still plays: Schertz, Derrek, Pat.
Dave still plays: Matt, Richie, Kevin.
The .109 gap in expected winning percentage between Dave and our current #2 (Pulley) is just barely the second-most all time through nine weeks (2010 Rabbit had a margin of .111 over #2 Dave). And while he can't officially clinch this week, a win will all but do so, as he'll be three games up on seventh place with three to play. Rabbit is still very much alive for the playoffs, though his low point total means he really needs to go 3-1 from here on out to feel comfortable.
As for this week, Carson Wentz and Alshon Jeffery are on bye, but Dave just acquired Antonio Brown (@IND), who should have a big game against the hapless Colts. Dave's team is so deep that even without Jeffery and his usual TE, Travis Kelce, he can play Kelvin Benjamin (vs. NO) and Cameron Brate (vs. NYJ). Rabs will hope Marvin Jones, Jr. (vs. CLE) continues his surprisingly strong year and LeSean McCoy (vs. NO) bounces back from a poor week.
Pick: Chili Right Away.
The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 6-3, 4th) vs. Palmer is ALL Right (Richie, 4-5, 8th):
Kevin leads all-time series, 3-2 (link).
Kevin still plays: Allen, Babel, Dave.
Richie still plays: Derrek, Dave, Schertz.
While Kevin would be the first to tell you his team is nowhere near last year's vintage, he's in solid enough position that merely one win should cement a return trip to the postseason. Richie's close escape this past week means that he, somehow, is still alive for the playoffs; should he upset Kevin, next week's matchup with Derrek could be huge for his chances.
Richie's matchups aren't great, but if the DAL-ATL game ends up being a shootout, Dak Prescott and Julio Jones could push him to victory. Meanwhile, Kevin's sending out Philip Rivers and Keenan Allen against the top-rated Jaguars passing defense, so maybe Richie's chances are better than they first appear...
Pick: Palmer is ALL Right.
Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 3-6, 14th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 5-4, 6th):
Mike R. leads all-time series, 7-4 (link).
Mike R. still plays: Pulley, Schertz, Matt.
Derrek still plays: Richie, Rabbit, Allen.
Last year at this time, both these teams were 2-7. They both improved upon that, but to very different degrees. Prior to his current two-game losing streak, Derrek looked like a solid playoff team; as it is now, this isn't quite a must-win, but he absolutely must go at least .500 the rest of the way against a favorable schedule.
Le'Veon Bell (@IND) is back from his bye, which is probably enough to beat Bernie. That is, unless A.J. Green manages to put up 30+ points at Tennessee.
Pick: D's Nuts.
Live Commish (Ed, 3-6, 9th) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 6-3, 3rd):
Ed leads all-time series, 7-4 (link).
Ed still plays: Pat, Pulley, Babel.
Rob still plays: Babel, Allen, Pulley.
I went from above average with tough luck, to outright bad, to pretty good with tough luck - leaving me needing to win out (and likely get some help) to sneak into the playoffs. Rob is all but clinched; if he can win one game and average at least 80 points per game from here on out, I don't see how he'd miss the playoffs. But stranger things have happened, I guess.
We look pretty even this week. Mike Evans's suspension hurts me, but JuJu Smith-Schuster (@IND) and Jerick McKinnon (@WAS) are back and Jared Goff plays against a Houston team that just made Jacoby Brissett look like Andrew Luck. Drew Brees (@BUF) might not have a great matchup, but he's still Drew Brees, and Rob can seemingly count production from Jarvis Landry (@CAR) and Brandin Cooks (@DEN) no matter what.
Pick: Live Commish.
Noodles and Vistas (Pat, 3-6, 11th) vs. Optimus Prime (Allen, 3-6, 13th):
Pat leads all-time series, 5-4 (link).
Pat still plays: Ed, Matt, Rabbit.
Allen still plays: Kevin, Rob, Derrek.
It's rare that Pat is ahead of four teams that have the same record as him, but he's on a nice run since Aaron Rodgers went down, somehow, having scored no lower than 93.31 since week five. It's too late to make the playoffs, but he can definitely play spoiler for... well, Rabbit in week thirteen, I guess. Allen's team is frisky, but ultimately not that dangerous. And if Ezekiel Elliott (@ATL) finally misses time because of his suspension, then Allen might be looking at a ten-loss season.
Pick: Noodles and Vistas.
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 3-6, 12th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 3-6, 10th):
Matt leads all-time series, 4-1 (link).
Matt still plays: Dave, Pat, Mike R.
Schertz still plays: Rabbit, Mike R., Richie.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Schertz just went all-in on getting Jordan Howard (vs. GB) as a keeper after trying to salvage his season by trading for Russell Wilson (@ARI). Matt's #1 pick, Jordy Nelson (@CHI) has been neutered by the Aaron Rodgers injury, and Cam Newton (vs. MIA) remains enigmatic.
Pick: schertzopotamus.
Closing Thoughts
Week nine was the 18th-closest week in history.
November 11 is the trade deadline.
LiveCommish