The Sanderson Gazette - 2018-09-04 - Volume II, Issue 1

Week One Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Harrison Hammers (Matt) vs. Not an MD (Scott):

All-time series tied, 0-0.

Scott's inaugural Blingamatch comes against someone he's known nearly thirty years.

Our newest member isn't quite as all-in on the Lions as his draft suggested, as he currently isn't starting Kerryon Johnson (vs. NYJ). That said, he'll be needing Matthew Stafford and Golden Tate to beat up on the Jets for him to be in position to win... and he'll also need Matt to get fewer points from his own Lion, Kenny Golladay.

For one week, at least, Matt's two-TE strategy is paying off; he can play Rob Gronkowski (vs. HOU) and sit Evan Engram against the tough Jaguars pass defense. Michael Thomas should put up big numbers vs. TAM and Brandin Cooks (@OAK) is facing a team that just traded away its best defensive player.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

Other Blingamatches

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R.) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek):

Mike R. leads all-time series, 7-5.

Up next, we have a matchup of our reigning champ vs. the guy coming off what is probably our worst season ever. And yet, even in 2017, this game had less than a five point margin. I expect it to be just as close this year; Mike has the edge at WR (Antonio Brown @CLE and Adam Thielen vs. SF) and TE (Travis Kelce @LAC), while D has the edge at RB (Le'Veon Bell @CLE and Christian McCaffrey vs. DAL).

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

keanu losing (Richie) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley):

Pulley leads all-time series, 5-2.

I'm not quite sure what Richie's team name means, but I do know his team looks to be much improved this year. DeAndre Hopkins (@NE) and Tom Brady (vs. HOU) should provide some fireworks for Mr. Armour, while Pulley is stacking Andrew Luck and T.Y. Hilton vs. CIN. Just how much Todd Gurley II (@OAK) scores for Pulley should be what decides this one; over 20, and the Pullman should be victorious.

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

HuntFournetteOctober (Babel) vs. Rob for Today (Rob):

Rob leads all-time series, 7-5.

Yes, I bumped the Dickran Duel down to fourth billing to start the year. Rob's team is led by Deshaun Watson (@NE) and his WRs (A.J. Green @IND and Tyreek Hill @LAC) and doesn't really have any holes. Babel has some star power himself - Leonard Fournette (@NYG) and Kareem Hunt (@LAC) are the strongest pair of RBs across the Blingaleague right now - but has some question marks at some other places.

Pick: Rob for Today.

Noodles and Vistas (Pat) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin):

Pat leads all-time series, 7-2.

Kevin hasn't put in his starters yet, but you figure Alvin Kamara (vs. TAM) and Keenan Allen (vs. KC) are no-brainers. First-round pick Devonta Freeman has a tougher matchup @PHI, though. Pat'll be reliant on a couple Titans, with Marcus Mariota and Dion Lewis @MIA. Kev has minimal margin for error as he seeks out an unprecedented third straight ten-win season, but I think he'll make it through this week without using one of his three lives.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Chili Right Away (Dave) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz):

Dave leads all-time series, 4-2.

I'm choosing to highlight the fact that these guys have defenses that are facing each other in real life (Los Angeles Chargers for Dave, Kansas City for Schertz).

Pick: schertzopotamus.

Live Commish (Ed) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 10-3.

I already took a blow when keeper Jerick McKinnon tore his ACL, but I think I have enough flex depth to cover it with Devin Funchess (vs. DAL) stepping into a starting slot this week. Legacy player LeSean McCoy (@BAL) avoided suspension, but he still has a tough matchup for Rabs.

Pick: Live Commish.

League Dues

Thank you to everyone who has paid. By my records, only Schertz ($30), Rob ($30), and Kevin ($20) still owe me.

Closing Thoughts

Check out the new Top Seasons page on blingaleague.com to understand just how bad the Bullies were in 2017 (1.57% chance of going winless, over two times the next most likely team) and how sneaky good Dave was (a low score of 88.80, the second highest minimum score ever, and 9.31 expected wins, the sixth most ever). They both won the same number of playoff games, though.