Babel: "I was finally able to use the Spanish word 'albondigas' today at work. Thank you HIMYM for making it look like I was smart for knowing that translation that I would otherwise never stand a chance at pulling."

Ed: "Don't forget Dave, for using it as his team name once."

Babel: "Oh no. Too late. I had already forgotten him!"

Dave: "Don't worry Mark, it'll be our little albondigas."

Week 3 Recap

Kevin def. Scott, 181.71-119.30:

Gentlemen, we have a new all-time high score. Kevin got 43.33 from Mike Evans, 36.70 from Keenan Allen, 31.17 from Alvin Kamara as he broke a record that stood for over five years. Scott took a tough loss, with Patrick Mahomes (31.10) once again having a great game.

Babel def. Rob, 82.25-81.61:

And here we have a winner with nearly 100 fewer points than our Team Blangums. Only week eleven, 2012 and week five, 2017 had larger gaps between the top winning team and the bottom winning team. This Dickran Duel itself was more like a Dickran Dud. Although it was the closest game in series history, that was because of badly the two teams did; Babel was led by LeSean McCoy (20.87) and had only four double-digit scorers, while Rob was led by Jared Goff (15.85) and had only three.

Schertz def. Derrek, 159.79-97.59:

Schertz put up the fourth highest score of the last two seasons, but was denied Team Blangums. He got 45.40 from Russell Wilson, 26.53 from Tyler Lockett, and 21.00 from the Bears defense. D got 25.97 from Christian McCaffrey and a surprising 18.57 from Darren Waller, but fell to 1-2 on the year.

Mike R. def. Richie, 98.86-81.82:

The Bullies nabbed their first victory of the season thanks to new QB Dak Prescott (24.50) and new WR Cooper Kupp (25.60). Richie suffered through 2.27 from Kenny Golladay and 0.93 from Jared Cook.

Pulley def. Pat, 145.86-95.86:

Phillip Lindsay (26.23) and Amari Cooper (23.73) were the top scorers for Pulley, who moved to 3-0 for the fifth time in the last seven years. Pat didn't have a terrible week, but only Carson Wentz (22.75) really did much.

Matt def. Rabbit, 109.82-95.01:

Matt's now one for three in picking the right QB, as Lamar Jackson (22.45) was outscored by Jameis Winston (27.30) this week. It didn't matter, as in addition to Jackson's still-quite-good day, Dalvin Cook (21.40) and Evan Engram (21.07) both put up strong scores. Rabs got 32.57 from Mark Ingram II, but very little else.

Ed def. Dave, 102.86-79.62:

Ed's top three players - Deshaun Watson (28.35), Julio Jones (23.07), and T.Y. Hilton (14.67) - made up for a rather lackluster rest of his roster, and he moved to 2-1 on the year. Dave's injury-ravaged team lived down to expectations; when Chris Thompson (13.43) is your high scorer, you're usually in trouble.

Standings

1. Pulley, 3-0, 427.66
2. Schertz, 2-1, 411.94
3. Kevin, 2-1, 378.98
4. Matt, 2-1, 366.01
5. Ed, 2-1, 311.06
6. Rob, 2-1, 299.36
7. Babel, 2-1, 239.31
8. Scott, 1-2, 317.46
9. Derrek, 1-2, 302.41
10. Richie, 1-2, 285.73
11. Pat, 1-2, 285.38
12. Mike R., 1-2, 278.04
13. Rabbit, 1-2, 266.73
14. Dave, 0-3, 241.88

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums:

Kevin's 181.71 is a new Blingaleague record, which means he now has the highest winning score and losing score of all time.

Slapped Heartbeat:

Dave's 79.62 is bad, but at least it's the highest Slapped Heartbeat score so far this year.

Weekly MVP:

Mike Evans broke out of his slump and scored 43.33 for Kevin.

Dud of the Week:

Jared Cook put up only 0.93 for Richie.

Start of the Week:

Babel played Vance McDonald (1.33) over T.J. Hockenson (0.13) and won by less than a point. Yes, this is the most fun I've had issuing the Start of the Week award.

Misplay of the Week:

This one has to go to Rob, who lost a game by 0.64 points. He could have played Jacoby Brissett (23.40) over Jared Goff (15.85), though it's hard to fault him for not having that foresight.

