The Sanderson Gazette - 2018-09-26 - Slapped Threepeat
"If Dave believes in Dave, then at least one person believes in Dave." - Babel
Week 3 Recap
Matt def. Derrek, 95.79-87.66:
Our Game of the Blingaweek had our lowest-scoring winner, as Matt got a second straight (relative) dud from Rob Gronkowski (6.80) and a true dud from Dan Bailey (0.00). That's better than D, though, who suffered through 0.93 from Robby Anderson and 2.00 from the Vikings defense (against Buffalo!).
Scott def. Pat, 107.26-73.08:
Scott got his first Blingaleague victory! It happened later than Richie's (first game), but sooner than Schertz's (fifth game). Scott can thank Patrick Mahomes II (27.40) and waiver pickup Tyler Boyd (24.10). Pat's kicker, Wil Lutz (15.00), had over a fifth of his total points.
Rabbit def. Kevin, 140.04-101.62:
Rabbit's explosion, after failing to break 93 points the first two weeks, is surprising. Matt Ryan (42.40), Robert Woods (27.17), and Chris Carson (19.13) all put up their best games of the year. Kev took a tough loss, as Ben Roethlisberger (26.05) and Alvin Kamara (23.13) couldn't offset Keenan Allen (3.37) and Stefon Diggs (2.27).
Mike R. def. Schertz, 115.37-99.89:
Break up the Bullies? Cam Newton (30.60) outplayed Aaron Rodgers (20.55) in this matchup, so Schertz took the loss despite having the next highest scorer, Saquon Barkley (18.87).
Babel def. Pulley, 116.13-87.17:
Babel got big weeks from Jared Goff (28.60) and Mike Evans (24.27), while Pulley's eight-year week three winning streak was snapped. This loss also ended Pulley's remarkable five-year streak of being in first or second place after week three.
Rob def. Richie, 114.48-73.89:
Rob was the beneficiary of Calvin Ridley's 38.37-point explosion, and he needed it, as he had only two other players hit double digits. When I say "needed it", I mean for his impressive overall total, because Richie did not put up a fight this week; Mr. Armour's high scorer was the Rams defense, with 13.00.
Ed def. Dave, 114.37-80.39:
Drew Brees (44.00) and his multiple rushing touchdowns carried Ed to victory, though JuJu Smith-Schuster (15.47) and Devin Funchess (14.93) helped. Dave wasted Carlos Hyde's 22.47 on Thursday to fall to a very disappointing 0-3.
Standings
- Matt, 3-0, 373.47
- Rob, 3-0, 350.57
- Derrek, 2-1, 352.38
- Mike R., 2-1, 339.70
- Ed, 2-1, 339.01
- Kevin, 2-1, 331.71
- Pulley, 2-1, 313.68
- Schertz, 2-1, 308.78
- Rabbit, 1-2, 315.11
- Babel, 1-2, 307.27
- Scott, 1-2, 282.85
- Richie, 0-3, 287.99
- Dave, 0-3, 242.17
- Pat, 0-3, 220.06
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums:
Rabbit's 140.04 pulls him to within one Team Blangums of tying Matt for the all-time lead.
Slapped Heartbeat:
Until Pat (73.08), no one had ever had their heartbeat slapped three weeks in a row, let alone started the season with three Slapped Heartbeats. (D has been close, having two of the first three Slapped Heartbeats in 2014, 2015, and 2016.
Weekly MVP:
Matt Ryan (42.40) might have been outscored by Drew Brees in both fantasy and real life, but his huge game helped propel Rabs to his first Team Blangums since 2015.
Dud of the Week:
Tom Brady is supposed to score more than 7.85 against the previously awful Lions. His bad game very nearly resulted in Richie's heartbeat getting slapped.
Start of the Week:
Rob didn't need it for victory, but playing Calvin Ridley and his 38.37 points earns this.
Misplay of the Week:
If Derrek had played Mohamed Sanu (12.80) over Robby Anderson (0.93), he'd be in first place right now.
Pickup of the Week:
Scott wisely grabbed Tyler Boyd off waivers and was rewarded with 24.10 points.
Pryor Play of the Week:
Richie finally played DeSean Jackson! Jordy Nelson (29.07) did outscore Jackson, but the 4.93 the Buccaneer did put up mean that Richie avoided the Slapped Heartbeat award.
Week 4 Preview
Game of the Blingaweek
Harrison Hammers (Matt, 3-0, 1st) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 3-0, 2nd):
Matt leads all-time series, 9-4.
Matt and Rob are both among the list of top teams through three weeks, though neither is among the truly legendary fast starters (like 2013 Pulley, 2014 Pulley, and 2015 Pulley).
Matt's strength so far has been Mike Thomas (@NYG), who has more catches through three weeks than anyone in NFL history. Throw in Brandin Cooks (vs. MIN) and Melvin Gordon III (vs. SF), and he's had a handful of players who he can count on (and has counted on) every single week.
But Matt'll only go as far as Russell Wilson (@ARI) and Rob Gronkowski (vs. MIA) take him. They each put up 20.40 in week one, but collectively have less than 45 points combined since then.
Rob's strengths have been his "Green Hill Zone" - A.J. Green (@ATL) and Tyreek Hill (@DEN) - along with his new sensation, Calvin Ridley (vs. CIN). Deshaun Watson (@IND) has been a better fantasy player than a real life one, which is just fine, too.
But his wildcards are his RBs. Jay Ajayi (@TEN) is dealing with a back injury and has been completely TD-dependent for scoring, and Matt Breida's (@LAC) value could take a big dip with the Jimmy Garoppolo injury.
