The Sanderson Gazette - 2019-11-06 - Mediocrity

Despite Schertz's impressive metrics (more on that later), this is only the second time ever we've had nobody 7-2 or better at this point in the season.

Week 9 Recap

Schertz def. Rob, 164.04-81.42:

Russell Wilson (41.50) and Tyler Lockett (32.27) combined to lead Schertz to the second highest score of the year. He also got 18.00 from each of Harrison Butker and the Steelers defense. Rob finally got a good game from Damien Williams (18.90), but lost his fifth straight.

Derrek def. Matt, 119.31-110.88:

Matt didn't get enough from Evan Engram (6.60) on Monday night to grab the victory, with JuJu Smith-Schuster (2.13) having yet another disappointing week. Derrek was led by Christian McCaffrey (35.27), which is one of the least surprising statements in Sanderson Gazette history.

Pulley def. Rabbit, 107.12-93.44:

Pulley did get enough from his Monday night player, as Amari Cooper put up 16.67 points to lead him to a fairly comfortable victory. Melvin Gordon III added 23.87 of his own. Rabs had an OK week, with Duke Johnson, Jr. (16.37) as his high scorer.

Dave def. Pat, 118.48-75.76:

Move over #PlayoffPat, because #PlayoffDayv is trending! Dave won his fourth in a row despite a mediocre game from Aaron Rodgers (13.05). His first two picks, Tyreek Hill (25.17) and Zach Ertz (19.73), made up for that, though. Pat got 20.80 from David Montgomery (20.80), but the rest of his team sputtered as he fell to 4-5.

Kevin def. Richie, 113.50-85.70:

Kevin moved back into the playoff picture - despite playing a kicker who got released (Mike Nugent) well before Sunday - thanks to Mike Evans (30.00) and Marvin Jones, Jr. (22.80). Richie got 23.60 from Kenny Golladay, but other than that, only DeVante Parker (13.60) outperformed expectations.

Mike R. def. Ed, 106.67-79.81:

Mike R. won his fifth in a row behind big games from Chris Boswell (16.00) and the Panthers defense (11.00). Ed's defense, the Cowboys, scored 18.00 of their own, but his WR trio of Allen Robinson (0.80), Demaryius Thomas (2.53), and Golden Tate (7.20) disappointed mightily.

Babel def. Scott, 103.34-49.62:

Josh Jacobs (24.00) was great once again for Mark, who also got 27.90 from midseason pickup Matthew Stafford. Scott's Blingacareer hit a new low, with only Matt Moore (15.25) cracking double digits.

Standings

  1. Schertz, 6-3, 1,167.48
  2. Pulley, 6-3, 1,062.22
  3. Derrek, 6-3, 1,014.52
  4. Mike R., 6-3, 912.91
  5. Matt, 5-4, 1,006.26
  6. Kevin, 5-4, 943.98
  7. Babel, 5-4, 874.96
  8. Rabbit, 5-4, 873.52
  9. Pat, 4-5, 901.46
  10. Dave, 4-5, 883.68
  11. Ed, 3-6, 878.18
  12. Richie, 3-6, 850.24
  13. Rob, 3-6, 789.49
  14. Scott, 2-7, 847.78

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums:

Schertz earned his second Team Blangums of the season with 164.04.

Slapped Heartbeat:

Scott got his heartbeat slapped for the first time ever with 49.62.

Weekly MVP:

Russell Wilson (41.50) cracked the 40-point barrier for Mr. Schertz.

Dud of the Week:

Diontae Johnson scored 0.60 for Scott.

Start of the Week:

Pulley played Melvin Gordon III, who hasn't been great since his return, over Larry Fitzgerald (5.07) and Frank Gore (1.50). He was rewarded with 23.87 in a game he won by less than 14.

Misplay of the Week:

Ed played Demaryius Thomas (2.53) and Royce Freeman (1.37) over Preston Williams (21.60) and Ronald Jones II (14.70), costing himself over 32 points in a game he lost by just under 27.

Pickup of the Week:

Dave grabbed Brett Maher and got 14.00 points out of it.

Blessed Cahoots:

"Hmm Singletary having a game on my bench. Good thing I'm playing the Miami Dolphins." - Babel.

Yes, playing against Scott this week was kind of lucky.

Playoff Odds

Since expansion, this is how often teams with each record have made the playoffs:

  • 0-9: 0% (0% with week 10 win, 0% with loss)

  • 1-8: 0% (0% with week 10 win, 0% with loss)

  • 2-7: 0% (0% with week 10 win, 0% with loss)

  • 3-6: 0% (0% with week 10 win, 0% with loss)

  • 4-5: 26% (40% with week 10 win, 15% with loss)

  • 5-4: 50% (73% with week 10 win, 22% with loss)

  • 6-3: 100% (100% with week 10 win, 100% with loss)

  • 7-2: 100% (100% with week 10 win, 100% with loss)

  • 8-1: 100% (100% with week 10 win, 100% with loss)

  • 9-0: 100% (100% with week 10 win, 100% with loss)

Week 10 Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

schertzopotamus (Schertz, 6-3, 1st) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 5-4, 6th):

Kevin leads all-time series, 5-3.