Pickup of the Week:

Mike traded Adam Thielen (19.43) and Travis Kelce (11.87) to Scott. In return, he got Cooper Kupp (25.60), Greg Kittle (7.60), and Dak Prescott (24.50). Even ignoring Prescott, Mike came out ahead in the first week after the deal.

Blessed Cahoots:

Babel played Baker Mayfield and the Rams defense, even though they played against each other. This could have blown up in his face in a close game, but they scored just enough combined to get him the win.

Pryor Play of the Week:

Much like the weekly MVP award, this goes to Mike Evans on Kev's team. His weekly point totals so far have gone 3.73, 8.13, and then this week's 43.33.

Playoff Odds

Since expansion, this is how often teams with each record have made the playoffs:

• 0-3: 8% (14% with week 4 win, 0% with loss)

• 1-2: 32% (36% with week 4 win, 25% with loss)

• 2-1: 46% (71% with week 4 win, 29% with loss)

• 3-0: 100% (100% with week 4 win, 100% with loss)

Week 4 Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 2-1, 4th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 2-1, 3rd):

Kevin leads all-time series, 8-4.

This will be a minor revenge game, as Kevin just broke Matt's longstanding record for most points in a game.

Matt's put up three strong-to-quite-strong scores, and as a result, his most similar team of all time is 2011 Rob. That's an interesting version of Rob; he started 2-1, then lost four straight before winning four of five to end the season. He then blew up in the quarterfinals before settling for fourth place. The implication is that if Matt can keep his team from cratering in weeks 5-8, he could get a bye.

Kevin's got more points than Matt but fewer expected wins, mainly because he has one extremely good score and one quite bad one. The 2016 version of Dave is his top comp so far, and Dave's 8th place finish can't be very encouraging. But if you look closer, Kevin is one win ahead of 2016 Dave through three weeks, and Dave missed out on the playoffs by one win, so...

For this week, Kevin will have to deal with Matt Breida's bye week. Keenan Allen (@MIA) and Marlon Mack (vs. OAK) have great matchups, though Mike Evans (@LAR) and Alvin Kamara (vs. DAL) have tough ones. On the other side, JuJu Smith-Schuster (vs. CIN) has been quietly producing a lot for Matt and has a good matchup this week. Dalvin Cook (@CHI) faces his toughest test of the season so far, though.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Other Blingamatches

D's Nuts (Derrek, 1-2, 9th) vs. The Kelce is Mahomes (Scott, 1-2, 8th):

Derrek leads all-time series, 1-0.

This could effectively be an elimination game, as a 1-3 start could be too much for either of these guys to overcome.

Derrek started out with a tough loss, and has put up two sub-standard scores since then; while two wins might be a bit more likely, one win is hardly a shocker. His similarity to 2016 Mike R., who started 0-3, is a little weird... until you look at their game-by-game scores. The good news for D is that, despite starting 0-6, Mike won five of his last seven games that year. So, maybe, like Matt, D just needs to avoid stumbling too badly over the next four or five weeks.

Scott had a bad week one, but rebounded in weeks two and three. He has a better case that D for being 2-1, which is why he's most similar to a different version of Mike R.: the 2015 one. That version of Mike closed the year on a 1-3 stretch, though he still made the playoffs; Scott will hope to finish stronger.

This week, Scott needs his KC stack of Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce (@DET) to come up big (and also, your humble commissioner needs Scott to explain his team's new name). D's rolling the dice with Case Keenum (@NYG). It's a good matchup for D, but Keenum is no Mahomes...

Pick: The Kelce is Mahomes.

Live Commish (Ed, 2-1, 5th) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 2-1, 6th):

Ed leads all-time series, 8-5.

Ed's top comp is 2013 Derrek, who started with a 2-1 record, but had a midseason stretch where he failed to break 80 points in six of seven games (and won two of those six). It's hard to read too much into that version of D, who wound up as one of the biggest overachievers in Blingaleague history.

Rob's top comp is another 7-6 team that missed the playoffs, 2011 Babel. The 2011 season was a bit topsy-turvy, so this comparison probably doesn't tell us much, either.