Pick: With A.J. Green questionable to play for Rob, I'll go with the Harrison Hammers to move to 4-0.
Other Blingamatches
Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 2-1, 4th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-1, 6th):
All-time series tied, 5-5.
Mike's strength is balance. He's near the top of the league in expected wins despite having only one player break 30 points so far this year. And that balance should help him overcome that player's (Cam Newton) bye week. His obvious wildcard is RB usage; none of Alex Collins (@PIT), Tevin Coleman (vs. CIN), James White (vs. MIA), and Royce Freeman (vs. KC) are undisputed #1's... but he's got a lot of them. And don't sleep on Antonio Brown (vs. BAL); if the top WR drafted goes back to playing like the "Toe Tap Tony" of the last several years, Mike could be a legitimate Sanderson Cup contender.
Kevin's strength is easy: Alvin Kamara (@NYG). The second-year player picked up where he left off, catching passes and scoring TDs at a crazy-high rate. But Kevin could be undone by inconsistency at WR; Keenan Allen (vs. SF) and Stefon Diggs (@LAR) are both capable of 30-point games, but also capable of total duds like they had last week.
Pick: Bernie's Bullies gets acceptable play from sub Andy Dalton (@ATL) and wins a competitive matchup.
Live Commish (Ed, 2-1, 5th) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 2-1, 7th):
All-time series tied, 5-5.
Ed's been relying on his guys getting touches, and they have. Ezekiel Elliot (vs. DET) and Lamar Miller (@IND) have been workhorse RBs on bad teams, and Devin Funchess (bye) is the clear top receiving option on his, while Jared Cook (vs. CLE) has led the Raiders in targets and JuJu Smith-Schuster (vs. BAL) has led the league in red zone targets. But if Larry Fitzgerald (vs. SEA) keeps being dragged down by the awful Arizona offense, Live Commish might wind up an also-ran.
Pulley's got an even more obvious strength than Kevin: Todd Gurley (vs. MIN), who has done nothing to suggest his #1 overall ranking heading into the draft was incorrect. But the rest of Pulley's team is full of wildcards. Is Andrew Luck (vs. HOU) done being a top-ten QB? Will Chris Hogan (vs. MIA) get enough targets, especially with Josh Gordon and Julian Edelman joining the Patriots' roster soon? Was Phillip Lindsay (vs. KC) a two-week wonder? Can Adrian Peterson (bye) keep up his revival in Washington?
Pick: Gurley, along with a favorable opponent for Lindsay, push Pullman's MondoSquad to victory.
Chili Right Away (Dave, 0-3, 13th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 2-1, 3rd):
Derrek leads all-time series, 8-2.
Dave can feel good that Odell Beckham, Jr. (vs. NO) is back to his old self. Unfortunately, the rest of his team is a big question mark. That said, his top wildcards are Sony Michel (vs. MIA) and Doug Baldwin (@ARI). Michel will look to benefit from Rex Burkehad moving to IR, and while Baldwin's out again this week, if he returns and produces like he has in the past, Dave could make a midseason run.
Derrek strength was his foresight to draft James Conner (vs. BAL) as a handcuff. Christian McCaffrey (bye) is also off to a great start. When you look up wildcard in the Blingtionary, Kirk Cousins (@LAR) is pictured - and he's on D's roster this year.
Pick: D's Nuts had their seven-game winning streak vs. Dave broken last year, but they'll start up a new one this week.
Eggs eggs & more e (Richie, 0-3, 12th) vs. HuntFournetteOctober (Babel, 1-2, 10th):
Babel leads all-time series, 5-1.
Richie's best player, that he's actually been playing, has been the Rams defense. Despite that, his production has been high enough to where a turnaround isn't out of the question. But he'll only go as far as Tom Brady (vs. MIA) takes him from here on out.
Babel's relied on Jared Goff (vs. MIN) and Mike Evans (@CHI). That's a little surprising, as it looked like he was stacked at running back heading into the year. His 1-2 record means Kareem Hunt (@DEN) and Leonard Fournette (vs. NYJ, currently questionable) will have to live up to their draft status for him to reach the Blingabowl for the second straight year.
Pick: Babel got his season-saving win last week; Eggs eggs & more e gets theirs this week.
schertzopotamus (Schertz, 2-1, 8th) vs. Not an MD (Scott, 1-2, 11th):
All-time series tied, 0-0.
Saquon Barkley (vs. NO) and Jordan Howard (vs. TAM) have met expectations for Schertz, even if they haven't been stars. But ultimately, his season will come down to the health and effectiveness of Aaron Rodgers (vs. BUF).
Scott's been relying on Patrick Mahomes II (@DEN) and has been rewarded greatly. But he's 1-2 because David Johnson (vs. SEA) has been very disappointing. If Johnson turns his season around, Scott could be in the playoff mix; if not, he'll be looking for keepers soon enough.
Pick: Not an MD becomes our first expansion franchise to have a .500 record after week two.
Noodles and Vistas (Pat, 0-3, 14th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 1-2, 9th):
Rabbit leads all-time series, 9-3.
Pat literally has no strengths on his roster. I guess Jarvis Landry has been good? His wildcard will be some sort of miraculous in-season management that allows him to overcome the first Slapped Threepeat in Blingaleague history.
Rabbit's strength has been Isaiah Crowell (@JAC), who's scored a TD every week. But it will be hard to go far unless Crowell keeps it up.
Pick: Pralines & Dick moves to .500, but Pat also breaks his Slapped Heartbeat streak.
Closing Thoughts
Collectively, we've averaged over 100 points every week this year (103.91, 107.35, 100.51). That's a huge improvement from last year, where our high average through three weeks was 93.74, and we didn't crack 100 until week twelve.