Mike R.: "The first time I watched Aladdin was 2011 during the Snowpocalypse. I was stuck at [Girl Cousin's] apartment in DeKalb. It was worth the wait."

Dave: "Mike too busy rewatching Dances with Wolves to check out Aladdin until 2011."

Quarterfinals Recap

Kevin def. Pulley, 115.13-101.35:

And just like that, Pulley's five year run of finishing in the money is over. Drew Brees (15.45) and Michael Thomas (13.07) underperformed just enough for Pulley to fall to Kevin. (Jimmy Graham (1.73) and Adrian Peterson (2.00) combining for less than four points didn't help, either.)

Kev had an all-around solid game, with no one below 7.00 (Harrison Butker) or above 21.60 (Ben Roethlisberger). Cameron Brate (13.60) and Spencer Ware (14.70) came through with strong games and were great choices, and Kev has reached the semis for the third straight season.

Matt def. Rob, 95.56-87.84:

Matt can thank JuJu Smith-Schuster (29.33) and, finally, Rob Gronkowski (20.27) for this win, because more than half his team shit the bed. Mitchell Trubisky scored 5.30, Brandin Cooks 2.93, the Chargers defense 2.00, Chris Godwin 1.73, and Kenny Golladay 0.67.

But that worked out, because Rob once again completely fell apart in the quarterfinals. Calvin Ridley (1.33) and Chris Conley (1.73) were the main culprits this year, but only the Seattle defense (16.00) and Dalvin Cook (15.23) didn't underperform projections.

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums:

Kevin's 115.13 was the high score this week.

Slapped Heartbeat:

Rob's 87.84 isn't actually that bad for a quarterfinal, but it was the worst score this year.

Weekly MVP:

JuJu Smith-Schuster's 29.33 was critical for Matt to avoid elimination.

Dud of the Week:

Calvin Ridley (1.33) and Chris Conley (1.73) were awful for Rob.

Start of the Week:

Kevin played Cameron Brate (13.60) over Trey Burton (2.93). While that didn't make a difference in his outcome, it deserves recognition here.

Misplay of the Week:

If Rob had played Doug Martin (9.20) over Calvin Ridley (1.33) or Dede Westbrook (17.73) or Damien Williams (15.53) over Ridley or Chris Conley (1.73), he'd have defeated Matt.

Pickup of the Week:

Matt picked up kicker Michael Badgley and got 17.00 points out of it.

Blessed Cahoots:

Matt's disappointing lineup was lucky it went up against Rob this week.

Pryor Play of the Week:

Matt finally got a big game from Rob Gronkowski, whose 20.27 was important this week.

Season Postmortems

Rob Gross, 8-5, 1337.88 points, 5th, 6.34 expected wins

This season has to sting for Rob. He was only the second 6-0 team ever, and while it's always fortunate to be undefeated, he was legitimately one of the top teams in the Blingaleague up to that point.

But Rob then lost five of his last seven games, doubling the amount of Slapped Heartbeats he's ever had in the process. Ultimately, he wound up in the bottom half of the league in points and expected wins.

At least he made the playoffs, unlike his best historical comparison, 2008 Derrek. D lost his last five games in the first official year of the Blingaleague, missing out on the postseason.

Adam Pulley, 9-4, 1525.89 points, 3rd, 8.11 expected wins

Pulley was near the top of the league all year long, and was tops by expected wins as recently as week 12. In true Pulley fashion, he also made a blockbuster trade; Todd Gurley II carried his team for the first eight weeks, but then got traded as part of a package for Ezekiel Elliott, Drew Brees, Michael Thomas, and Julian Edelman. Pulley's playoff loss was unaffected by the trade, however, as Gurley, Brees, and Thomas all underperformed in week fourteen.

And while his semifinals streak was broken, he did break a Blingaleague record with a different streak; until Pulley scored 120+ from weeks 7-11 this year, no one had ever done it more than four weeks in a row.

It's fitting, then that the previous record holder for that streak, 2011 Rabbit, is the historical team most similar to Pulley. That version of Rabbit won his second Sanderson Cup in as many years, but was helped by one thing Pulley couldn't get this year: a bye.

Semifinals Preview

#1 D's Nuts (Derrek, 10-3) vs. #6 The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 8-6)

Derrek leads all-time series, 9-3.

Our last two Sanderson Cup holders face off, just like they did in last year's semifinals. D bested Kevin then, but he's hurting now. Two players that were key to his first place finish, James Conner (vs. NE) and Emmanuel Sanders (IR), are questionable to play and out for the year, respectively. Without them, Derrek's second WR and flex slots don't inspire confidence; he currently has Mohamed Sanu (vs. ARI), Kenny Stills (@MIN), and Taylor Gabriel (vs. GB) as starters. And Kirk Cousins (vs. MIA) has scored less than 20 points combined the past two weeks, though he will be facing a Dolphins team that just let Tom Brady broke out of a relative slump.

Kevin only has one potential injury issue, but it's a big one. Ben Roethlisberger (vs. NE) hasn't scored less than 17 points since a week one dud, but he injured his ribs last week. He did return to that game, so you figure he'll play this week. That, along with solid matchups for Alvin Kamara (@CAR) and Keenan Allen (@KC), should give Kevin the edge here.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

#2 Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 9-4) vs. #4 Harrison Hammers (Matt, 9-5)

Matt leads all-time series, 10-5.

The last game Mike played was against his rival, and he won convincingly. Since then, Matt has lost another Chargers RB (Austin Ekeler (@KC) is likely out Thursday, but Melvin Gordon (@KC) might be back). Rob Gronkowski (@PIT) could be back to his old form, however, and JuJu Smith-Schuster (vs. NE) appears to be back as Ben Roethlisberger's favorite target.

That latter point could hurt Mike, who relies on Antonio Brown (vs. NE). And if Odell Beckham, Jr. (vs. TEN) misses another game, it could mean trouble for the Bullies. But Mike's team, perhaps alone among the top six, is pretty damn deep. If Beckham can't go, one of Josh Adams (@LAR), Sony Michel (@PIT), or Tyler Lockett (@SF) can take his place.

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

Closing Thoughts

Despite 2018 being by far the highest scoring year yet, the quarterfinals performances were historically low.

Kevin's score of 115.13 is the second lowest high score for the quarterfinals, besting only Ed's 107.11 in 2012. And the average score of 99.97 this week only tops three other years: 2010 (98.77), 2016 (89.83), and 2012 (86.21).

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