Ed likely won't have the services of T.Y. Hilton (vs. OAK) this week, which means Preston Williams (vs. LAC) is in line to get the start. Julio Jones (vs. TEN) and Deshaun Watson (vs. CAR) are still great, though. Rob will be hoping, as always, that DeAndre Hopkins (vs. CAR) gets most of Watson's production, and has to like the matchup against Tampa Bay that Jared Goff and Brandin Cooks have.

Pick: Rob for Today.

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 1-2, 12th) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 3-0, 1st):

All-time series tied, 6-6.

Mike's got a Slapped Heartbeat, a tough loss, and a somewhat lucky win so far, which means he's looking a familiar face atop his similar seasons list: 2009 Mike R.. That version of Mike had a better first week, and won the game he was supposed to... and lost his last four games to finish 5-8. Ouch.

Pulley's the best team we've seen through three weeks, so it only makes sense that his top comp is the next best one, the 2014 version of himself. That team started 7-1 and snagged a bye, but had a disappointing exit in the semifinals.

This week, Pulley's Patriots - Tom Brady, Julian Edelman, and their defense - finally face a real test at Buffalo. Amari Cooper (@NO) and Phillip Lindsay (vs. JAC) have delivered as expected, and might need to carry a little heavier load for now. Mike's QB, Dak Prescott (@NO), will be the one throwing to Cooper, and his own Cooper, Mr. Kupp, has a nice matchup vs. the Buccaneers.

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 1-2, 13th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 2-1, 2nd):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 5-2.

Rabs is off to a rough start. He barely cracked 100 (and won) in week one, then got his heartbeat slapped, then had a middling week three. His top comp, 2010 Kevin, started 0-3 with a similar scoring pattern, and never really contended in a 5-8 year. (I believe this was the year Kevin had three wins taken away by next-day stat corrections).

Schertz has to like his most similar team, 2015 Pulley. That version of Adam didn't start out quite as well as the 2014 or 2019 versions, but he still had three wins at this point... and wound up with nine more and the Sanderson Cup by season's end. Pulley's lone blemish came in a sub-60-point week four that year, and this is Schertz's first game without stud Saquon Barkley; not a good sign for this week.

Rabs will be looking for #1 overall pick Davante Adams (vs. PHI) to finally have a big game, while Schertz will hope Aaron Jones (vs. PHI) does more of the scoring for Green Bay.

Pick: schertzopotamus.

Baker Baker One-Nine (Babel, 2-1, 7th) vs. The Vistas are Back (Pat, 1-2, 11th):

All-time series tied, 5-5.

Babel's the first team to ever start 2-1 despite averaging less than 80 points per game. He has 1.38 more wins than expected wins; only 2010 Derrek was luckier through three weeks. His most similar team is last year's version of Dave, whose historically bad year was overshadowed by Pat and his Slapped Heartbeat streak.

This year's Pat is not having a good year, but also not having an awful one. His top comp is 2017 Ed, who finished in 13th place despite profiling more like a .500 team.

Baker Mayfield (@BAL) has still not broken out for Babel, and his matchup this week is brutal. Ezekiel Elliott (@NO) has been his usual steady self, though, giving Babel a solid floor. Pat let Mike Thomas (vs. DAL) ride the bench last week, and his matchup this week is not any better. And Carson Wentz (@GB) also faces a tough defense.

Pick: Baker Baker One-Nine.

Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 0-3, 14th) vs. Taking a Golladay (Richie, 1-2, 10th):

Dave leads all-time series, 4-3.

Dave's off to an eerily similar start as his 2018 self. And you can read the previous game's preview to find out how last year turned out for him.

And yet it's Richie who has the saddest top comp of all: the expansion version of himself. That team had a strong week one, but wound up as our only 1-12 team to this point in Blingaleague history. Yikes!

This week, Richie gets to send Philip Rivers against the hapless Dolphins. Dave will hope Zach Ertz (@GB) and Aaron Rodgers (vs. PHI) finally justify their draft slots.

Pick: Taking a Golladay.

Closing Thoughts

Week three just missed cracking the 110-point average score, but it still was the tenth highest scoring week of all time.

Also, if anyone is curious after reading the Babel/Rob recap, the week in which there was the smallest gap between Team Blangums and the lowest scoring winner was week one, 2009. Barely 15 points separated Matt (116.27) and Allen (101.19)!

Previous Next

All Sanderson Gazettes