Schertz's team is really good. His 6.63 expected wins are good for seventh most all-time through nine weeks. Even more impressively, his median score of 138.58 is far higher than anyone who's come before him. To put that in perspective: there have been ten games this year with a score of 138.58 or higher; Schertz has five of them.

Kevin's team is near the top of another all-time leaderboard: standard deviation. Only this year's Rabbit has been more variable week-to-week than Kevin, who has two games below 80 and one above 180.

This week, for Schertz, Russell Wilson and Tyler Lockett visit the 49ers, which is a very tough matchup. Derrick Henry and Aaron Jones play the Chiefs and Panthers, which are very favorable matchups. For Kevin, Mike Evans (vs. ARI) has his own good matchup.

Pick: schertzopotamus.

Other Blingamatches

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 6-3, 4th) vs. Baker Baker One-Nine (Babel, 5-4, 7th):

Mike R. leads all-time series, 8-5.

Mike is hit pretty hard by byes this week, as he'll be without Sony Michel, Jordan Howard, and Kenny Stills. And Dak Prescott (vs. MIN) and Calvin Ridley (@NO) have tough-ish matchups.

Babel will probably be starting Drew Brees (vs. ATL) for the first time in weeks, and rookies Josh Jacobs (vs. LAC) and Devin Singletary (@CLE) are coming around as very valuable players.

Pick: Baker Baker One-Nine.

Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 4-5, 10th) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 5-4, 5th):

Matt leads all-time series, 7-5.

Dave's recent winning streak vaulted him back into relevancy, but it looks like it probably ends here. Like Mike R., this is a bad bye week for him; Zach Ertz, Alshon Jeffery, James White, Mohamed Sanu, Chris Conley, and Chris Thompson are all unavailable. Aaron Rodgers (vs. CAR) will really need to go back to his week 7-8 levels for Dave to have a chance.

That's because Matt's team is at full strength. Lamar Jackson (@CIN) has a great matchup, and Dalvin Cook (@DAL) is pretty matchup-proof.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

D's Nuts (Derrek, 6-3, 3rd) vs. The Vistas are Back (Pat, 4-5, 9th):

Derrek leads all-time series, 7-3.

Derrek actually has more expected wins through nine weeks this year than last year, when he finished in first place and took home his second straight Sanderson Cup. He's broken 110 points for five straight weeks, and his low score for the season is 93.79, which would be the third highest minimum ever. Fantasy MVP Christian McCaffrey (@GB) is the main reason why he's a strong contender for his third straight championship. His lack of a reliable QB (Derek Carr (vs. LAC) is slated as his starter this week) is a reason to be concerned, though.

Pat's season was once quite promising. This week, he'll be starting Mitch Trubisky (vs. DET).

Pick: D's Nuts.

Live Commish (Ed, 3-6, 11th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 5-4, 8th):

Rabbit leads all-time series, 10-4.

For the first eight weeks, Deshaun Watson and Julio Jones led Ed's team. Watson's now on bye, and Jones is now on the MondoSquad. Trading for Melvin Gordon III (@OAK) is a sign Ed's looking towards 2020.

That means the outcome of this matchup depends solely on which version of Rabbit's team shows up. He's been all over the place this year, with multiple Blangums and multiple Slapped Heartbeats. Mark Ingram II (@CIN) should have a big game this week.

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

Miami Dolphins (Scott, 2-7, 14th) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 6-3, 2nd):

Pulley leads all-time series, 1-0.

Could it get worse for Scott this week? DJ Chark, Jr. is on bye, Adam Thielen (@DAL) is questionable, and Mark Walton (@IND) got suspended. At least Patrick Mahomes II (@TEN) is expected back.

Pulley will be without his all-important Patriots, though, as Tom Brady, Julian Edelman, and the New England defense are on bye. Jimmy Garoppolo (vs. SEA) had a great week nine on Pulley's bench; if he repeats his performance, Pulley should have clear sailing to his seventh win.

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Wreck-It Richie (Richie, 3-6, 12th) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 3-6, 13th):

Also, Richie and Rob are playing.

Pick: Wreck-It Richie.

Closing Thoughts

Scott's 49.62 is, unsurprisingly, his lowest score ever. But that doesn't even put him in the bottom half of all league members in terms of their absolute nadir.

  1. Pat, 30.13
  2. Richie, 40.39
  3. Dave, 40.93
  4. Pulley, 42.13
  5. Kevin, 43.52
  6. Rabbit, 44.23
  7. Matt, 45.28
  8. Derrek, 46.68
  9. Allen, 47.94
  10. Scott, 49.62
  11. Rob, 51.64
  12. Mike R., 51.78
  13. Schertz, 52.47
  14. Babel, 57.46
  15. Ed, 60.16
  16. Katie, 63.68

I bet you didn't expect to see a list bookended by Gawnes when you opened up this week's Gazette, did you?